ponderingsundone

[ponderingsundone]

Midway Through The Bridge...

When we settled in a foreign land few years ago, when we were young and my 1 year old looked into my eyes with hope, love, and faith, I didn't realize this isnt going to last forever. He is almost 18 now, and wonders aloud why I am so annoying and when I will disappear from his life!

Life enjoys being a sadistic I guess. Give people hope and love and then vanquish them away when they are least suspecting. I don't remember when the tide turned....when from being a mother, a companion, a friend.... I turned into a figure to loath and yell at. The person to run away from-and that hurt the most. There is a saying we have in our culture-one who doesn't get defeated by anyone, gets defeated by his own child! Its a struggle everyday to just have normal conversation with him.....the child who I hung on the crook of my waist, who I tucked to bed, who I strolled to swimming classes and bus stops.

Not that I'm not to blame. I haven't been a perfect mother. My anger and ability to inflict a person with my harsh words is something I'm acutely aware of. Perhaps I have passed that onto him. Will the tide turn? I'm not sure. I would prey for that to happen, but turns out that someone somewhere has a penchant of bestowing me with the opposite of what I wish for. Time will tell...and I will wait for those eyes to look at me with some warmth again.

Motherhood is a tough bridge to cross, where you don't know what to find on the other end. I'm midway there, and craning to look what the other side looks like.

[ponderingsundone]

Hi there! newbie here...trying to find the space