poemofthestars

[poemofthestars]

୧ ׅ𖥔 ۫ 𝖓𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖓 𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖘 – 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖋𝖎𝖛𝖊 ⋄ 𓍯

“I forget moments, places, spaces, and shades. I forget love, hopes, dreams, and needs. Yet I never seem to forget him as he’s forgotten me. He’s the blank space I’m always trying to cover with ink.”

How much heartache can one person take? That was a question that constantly circulated in the mind of Cataleya Rousseau, she had been feeling nothing but heartache from the tender age of eight years old, the crack in her heart made her feel less than. She didn’t know why people continued to leave her, it all started with her mother and then her father died at her hands–she was the reason he died, the accident was her fault and would always be her fault. But, the one person that she thought would never leave her did–he left..he couldn’t even look her in the eyes when he decided that he couldn’t do it anymore. Why couldn’t she be happy? Why was she the one who was constantly in pain? Did she not deserve to have someone that would stay for once? Why was she so easy to leave? No one stayed with her and the more she held onto people, the more that she realized that everyone that she loved would eventually leave her, either in death or just because they felt that she wasn’t enough.

“Are you sure that you are okay?” The softness from Jayden’s voice caused her to lift her head from the stacks of paper that flooded the wooden desk, the lines of her lips curled in a smile as she nodded her head. “Who would’ve thought you would be the one checking up on me? What has Damien done to you?” Jayden’s emerald irises rolled in their orbits. “Damien has nothing to do with this, I’ve always cared about you. It was you that pushed me away.” Cataleya nodded her head a couple of times, leaning back in her chair as her legs crossed underneath the desk. “You have a point.” Jayden shrugged, scanning Cataleya. Cataleya could tell that she was trying to figure out if her sister was truly doing alright but she would fail–the one thing that Jayden and Cataleya shared was the fact that they wore masks, most of the time Cataleya wore her heart on her sleeves but not this time. Not now. “Fine, I believe you. I just wanted to make sure that you are alright. Your mother comes walking back into your life and..” Jayden paused, the pain in Cataleya’s chest was one that she tried to push past because she knew what the brunette would say next. “Aiden left you..It’s been months with no word and I know how much you gave him. Even Melina reached out to me to check on you while on her trip with Malik since you are not answering her calls.” Jayden narrowed her eyes into slits as she continued speaking to Cataleya. “I am going to ask you this again, are you okay, Cat?” The truth was that Cataleya wasn’t alright and the more that Jayden looked at her, the more she could feel herself wanting to break. To finally let someone know how much she was currently drowning because of Aiden, her mother, and the truth behind her leaving the blonde was one that hurt but she couldn’t even process that because of the agony she was in because he left her. “Ms. Rousseau.” Benjamin’s voice broke through the room, shifting her gaze to the man who stood in the doorway of her office. “Good afternoon, Ms. Rivera.” Jayden turned to face him, a smile curled on her lips. “Yes, Benjamin?” Cataleya asked as he returned his attention to her. “We have the meeting with the board in thirty minutes, just wanted to remind you.” Cataleya nodded her head. “Of course, I will meet you in the lobby so we can make our exit.” With that he left the office, Cataleya's eyes landed back on Jayden, “I am fine, I promise. I need to prepare myself for the board meeting, I will see you tomorrow night for dinner. Go see your boyfriend, I am not in the mood to handle Damien when he doesn’t have his fix of you.” Jayden winked at Cataleya as she blew her a kiss. “See you tomorrow night.”

The pain surged through her as she leaned forward, sinking pearly whites into the plush of her bottom lip, indigo hues surveyed the words that were jotted down on the paper that he wrote. The paper had been worn down due to the months but the pain from that day was still with her. The letter that Aiden left behind before he vanished into thin air. He was gone and she was again not enough for anyone–she thought he would be the one to stay but she thought wrong. “Ms.Rousseau, are you ready?” Benjamin appeared once more in her office, she nodded her head as she slid the paper into her desk drawer slowly lifted herself upward and her heels kissed the marble ground. “Let’s go.”

​•••

The day had been meeting after meeting after meeting and for a while, that was enough to drown out the pain and voices in her head but as she twirled on the balls of her bare feet, her eyes scanned the condo. She was utterly alone, the soft music in the background was the only noise that could be heard in the lavish apartment. 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐧, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐦. 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. Her phone rang against her countertop, inhaling a deep breath as she placed the phone against her ear. “Bitch, where are you?”Tori’s high-pitched voice caused her to pretend she was currently not drowning. Cataleya rested the glass against her lips as the auburn liquid glided down her throat and the warmth of the alcohol allowed her to feel at ease even for a moment. “I am at home, you know normal people have work on a Tuesday night.” Cataleya could hear the chatter in the background which meant that Tori wasn’t alone. “True but you were supposed to go out with me and Sienna tonight.” Cataleya rolled her eyes, her bare feet taking her to the bathroom. “Tell Sienna to come to the condo and if she comes, I will go out with the two of you.” That was a lie but she hoped that Tori wouldn’t get her other best friend involved because she just wanted to be left alone. ���You have yourself a deal.” Those were the last words before the line was disconnected.

Porcelain, but sadness consumed features contorting as trembling digits swiftly slide a sharp razor along her wrist, cutting the soft flesh. Crimson dark liquid begins to flow along with intense tingles of pain rushing through her body due to the fresh wound. 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧. The pain silenced the voices in her head, the sound of them telling her that she wasn’t enough. Their voices kept her awake at night and made her feel low about herself. Her demons wanted her dead, they wanted her to have nothing and no one, Cataleya had no more fight in her. She couldn’t stop it. She didn’t want to stop it. She slowly slid down the wall as the pain from her wrist matched the pain that swallowed her whole, her eyelids slowly closing. “Cataleya, oh...no..Please, you are the only one that understands me.” The voice that echoed in her head was from Sienna, she knew her voice anywhere as her eyelids slowly lifted to catch the brunette’s face before they fluttered shut again. “I’m sorry, Sienna..I can’t do it anymore.” The words that Catacleya were almost a whisper as she allowed the pain to engulf her once and for all.

[poemofthestars]

୧ ׅ𖥔 ۫ 𝖓𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖓 𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖘 – 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗 ⋄ 𓍯

"Endlessly have I dreamt of distant constellations in the night sky, but when you touched me with poetry dripping from the salt of your skin, I knew that you were the only star I would touch again. And oh, my love, in the space between our lips, I tasted infinity."

°. 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫 – 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 • °.

The past couple of years have weighed heavy on Cataleya Rousseau’s shattered heart. She had found herself constantly feeling as if she was the problem, that she was the one that didn’t belong in this world and no matter how hard she tried to move on from the past, she just couldn’t. The drugs and the alcohol no longer helped her ease her pain, she was slowly growing numb to everything and the only thing that helped her ease her aching heart was when she helped people. She was addicted to pushing her own problems to the side and focused on everyone but herself. It was easier to wear a mask than to let anyone in, I suppose that is what happens when everyone close to you thinks that you are 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭. That all the money and glamour were all that you needed but none of that mattered to her, nothing truly mattered to her because she found herself wondering: 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥? Or was this all a vivid dream—nightmare. Cataleya no longer knew what was real and was a part of her imagination. That was depressing but no one saw the real her, just what she wanted them to see. The death of her father wasn’t the beginning of her pain, it all started when her mother 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 her. Cataleya still fought to push that down, her father’s love pushed the feeling of abandonment down but now he was 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐞 and she felt utterly 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞. All her friends had people that eased their pain, had someone that they could show all their broken pieces to, and she had no one. That was how she saw things so when the 𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐝𝐨 came back into her life, her heart and her head didn’t know how to process this. Because she had become content with pretending, hiding her heart away and 𝐡𝐞 made her remember that she was alive but how long would 𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞?

How long before he realized that she was nothing?

That she wasn’t worth anything?

How long before he realized that she was 𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞?

"You set 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞 to my 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝, couldn't handle the heat. Now, I’m 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞 and I’m starting to 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞. Come bring me 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥, let it rain over me. I want you to 𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞."

The sound of the pitter patter of the rain hitting her window caused a soft groan to erupt from the depths of her throat, her eyelids fluttered open as her frame rested against the duvet. The sun had not yet crept up from its hiding spot, the night still held its grasp on the world. The rain always brought chills through her body which could be the reason that she was up at this hour, or it could be something (or someone) that had crept into her mind. Cataleya's mossy hues shifted towards the clock next to her bed which read 𝟒:𝟎𝟑 𝐀𝐌, her head shook slightly as she slowly lifted her frame her back rested against the wooden headboard. A soft sigh resonated from her throat, blinking her eye lids a few times to wipe the sleep from her mien. The room was pitch black, the only light that illuminated the darken space was the moon which brought some light to her room. Cataleya combed through her flaxen tresses, inhaling and exhaling. Her slender digits clung onto the creme duvet as she swiftly pulled the duvet from covering the lower half of her body, placing her palms against her duvet as to pull herself completely in an upward position, her legs dangled from the bed as she placed the soles of her bare feet onto the cold wooden surface; wobbling slightly as she gathers her composure, her head shook. Her fingers swiftly tugged at her silk robe as she wrapped it around her physique. Cataleya had recently left the Estate that her father had built for them and had been staying in the penthouse that she bought a couple of months ago; it probably wasn't a good idea to live on her own but at the same time. She recently felt as if the estate didn’t feel like home and the decision to leave screamed out to her so here, she was, her own place. It still didn’t feel like home but at least here she didn’t feel as if Angelica could watch her every move and she knew that her father would be proud of her. Maybe not proud of the dangerous path that she was going down but small victories count, right?

Well, at least to Cataleya Rousseau they counted.

The soles of her bare feet kissed the wooden surface as she made her way through the penthouse, finally entering the kitchen. She flicked the light on which cause the kitchen area to come to life. A small smile curled upon her plump lips, inhaling a deep breath. For once the silence didn't claw at her heart, it didn't make her feel weak. Maybe it was because for once she allowed herself to feel and no longer pretending as if it didn't matter. The pain would call to her like a siren song, the pain and the guilt of her father's sudden death would always play in her mind but tonight, something else clung onto her thoughts. It was really someone, not something. It was 𝐡𝐢𝐦.

Cataleya rested her rear onto the chair, crossing her toned legs across one another as she brought the mug to her lips, blowing into the cup to lessen the heat prior to pressing her lips against the rim of the mug and allowing the warm sensation from the chamomile tea. Her mind slowly starts to wander on the events that took place the day prior, her eyes stayed fixated on the wall as a smile crept onto her lips as the memory flashed before her.

•••

"If you try to run, I will be chasing you.” The words drifted from his lips in a raspy tone, chuckling slightly as he shook his head and his dark eyes shifted towards her lips then back onto her eyes. Cataleya simply laughed, her head shaking prior to canting slightly to get a better look at him, noticing where his own hues were fixated upon.

"How kinky. Should I run now?" He blinked a few times prior to his head shaking a couple more times and his eyes narrowed into slits.

"You must want me to lock you up in my basement, Cataleya." The way her name rolled off his tongue caused her heart to pick up speed, she rested her head back onto the grass, her slender digits clung to the sunflower as she yanked it from the confines of the grass. Her arm extended outward as she twirled the small flower between her thumb and index finger. "Me and my dad used to come here, he would bring me to this place so that he could pick me sun flowers or whatever flowers that he could find. This was our safe haven." The words that spewed from her lips hung in the air, the silence washed over the two of them before he cleared his throat and words uttered from his lips.

"Why did you bring me here, Cataleya? This is supposed to be a spot that you share with your father. I might taint it."

Cataleya, paused momentarily, her hands dropped to her side as her head shifted to the side and their eyes locked. Cataleya held his gaze. A genuine smile, not her typical Cataleya smile which meant you didn't know her, and you never would. This was different. This was real.

“You make me nervous. You make me weak, and I can’t control myself around you, my heart aches for you.” Those were the words that she could utter, she lifted herself upward and her fingers caressed the grass.

"I'll ruin you, Cataleya. I will ruin you."

Laughter elicited from the depths of her throat. "You can't ruin someone that is already ruined. Remember that. My heart is already broken. What's the worse that you could do?"

•••

Cataleya blinked a few times as the memory slowly faded, the once hot mug had turned lukewarm, she placed the mug onto the countertop as she wipes away the salty droplets that managed to escape before tuneful titters escaped her lips.

The moon had been replaced with the sun as it shinned brightly through the windows; illuminating the room that she was dwelling in, the sound of her phone caused her to snap out of her thoughts, pressing the device to her ear lobe.

"Good morning, Dean." Her tone was filled with hope, she lifted herself from the seat.

"You sound happy, Cat. Are you high?" She shook her head and laughed.

“No, Dean. I am not high or drunk. Can't I just be in a good mood?"

He cleared his throat as he chuckled lowly. "Yes, you are right. Are we still on for breakfast? I'm heading out the door now."

Cataleya nodded her head a few times as if he could see her. "It's Saturday morning, Dean. I would never miss our Saturday Morning Breakfast. You'd kill me or think I was dead. I'll meet you in two hours or less."

"It's a deal, see you then."

The line was disconnected, she tapped her bare foot onto the ground and the smile on her lips only grew wider as she mumbled. "Ruin me..."

The sound of knocking caused confusion to swipe her porcelain features, she lifted her shoulders in nonchalant shrug. Maybe it was Benjamin checking in on her or maybe it was a package. “Give me a second.” She uttered in a high pitch tone as she made her way towards the door, her fingers wrapped around the brass doorknob and twisted it slightly to reveal the person on the other side. Her eyelids blinked a couple of times as she took a step back, mouth dropping agape for a split second as she shook her head frantically. “Hey, sweetheart...” The soft words from the women across from her caused her heart rate to increase. This couldn’t be happening, this wasn’t happening. Not now. “M…M..Mom?” Cataleya managed to question; a single tear glided down her porcelain features.

“𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐚𝐝𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. 𝐀𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧, 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦. 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞. 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫. 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈’𝐦 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫, 𝐈’𝐦 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨 ��𝐚𝐦𝐧 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐫𝐲.”

[poemofthestars]

ੈ✩• 𝖘𝖔𝖑𝖔: 𝖓𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖓 𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖘, 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊 • ੈ✩

it doesn’t get easier; you just wrap it up, make it a part of your bones and blood, and learn to tear down its walls slowly.

ੈ✩• 𝖕𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖔𝖓𝖊, 𝖆𝖈𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊 • ੈ✩

The past haunts us, shaping who we are and who we will become. No matter how much we run from it, we can never truly run from the past because, one way or another, it will show you what you are hiding from. Cataleya Rousseau was hiding from her past because she had blood on her hands; her father’s blood was on her hands, and no matter how hard she tried to scrub the blood away, she could never stop seeing the red color. She would always have to deal with losing her dad because of her selfish needs. The hatred that her stepmother felt for her was because of his death. The distance between Cataleya and Jayden only grew after his death. The relationship wasn’t strong before the death, but it only worsened because Cataleya separated herself from everyone. Melina, her best friend, couldn’t get Cataleya out of her funk, out of the darkness, because Cataleya felt that she didn’t deserve happiness and that if she ever found happiness—true happiness then she would have completely betrayed her father, it wasn’t fair that he lost his life that night. All she had was a few scratches and the pain in her lower back. That was nothing; her medicine couldn’t fix, but Cataleya just wished she didn’t exist anymore. It wasn’t like she was genuinely living anymore; she was just existing. Nothing felt right about her existence anymore, and the more she fought it, the harder it became for her.

“I've been doomed from the start everything around me falls apart. I always end up with a broken heart. Even Tylenol can't fix me unless it's mixed with whiskey. Nothing can excite me anymore like you used to. When I feel good, it never lasts. That's why you can find me living in the past if needed. Everybody says this shit will pass, and I say it won't, but they don't believe me. Just tell me to breathe. Falling apart; don't know what to do, looking for someone to save me, I don't know who.” The words mused from the speaker, and her head bobbed along with the music as the pads of her slender digit glided on the photo. Her hues scanned the picture of Cataleya and her father; the pair had similar smiles as the young girl wrapped her tiny legs around his torso. His palms rested on her back while the other hand held the sunflower.

Cataleya forgot how many times she had looked at this picture, but it gave her hope, a time in her life when she was truly happy and didn’t have this shadow following her. It was a simple time in her life, and she wished they could return to that time. Stray tears glided down her porcelain cheek as her head rattled slightly, the droplet hitting the photo; it flowed down her father’s face, lifting her head as her green eyes fixated on her reflection in the mirror, which hung on the wall.

。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

“ɪꜰ ɪ ʟɪᴠᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀ ʜᴏᴜꜱᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɴᴏ ᴍɪʀʀᴏʀꜱ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʟʟꜱ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴛᴀʟᴋ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴍᴇ; ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ɪ'ᴅ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ʙɪɢɢᴇʀ, ɪꜰ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ. ɪꜰ ɪ ʟɪᴠᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀ ʜᴏᴜꜱᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɴᴏ ᴍɪʀʀᴏʀꜱ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʟʟꜱ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴍᴇ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ; ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ᴍʏ ꜱᴋɪɴ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴛʜɪᴄᴋᴇʀ, ɪꜰ ɪ ʟɪᴠᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀ ʜᴏᴜꜱᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɴᴏ ᴍɪʀʀᴏʀꜱ.”

‎�� ࣪ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖ ་ 𝖋𝖑𝖆𝖘𝖍𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐, 𝖌𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖇𝖞𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘 ˖ ࣪ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖

“Dad? Dad? Daddy, where are you?” Her voice echoed in the narrow hallway, her head rattling as the clicking of her shoes was the only sound she heard other than her voice. A muted sigh emitted from the depths of her throat as her slender digits coaxed with the brass door knob, which she twisted and caused the door to creep open. Cataleya rested her head against the door frame, her arms crossed against her breast, shaking her head slightly. “How is the writing coming, Dad?” The smile curled upon her lips; her mossy hues scanned his features as he lifted his head upward from the lit screen, his smile mirroring hers as he nodded a few times. “Yes, baby girl. I think this was the best novel I've ever written. How was dinner with your mother?” The smile on her lips slowly turned into a frown, and her head rattled as her hues rolled in their orbits, “I don’t want to talk about that.” Cataleya could feel her father’s eyes on her, and he sighed as he rose to his feet and approached her petite physique. “You have to try, pumpkin.” She nodded her head a few times at her father’s words. “I understand, Dad. I am trying, but you promised to continue our nightly drive if I had dinner with her. Can we go now?” He chuckled as he nodded his head. “I promised to meet you in the car, pumpkin.”

Cataleya knew she should make things right with her stepmother, but whenever she tried to give her a chance, she always made Cataleya feel less of herself. At times, she felt that her stepmother didn’t even love her. Cataleya figured that Angelica wanted her out of the way so that she could have her father to herself. The only person she knew loved her with their whole heart was her father; she knew that he would never leave her, and she just loved him completely. It was the purest love the young girl had ever experienced, and she never wanted to live without him. He was the only person who understood her and didn’t judge her. Her father was her happiness; she never wanted to know what life would feel like without him.

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“Why is this light not green yet? We’ve been sitting here for almost thirty minutes.” Rolling sage eyes into their orbits, her lengthy legs rested against the dashboard as she leaned back in the comforts of the leather seating. “Pumpkin, we have to have patience. I know you want to make it to Blockbuster before they close, but let’s be patient.” A muted sigh escaped her throat, and her head shook as her eyes shifted towards her father. “It’s almost ten thirty, and they close at eleven thirty.”

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“I just don’t see the point of waiting for the light to turn green when this street is dead. We’ve seen maybe three other cars on this road. Can we please go? I’ve been dying for this movie, but all my friends won’t stop discussing it. Please? Please?” Cataleya batted her lashes in his direction, her lips turned into a faux pout, and her father laughed lightly and nodded his head before shifting his gaze towards the road.

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“Pumpkin, you always know how to twist my arm. I’ll take the risk, but this movie better be worth it. What’s the name of this movie, again?”

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The sound of a horn caused her father to grip the steering wheel, the movement of the rattling car caused screams to erupt from her father’s lips, and Cataleya’s dainty digits grabbed onto his plaid shirt as her hues locked with his own. “I’m sorry. . .” She mumbled as the car spun out of control, the sound of shattered glass and screams of pain echoed in the backward. Then it was over. It was over and done with; the moments of impact that led her to this moment were all her fault.

We never realize how one thing can ruin the rest of our lives forever.

。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

˖ ࣪ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖ ་ 𝖊𝖓𝖉 𝖔𝖋 𝖋𝖑𝖆𝖘𝖍𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐 , 𝖌𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖇𝖞𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘 ˖ ࣪ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖

The memory plagued her mind, her heartbeat racing as the tears cascaded down her cheeks as she pressed the picture to her chest, sobbing as she rocked herself back and forth. “Life is flying by, and it's hitting me now. I hope it's not, but if this is the last time, please come close. I love you with all my heart, you know I don't want to cry, I'm bad at goodbye. If this is the last time, let's do what we always do, like go for a drive.” The words trailed off as the song ended; she couldn’t shake the memories or the feeling of utter sadness because this was her fault, and no matter what, it would always be her fault. Her face was wet from the tears, her eyes burning with desperation, looking for a release. Her lips whispered, “I’m just sad. Sad is what I am.”

She was begging for an escape, a glint in her eyes, the blade's reflection as her fingers itched for the pain as she twisted her wrist to see the previous slices. Cataleya twirled the edge within her fingers, and with a slight flick, she felt the blade pressed into her flesh, which allowed her to exhale. Wincing slightly at the pain and the crimson liquid dropping onto her ivory sheets, Cataleya continued the action as hysterical laughter resonated from her throat.

“I’m officially off the rails. You should try it.”

[poemofthestars]

ੈ✩• 𝖘𝖔𝖑𝖔: 𝖓𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖓 𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖘, 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖙𝖜𝖔 • ੈ✩

“Poor little white rabbit so lost in time you lost track of everything else; including your mind.”

ੈ✩• 𝖕𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖔𝖓𝖊, 𝖆𝖈𝖙 𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗 • ੈ✩

Time was such a fickle thing, something that you could never get back and found yourself longing for more. Cataleya wished she had more time with her father, wished that she could replay the accident, and wished that she saw the other car coming. She wished that she never told her father she wanted that stupid movie, she doesn’t even remember what movie it was or why she thought that she needed it but at that moment; she needed it and it cost her the chance to grow up with her father. Longing to see his face, to hear him laugh, to hear him tell those horrible jokes that he told...she just wished that she could get that time back, she wished that she could get him back but neither of those things would happen. She would never get him back and she can’t rewind time.

“Cataleya? Cataleya? Cataleya, are you still with me?” The sound of her name caused the blonde to shake her head, her eyelids blinked a few times and her mossy irises landed upon the brunette. Cataleya inhaled a deep breath as she placed the cancer stick within her parted lips. She inhaled, exhaling the smoke and a quiet cough left her lips.

“Yes, Joanna, I can hear you loud and clear.” Cataleya had to admit that the name that her latest therapist wore didn’t really fit her features, Jo, as she liked for her patients to call her, was a twenty-something-year-old brunette with a slim waist and quirky personality; always smiling and believing that things would get better if you talked them out. Cataleya thought that was utter bullshit, the pain of her father dying and the guilt from that night would never go away. She would always feel this pain, this sadness. The only thing that she knew...and lately it was the only thing that made her feel--Cataleya couldn’t feel anything but pain, she started to welcome the pain; the sadness. It called to her aching heart and she didn’t mind it anymore.

Pausing momentarily, her eyes shifted towards Joanna. “Don’t you want to be happy?” Joanna’s words circulated through Cataleya’s mind, warping into something logical, and the blonde slowly stood to her feet, her nude heels kissing the wooden surface. Her thighs were marked red due to her nails digging into her flesh. “Jo. I can’t be happy, I shouldn’t be happy. My father is dead. Do you know how that feels? To know that you are the reason for his death.” Her hues landed on Joanna, a stray tear glided down her features. “Would you?” Joanna nodded her head a few times, inhaling as she searched Cataleya’s eyes. She could see how broken the young girl was and she wished she could help but Cataleya was slipping away, falling apart. “No..No,Cataleya. I can’t relate to your pain and I don’t think anyone should go through what you are going through but, let’s shift gears. Cataleya, I want you to tell me about a time in your life when you were genuinely happy...before all of this pain and sadness.”

Cataleya’s eyelids blinked a few times, shock was evident on her features as she leaned against the ivory wall. “I honestly, don’t think I do.” She uttered in a hushed tone, her eyelids fluttering shut as she nipped at her lower lip.

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𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊

The sun was beaming downward, illuminating the field with its shine as the sound of laughter roared from the male and soft giggles erupted from a young girl. Her bare foot kissed the textured ground as she picked up her speed, tilting her head slightly to catch a glimpse of the men. In a matter of minutes, he leaned down and lifted her upward; he spun her lithe physique in the air which only caused her giggles to grow louder and louder.

“Daddy, I'm touching the sky.” The young girl mused, her small arms lifted outward as she felt the wind against her flushed cheeks. “Daddy, I can fly...I can fly, daddy.” The giggles grew louder as her feline physique spun in the air.

“I can see, pumpkin.” His raspy tone emitted from his chest as he slowly placed her down on the grass, she swung back and forth lightly as she gained her composure; he placed his hand against her small back so that she didn’t tip over. A smile was plastered on her lips, she lifted her head upward. “Daddy, why did we come here?”

He smiled down at his daughter, he flopped down as his head rested against the grass and a smile on his lips. “I just thought this would be a good place for you to play, away from the city. Don’t you agree, pumpkin?” Her head nodded at a rapid speed before her head rested against his chest, her dainty legs lifted upward. “Yes, daddy, I agree.”

The silence was welcoming, the sound of the wind dancing with the flowers as she snored softly caused him to slowly lift himself upward. His arms wrapped around her as he smiled down at her, and he placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. “D..D..Daddy, don’t forget the flowers, I need flowers.” She uttered in a hushed tone, her lids still shut. He nodded his head slightly, he bent down and his fingers clung to the sunflower as he yanked it forward. “Pumpkin, I'll always bring you flowers.”

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𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊

“Pumpkin, I'll always bring you flowers.” The words were uttered in a hushed tone, her heart clung in her chest as her palm rested against the nearby wall.

“What was that, Cataleya?” Joanna questioned, Cataleya, shook her head slightly as the words sprung out of her mouth. “My dad said he would always bring me flowers.” The words caused pain to surge within her physique, her chest heaved with each breath she drew in as crystal tears blinded her vision and she dropped to the floor, tugging her knees to her torso to fold into herself as liquid slithered along her cheeks. Red trails were left behind as she cried into her knees.

At that moment Joanna realized that Cataleya was so lost in her sadness that she had no idea how visible it was and no matter what anyone said, the girl didn’t want to be pulled out of it. The ache made Cataleya feel alive because any ounce of happiness was tied to her father and since her father was gone so was her happiness. Joanna lifted herself from the leather chair and she made her way towards Cataleya, she placed her palm on Cataleya’s shoulder and the tears that poured out of Cataleya’s eyes soon dropped from Jo’s eyes as she realized that she couldn’t help the broken girl.

[poemofthestars]

◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ •• 𝖘𝖔𝖑𝖔: 𝖓𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖓 𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖘, 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖔𝖓𝖊 •• ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇ “Do you know what hurts most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before… try to keep that feeling, because… if it goes… you'll never get it back…You lay waste to the world… and everything in it.”

⋆ PHASE ONE, ACT FIVE ⋆

Cataleya Rousseau, the girl with hurricane eyes and a tortured soul. The girl that once loved her life, once thought that anything could happen if she believed in herself–who would have probably taken over the world with one glance. She was beautiful and intelligent, and she was filled with so much potential but things don’t always work out how you think they will, in the end, she became the opposite of what she should’ve been, and now..now, Cataleya Rousseau was a girl that was on a warpath–constantly fighting with herself and at the rate that she was going, she would see her end. An end that she had been yearning for, it was an itch that she couldn’t scratch, always clawing at her. Drumming at her already broken heart. Cataleya’s heart was broken into a million pieces, pieces that were constantly stabbing her but she liked the pain, pain was how she knew that she was alive, she needed to feel something–anything.

Flaxen curls created a thick, messy veil around her slender shoulders as the cool, evening breeze enfolded her in its soothing comfort, sending light shivers down the length of her spine.Cataleya’s high heels clicked against the pavement, she slowly walked down the side of a narrow street and inhaled a deep breath. The storm that was brewing within her was slowly pulling her down. Her palms brushed against her arms to give her warmth, inhaling and exhaling as her heels continued to hit the pavement. The sounds of cars speeding past her caused her curls to dance with the wind.

“Who am I?”

She uttered in a slight whisper, a question that she had asked herself many times, a question that started and ended with 𝘩𝑖𝑚]; he wasn’t a boy that cheated on her, wasn’t a guy that she was dating--–no him was her father, he had left…well, he was killed. He was killed on a quiet night like this, the sound of cars drifting on the streets reminded her of the night he was taken from her, and ever since that day, she had been finding ways to remember him, to feel him. The methods that she had found herself partaking in weren’t methods that she should’ve used. It started off with weed, escalated to pills then came alcohol, and needles and the last thing she did was slice her wrist from time to time. And, each time she felt alive, she felt in control but the feeling never lasted. She still didn’t feel anything. Cataleya had grown accustomed to the numbing within herself, she was addicted to the losing fight. She knew that the further she allowed herself to fall deeper into the black hole that was slowly but surely eating her up inside.

The sound of her cellular device buzzing caused her to snap out of her own thoughts, slender digits slipped into her back pocket to retrieve her phone, rolls her sage eyes clockwise at the name that popped up on her screen prior to a sigh emitting from her lips as she placed the device against her ear lobe.“Yes?” She managed to utter. Jayden sighed before her voice rang in Cataleya's ear, “Cataleya, where the hell are you? I’ve been calling you all night…Come back, I'm sorry that I flipped out but come on, that was a lot of drugs.”

Cataleya could hear the pain in her step-sister’s voice, the cracking in her tone as she pleaded for her to come back. Cataleya didn’t like hurting her family..she wished that she could stop and be normal. That she could go back to being the girl that she was before but she couldn’t and the sooner everyone stopped trying to save her, the better. Cataleya paused momentarily, "Cataleya? Say something." She inhaled and exhaled as her words finally slipped past her lips. “Jayden, I'm officially off the rails, you should try it.” Laughter uttered from her lips, her head shook slightly and she could hear Jayden speaking words echoing in her head but she didn’t care. At that moment, she realized that she didn’t care about anything and that she was tired of feeling this way because, in all honesty, she didn’t feel a thing. She wanted to feel and the reason she continued to hurt herself was that she wanted to feel. Cataleya halted in her tracks, slowly removing her phone from her ear as it languidly fell to the ground the sound of Jayden screaming her name was heard but she didn’t pay attention, her right foot stepped over the curve and the left one quickly followed and both her heels planted firmly on the street as bright headlights started to beam towards her, her heels continued to kiss the ground with each step that she took; the sound of honking didn’t faze her.

Nothing really fazed her. She wasn’t scared.

“I’m not scared! I want to be scared. I want to be hurt!” The words expelled from her lips in a high pitch scream, her feet planted firmly onto the street, her hair blowing with the wind as the cars sped past; they honked for her to move but Cataleya didn’t stray from her position, she wanted this to end. She wanted to feel something, she wanted to feel anything.

The lights beamed in front of her, and her body collided with the moving vehicle as she was tossed against the windshield; shattering into pieces, the car slowly shifted and her body hit the ground. Crimson liquid glided down her head towards her features, a tear sliding down her cheeks as her eyelids slowly fluttered shut as the pain consumed her whole body.

“Send help, someone call for help!”

Cataleya heard the male's raspy voice as she slowly started to fade, the pain was clawing at her and in a matter of minutes, her heartbeat started to slow down. The life that she once held was slipping away.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐧𝐝?

[poemofthestars]

𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐲𝐚 𝐑𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐮 ✦ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐇𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞

Original Character based on Twitter

Username: PoemOfTheStars

A hurricane will cease its torrents of rain before moving on to another city. Perhaps it will wreak more havoc there and that was the case when it came to Cataleya Rousseau, she was known as the hurricane when it came to her life. The blonde didn’t used to be this way, she used to believe that life was filled with obstacles but that you could always find your way and that there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Cataleya was the only child of her mother and father, she never knew her mother because she passed away during birth. Her parents had tried to get pregnant for years and were both aware that if she did get pregnant then it was a high chance that the baby might not make it, if the birth was successful then her life might be on the line. All of these things were made aware to the Rousseau family. Cataley’s father always saw his daughter as a blessing, as his bright star and the two were inseparable, it was Cataleya and her father for years. That was until he met Angelica Rivera, Angelica was the woman that helped him find love again, and Christopher–her father was happy. Angelica and Cataleya didn’t get along. Cataleya felt as if she wasn’t truly the woman for her father and Cataleya made this known. Her father and her best friend Melina knew about Cataleya’s distaste for her stepmother. The only benefit of the marriage between the two was her step-sister Jayden, Cataleya and Jayden were not the best of friends but they were close but that all changed on the night that Christopher Rousseau died in a car accident. Cataleya was in the car with her father, she washed the light leave his eyes and from that day she was never the same. All she cared about was herself, no longer wanting anything to do with her “family,” her stepmother was making her life hell and that was all because everything was left in Cataleya’s name. The jealousy was obvious and due to this Cataleya pulled away from her “family” and ever since, she and Jayden could never come back. Will Cataleya ever get back to how she used to be or will the hurricane take over her heart? She was stuck in the northern lights.