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as a phrase, “she [x] on my [x] til’ i [x]” only is funny if on either side of a spectrum. either the phrase ends so specific to a sexual action it’s a smart joke (for example, “she strogan me off til i beef” uses the word “beef stroganoff’ but also makes a “stroking off” joke, making it clever wordplay.) or it makes so little sense that it ends up funny from the absurdity of deciphering what type of sexual action could even be taking place. (example: when my roomate the other night asked to hand them a sanpelligrino and then said “she san on my pelli til’ i grino” which begs the question of what ‘sanning’ is, what a ‘pelli’ repersents in terms of human genitalia and what ‘grinoing’ could possibly be.)

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I got to hold a 500,000 year old hand axe at the museum today.

It's right-handed

I am right-handed

There are grooves for the thumb and knuckle to grip that fit my hand perfectly

I have calluses there from holding my stylus and pencils and the gardening tools.

There are sharper and blunter parts of the edge, for different types of cutting, as well as a point for piercing.

I know exactly how to use this to butcher a carcass.

A homo erectus made it

Some ancestor of mine, three species ago, made a tool that fits my hand perfectly, and that I still know how to use.

Who were you

A man? A woman? Did you even use those words?

Did you craft alone or were you with friends? Did you sing while you worked?

Did you find this stone yourself, or did you trade for it? Was it a gift?

Did you make it for yourself, or someone else, or does the distinction of personal property not really apply here?

Who were you?

What would you think today, seeing your descendant hold your tool and sob because it fits her hands as well?

What about your other descendant, the docent and caretaker of your tool, holding her hands under it the way you hold your hands under your baby's head when a stranger holds them.

Is it bizarre to you, that your most utilitarian object is now revered as holy?

Or has it always been divine?

Or is the divine in how I am watching videos on how to knap stone made by your other descendants, learning by example the way you did?

Tomorrow morning I am going to the local riverbed in search of the appropriate stones, and I will follow your example.

The first blood spilled on it will almost certainly be my own, as I learn the textures and rhythm of how it's done.

Did you have cuss words back then? Gods to blaspheme when the rock slips and you almost take your thumbnail off instead? Or did you just scream?

I'm not religious.

But if spilling my own blood to connect with a stranger who shared it isn't partaking in the divine

I don't know what is.

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Occasionally forget people genuinely think capitalism is thousands of years old

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This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.

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DOG MOSAICS (From Italy and Greece ××)

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everything about the shooting literally only makes sense in the context that they were planning on canon buddie. the fact that it was the 133 on the call rather than the 118 so the focus could be entirely on buck and eddie. the way it was shot in the most intimate way possible. “are you hurt?”/“we’re so close eds, I just need you to hang on”/hand just-barely-not cupping the side of his face. the ringing sound when buck walks out of the hospital and sees taylor. buck (not eddie’s girlfriend, or his grandmother or aunt) telling christopher what happened, breaking down in front of him, sleeping on their couch. buck being given the choice to run after taylor (who had just kissed him) or run to eddie, and him picking eddie without a moment’s hesitation. buck taking eddie home from the hospital even though ana’s the one who’s been staying with him. taylor saying “you’re not invincible”, completely misunderstanding where buck is coming from, while eddie says “you act like you’re expendable, but you’re wrong” and PROVES IT. with the will thing. like truly and completely there was never any coming back from that.

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My friends and I used to do this thing where we'd dress up on a theme and go do something totally normal.

We dressed up as pirates and went bowling.

We dressed as vikings and went to the grocery store. The security guard told us we had to move our longship because it was illegally parked.

We dressed as Romans and went to Blockbuster. The staff chanted, "toga! Toga! Toga!" at us.

We dressed up all steampunk and went to the museum. Tourists kept taking our picture.

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T'Pau: no, spock, I will not allow any more vulcans to marry aliens. you see what happened to your father

Spock:

T'Pau: I will make an exception, he looks very polite

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i love characters who smoke but i wish people would actually show the side effects of smoking affecting them. like depending on how much they smoke they should just go into a comically long coughing fit mid-sentence

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Nonstick broom

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your heart is a muscle the size of a rat

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FORGOR TO POST HERE…. anyways an oomf on twt qrted a post that was so spirk i worked very hard to draw it out ^_^

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Among his other activities, [Steve Wozniak] collects phone numbers, and his longtime goal has been to acquire a number with seven matching digits. But for most of Woz’s life there were no Silicon Valley exchanges with three matching digits, so Woz had to be satisfied with numbers like 221-1111. Then, one day, while eavesdropping on cell phone calls, Woz begin hearing a new exchange: 888. And then, after more months of scheming and waiting, he had it: 888-8888. This was his new cell-phone number, and his greatest philonumerical triumph. The number proved unusable. It received more than a hundred wrong numbers a day. Given that the number is virtually impossible to misdial, this traffic was baffling. More strange still, there was never anybody talking on the other end of the line. Just silence. Or, not silence really, but dead air, sometimes with the sound of a television in the background, or somebody talking softly in English or Spanish, or bizarre gurgling noises. Woz listened intently. Then, one day, with the phone pressed to his ear, Woz heard a woman say, at a distance, “Hey, what are you doing with that?” The receiver was snatched up and slammed down. Suddenly, it all made sense: the hundreds of calls, the dead air, the gurgling sounds. Babies. They were picking up the receiver and pressing a button at the bottom of the handset. Again and again. It made a noise: “Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep.” The children of America were making their first prank call. And the person who answered the phone was Woz.

“The World According to Woz” in Wired (September 1998)

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WWDITS II S6 animations

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im from an alternate universe but not a cool interesting one, the only difference is that a natural third option when asking if you'd like something to drink other than coffee and tea is instant soup in a cup

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I’m your puppet 👁️