pococurantina

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with the way Elon Musk keeps cutting the US's global south death squad money, i have to imagine that the water cooler talk in the CIA office the last few weeks has been exclusively plotting his assassination

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Favorite thing about the Red Note shenanigans: Mongolian ranchers suddenly gaining a rabid following of American horse girls and being like "we knew you had cowboys but we didn't know you value and love horses as friends like we do, this is excellent"

Mongolian rancher 🤝 American horse girl synergy I guess

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husbands looking for their sunglasses

they wouldnt find anything in any universe

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i don't respect americans and what they refer to as chicken sandwiches because when i was working at my old job as a barista slash sandwich bitch (australian) i had this american tourist come in and order a chicken sandwich so i started MAKING. her. a chicken sandwich. asked her what kind of bread she wanted and she looked at me funny. i said We have sourdough, rye, multigrain, wholemeal, plain white bread. she said I Want A Chicken Sandwich. i, roughly 19 years old at the time and not getting paid enough to deal with rude americans, realised we were at some sort of stalemate, although i didn't really know why. i change tacks for a second and say Okay. Well would you like chicken schnitzel or would you like plain roast chicken. and she says. Are You Listening To Me? I Said I Wanted A Chicken Sandwich. i am smiling at her from behind the counter and gripping a large knife. "i'm trying to make one for you, i promise. i just need to know what kind of bread and what kind of chicken and also what other fillings you want". or at least i say something LIKE that. secretly at this point i'm hoping that she outright yells at me so i can have an excuse to go stand in the walk in freezer for a few minutes. eventually we figure out that her idea of a chicken sandwich and my idea of a chicken sandwich are not the same, and i have to explain to her that we don't have burger buns here and we also don't have fried chicken. she says fine, but she says it in a tone that indicates that she cannot believe this is happening to her and that it is, singularly, my fault. i give her a bunch of options for food we DO sell and she ends up ordering something With Ketchup. i smile at her and i say "oh you mean Tomato Sauce". i was antagonizing her just a little bit at this point. a tiny bit. because she deserved it. she looks me in the face and says, Americanly (smugly) something about my attitude and how she won't be tipping. i gleefully tell her "we don't have tipping here." and then i secretly charged her two extra dollars for being an awful person. and that's my story about americans and chicken sandwiches. okay love you.

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Fuck with me

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the funniest shit in the world is that theres a polish grocery store called Leviathan like that's literally what its called

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remember how utterly inescapable how i met your mother used to be with the memes and references and barney and bro code and wait for it... and then the finale was so hated it vanished overnight

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Why was I today years old when I learned that lead compounds taste SWEET and THAT'S why kids eating paint chips back in the day was a concern?

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my notes app is a wonderful place with lots of little forgotten treasures for me to find later and appreciate my poetic brilliance 😌

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uh hey that person you just reblogged from used to be in our discord server but we had to kick them out because they admitted to watching t*m and j*rry... that show features violence and as such glorifies it.... when we confronted them all they said was "wtf its a show about a cat and a mouse"... if you dont believe me theres a whole callout post that features their name age and street address so you can go to their house and check... anyways you should unfollow them before people start thinking you like problematic media too :/ just trying to help