pocketshrimps

[pocketshrimps]

I was watching my friends play Ghost of Tsushima and they kept asking if people had mics on. No one answered. They lost a spot. So, they just carried on a conversation between themselves. Tiffiany Hadish was brought up. One of them said Tiffiany Haddish sucks and the whole lobby just burst to life. "Don't talk shit about Tiffiany" and "She's a national treasure!" had me laughing my ass off. Both of them were mad because the whole entire match of losing everyone actually had mics.

Godbless that woman.

[pocketshrimps]

Why does my dom have to be a sore loser when it comes to video games? I have gotten better at video games I have been playing but he refuses to play some of them with me because he thinks I have gotten better than him.

I wouldn't even call it getting better, but I have gotten on par. I don't always win. Sometimes I lose or I slip up and lose. I'm not even that good to enter tournaments.

[pocketshrimps]

well if I wanted to go to sleep I would have done it by now but I've drank 2 Monster coffees and I don't plan on stopping any time soon until I crash

[pocketshrimps]

Didn't realize how depressed I've been lately. I've cried a lot over a bunch of things. Life is kicking me in the nads.

[pocketshrimps]

Once I bought a jar of pickles. Couldn't open them and asked a friend. Told me he couldn't open it. Kept trying to get him to open it because I wanted pickles. He literally waited till the end of the month to open them.

"I could have done that the whole entire time."

I just stood there and couldn't say shit. I got fooled for an entire month by a man who can lift me.

[pocketshrimps]

Picrewの「Blah」でつくったよ！ https://picrew.me/share?cd=fKRRekwqyW #Picrew #Blah

[pocketshrimps]

Bruh, we have a tornado warning till like 2AM and someone is just outside arguing. I just wanna enjoy the storm rolling through after a whole day of being depressed and disassociating.

[pocketshrimps]

Picrewの「AmphyPop Doll Maker」でつくったよ！ https://picrew.me/share?cd=Y9QDwCUNaK #Picrew #AmphyPop_Doll_Maker

[pocketshrimps]

Picrewの「テラリウムメーカー」でつくったよ！ https://picrew.me/share?cd=ZX71DUtfBa #Picrew #テラリウムメーカー

[pocketshrimps]

Tonight during my closing shift someone came in and told me that someone's wife is mad at him for talking to me when he comes in. She thinks because we shoot the shit for a bit that he was flirting with me. I was like Whhhhaaaat? Who? I talk to so many people a day. They told me who they married to and I was I don't know any woman with that maiden name except a girl I went to 4H with. So I asked my cousin because I've been somewhat reclusive part of my life. I didn't talk to many people in school. She didn't know.

So like I did a search on Google with both last names, looked her up and found out that it's the guy that gave me the nickname Goat. I got that nickname because he saw me wearing a Baphomet sigil shirt while I was working once. I never knew his first name so I was just really confused.

I just hope that she isn't really mad at me enough to come in during one of my shifts and confront me. It literally wouldn't be the first time something like that happened work. One of my old co-workers would call everyone hun. Someone's wife felt like she was flirting with their husband. Showed up and tried to confront her but had mistaken my boss for her.

[pocketshrimps]

It's weird being told your whole life you have to respect adults. Then still be treated poorly and invalidated.

I experienced a lot of emotional neglect with my parents. My oldest sister was abusive. The rest of my siblings wanted nothing to do with me because I was weird. I wasn't weird. I just was into things things they didn't have any interest in.

My parents ignored my pleas for help with mental health and still tried to gaslight me about it. I was also gaslighted about money. They told me I was bad with money and I never paid any of my hospital bills. That I didn't know how to save it. Which when I first started working an actual job they wanted 300 a month. When you make 8.25 an hour and still have to pay for your own things it's very hard. I even got yelled at for saving up for something occasionally. They went through anything I ordered. It wasn't like I had a problem splurging on things I didn't need. Just coming to terms with all of that is not only frustrating but depressing.

When my father's mother passed away they bought one of the cars from him for 500 so it could be used towards her expenses after she died. It didn't run but it came with the parts for the engine to be fixed. I had to save up for it for more than a year. By the time I had enough to fix it the cost was 1,500+. All the tires had to be replaced too. I've dumped so much money into that car to keep it running.

On top of paying those expenses I paid for my own medicines and office visits with my doctor, therapist and psychiatrist. I've also been 2 involuntary psych holds. My first one they let me leave. The bill with what insurance paid was 1,500. I paid that off. My second hold I was not allowed to go because I was deemed a threat to others and myself. I stayed in the psych ward for a week. If I didn't have my parent's insurance it would have been 10k. I was billed 1,500. I paid that off. I couldn't get my meds after getting out because I missed a week of work and the 145 dollars I had in my account my dad had taken out. I told him I didn't have enough money to pay for my scripts or see my psychiatrist to get them filled. He told me that I would just have to wait till I had the money. Coming back from having no money was hard. I got dropped off my parents' insurance. I never did get my scripts and was off my meds for 3 years and it was a living hell.

What really hit me hard was that my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me within the week I was out. I felt like I did something wrong because he wouldn't explain anything and just left it as I deserve someone better. Every thing we had planned to do was just dropped like it was never thought of. I felt abandoned after that. It's why I don't try to get invested in trying to date someone. It never lasts. Then I get the same feelings again.

I eventually decided to move in with a friend. I couldn't stand being at my parents' house where I had no privacy. I wasn't allowed to drive outside of town and was threatened to have the car taken away from me. When I mentioned I was on the title of the car I was told that didn't matter and I would have the cops called on me.

My friend and I split the rent. It was 390. So we each paid half of that. Eventually he got a better job and had to move. Housing refused to lower my rent. They told me I made too much. I was not making that much for being a single person in a one bedroom apartment. So I would be spending the majority of my paycheck and keeping part of the rest for next month's rent. Being told that I made too much made me think that I didn't qualify for any assistance with food or medical care. I set myself up on a budget for everything. I ate one meal a day and slept the rest until the next day. It wasn't healthy. I only ate white rice with vegetarian soup. I lost over 30 lbs.

The whole rent situation just really pissed me off. Everyone I knew who was living in there did not pay the flat rate. If I didn't go with the flat rate it would be more than 390. None of them paid even close to that either. I think it was because I didn't have a child, wasn't elderly or disabled. Which didn't make any sense still as some of my neighbors did not have kids, were not elderly or disabled. Even one of the local guys on the housing board said that it didn't sound right that I was paying that much. The judge, who was at one point my lawyer when I was a kid, told me that I was definitely rent burdened. I could have went to a board meeting but honestly I was afraid of any retaliation. I was scared of sticking up for myself.

My mental health hasn't gotten better. My therapist did say that I did the right thing moving out. Although I don't like living alone. I had a friend pass away last year and we would hang out almost every single day and we lived from across each other. Everyone I went to school with has moved out of town or they're just busy with their job and SO. Getting ahold of people is hard. Making plans is hard. Trying to get a conversation online and continued is hard. It's why I hate when people tell they'll keep in touch. I know they will for a while but then it slowly comes to a stop. If I initiate the conversation it only goes on for a day. I haven't tried to reach out to any of them since. I don't think it's worth the effort anymore.

[pocketshrimps]

My old AC unit died and my cousin didn't have to buy me a new one. She did though and I really appreciate it. My apartment gets hot real quick and it sucks. It's also a double whammy to me because my car only has one window that rolls down and I have no working AC in it either. By the time I'd get to work I'd be so hot and even hotter during my work shifts.

I honestly don't take care of myself like I should. Half the time I don't eat or drink enough fluids. I just drink a hell of lot of coffee, play video games and smoke cigarettes to keep my self awake and occupied.

[pocketshrimps]

I have been congested really bad, headaches and a lot of other things. So I've been tired. I've been resting since it's my day off. For good measure I put up note on my door that I haven't been feeling well and for people not to knock on my door.

And someone knocked on my door like 4 times. Like I don't care. I just want to rest and be left alone.

[pocketshrimps]

Picrewの「做着玩玩」でつくったよ！ https://picrew.me/share?cd=43o7oLxsAB #Picrew #做着玩玩

[pocketshrimps]

Picrewの「lyn mametchi maker」でつくったよ！ https://picrew.me/share?cd=qNHdcEXfsN #Picrew #lyn_mametchi_maker

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