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I am Changing.

Yesterday I saw myself, or my Self, a new self I had grown. New ideas, interests, perspectives, grown together in one beautiful crystalline form. It was ALIVE, like a flower, and there was a core, a Self in the middle. I saw it, and it was moving.

Today I despaired because the flower wilted. The rot got in, a spore of doubt that raced quickly to the root where I had hidden myself, and I convulsed with a violent fever as this corruption of doubt blossomed into fear and panic and a deep deep sorrow. The flower rotted and bruised and I thought I was going to die.

And then I stepped back. I grew this flower. It was not me, though I have hidden in its heart. I have sought to cloak myself in petals such that I may be above sadness, above pain, above shame. Yet life begets life, and life begets death.

Sorrow and fear are crystalline too. I saw that they are no different from the flower I grew, they have no less a right to live, no less claim to reality. This thought distressed me until I stepped back and saw the flower wilting and I knew that its wilting was as beautiful as the flower itself.

Remember this, next time you cloak yourself in petals.

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If I look inside and I am honest with myself what do I find? I find certainty, buried under fear, shame, denial. I find reasons and excuses taped and piled onto inner truth, a cartoonish disguise of something ultimately not that harmful. I miss you already. I'm so scared. Being scared isn't an excuse, I know that. But I still miss you.

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I think I have a crush on the circular economy

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He attempted conversation once or twice, but they just kind of smiled and made a lot of eye contact and said nothing; this confused him. Were they trying to flirt? Send some hidden message? Or were they just uninterested in whatever banal utterance had left his lips? He felt as though maybe they were watching him like one watches a bug or a dog do something weird. He squirmed a bit, feeling shy. But also maybe that was how they flirted, he wondered. If so, it was remarkably unclear.

Anyways, after the second or third time this happened, he gave up, and neither of them made any further attempts at conversation. 

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Like fuckin high vibration hippie shit where they actually do fuck with their auras or microbiome or some shit like that and it changes how people see them. You ever meet really predatory feeling hippies? Like they have unlocked their auras or so they say and then they actually do possess some freaky powers or whatever? But they miss the important part which is love.

you know what I really want is a map of reality. I don’t really want to be an explorer, I want to make the map

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Like I bet someone out there knows how to augment their own minds, and whenever I see people who DO, like through meditation or some pneumonic or mantra or whatever, pay attention. Their map might be useful

you know what I really want is a map of reality. I don’t really want to be an explorer, I want to make the map

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you know what I really want is a map of reality. I don’t really want to be an explorer, I want to make the map

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but even within a level, there are different “wave forms” that can transcend scale, and different types of these wave forms. But some wave forms can only begin at certain levels, or are only found within a certain range. Music and rhythm and beat transcend all the spheres. I bet that that means something

Vibrations and shit

so like, what if vibrational levels do exist? Like your energy or whatever you are operates on different complexity levels of reality. Quantum, atomic, chemical, biological, physiological, psychological, spiritual. These are spheres of complexity that humans operate in. Rational thought is native to psychological level.

[portisleft]

Vibrations and shit

so like, what if vibrational levels do exist? Like your energy or whatever you are operates on different complexity levels of reality. Quantum, atomic, chemical, biological, physiological, psychological, spiritual. These are spheres of complexity that humans operate in. Rational thought is native to psychological level.

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catch it before it gets to the river

so like, we got large language models and shit and they do language really well. And logical thinking needs language, right? Logical thinking is so powerful you know, But like, there’s other parts . The part of your brain that processes music, like, what if that part is just as big as the part that does language or BIGGER, and just fundamentally sees the world differently. Like instead of logical thinking, musical thinking lets you see patterns, unresolved melodies, and most importantly, it guides *your movement through the world*.

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Okay like I think i can hear the hum of the entire universe when i start thinking about genetic flow? Like I am peering into something so chaotic and organized and fuckign ALIVE and I find it hard to breath sometimes because it's so cool

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maybe YOU cant

“None of us can ever retrieve that innocence before all theory when art knew no need to justify itself, when one did not ask of a work of art what it said because one knew (or thought one knew) what it did.”

— Susan Sontag, “Against Interpretation”

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dear god please if I ever stop playing and start taking shit seriously slap some sense into me please okay thx

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Make peace with the absurd but do not bargain with it

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Like what if this ecology of the mind, of these psychic entities, what happens if you think like that? The world becomes more alive I think. Alive like how moss is alive and fungi, it’s like that. What happens if we look at the world like this?

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So I been thinking about soul ecology or psychic ecology or whatever right ? Like we study material ecology, yeah, and we’re learning LITERALLY all the fckn time about new ecologies deep underground or in our own bodies or whatever, right? So what if there is a psychic ecology?

okay so important to define our terms: we are first assuming that there are structures that exist between or within human minds ,, social theory has done that to death. But what if these structures have an ability to maintain themselves? Or have an ability to metabolize energy, in this case, OUR energy? What if they can leap from person to person and remain?

what if structures are alive?

like they’d fit the criteria of life, no? A radical belief, but hardly no more radical than trees speaking to each other via underground networks? So these entities are like parasites or symbionts or something because they CANT live without us. Can we apply principles of ecology to these landscapes?

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Thank you.

Thank you for holding us in our pain.

Thank you for shepherding us to something else.

Thank you for gentleness.

Thank you for unexpected phonecalls.

For the safety of our bodies while our minds travel to feverish landscapes.

For all the art in the world.

For reminding us that we are already where we need to be. There is nothing else, there never has been and there never will be.

Thank you for bright laughter.

Thank you for answering.

Thank you for warm meals offered freely.

For kind words well placed.

For friends across oceans.

Thank you for the clarity to know who we are and who we are not, and the courage to stand proudly in this, the wisdom in pain.

Thank you for saying no.

Thank you for telling me that it is okay to want what I want.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Mœbius