pls-dontforgether

[pls-dontforgether]

i fucking hate you. no genuinely. i loathe you and your horrible existence on this realm of living.

[pls-dontforgether]

gay

[pls-dontforgether]

no. dead mom. dead mom trumps everything you fucking think or feel.

how fucking dare you. "go home" note left on my bag when i get back from cleaning my dead mother's house. cause i bruised your ego in front of my sister for not helping clean said dead mother's apartment.

i even gave you the chance of being overwhelmed, being tired. and i get back to that god forsaken note. i took it home with me btw. it's on my wall. to remind me what you did

my dead mother tops any and everything you think is more important, you selfish prick

[pls-dontforgether]

i overthink, i overlove, i overfeel and yet, i don’t regret it one bit. it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. it’s either all or nothing

[pls-dontforgether]

some fuck head wrote on your missing post.

Lester McPherson:

Check your local Crack houses

he can't even do proper capitalization, you're dead and he can't even make a grammatically correct dig at you

[pls-dontforgether]

You've been dead for a month and your landlord had a missing person report filed for you. I found it obviously first.

And now Katie is losing her mind over it (probably drunk).

[pls-dontforgether]

It is crazy that I can lay here and imagine the guilt you felt of having the face of your father. Seeing the woman who was hurt by him to almost death. Calling her your mother.

I can sit here and feel just as guilty cause I have the face of yours and I killed you. I killed you and I carry the remnants of your father far more then you ever did.

And I call her mum too.

[pls-dontforgether]

I very genuinely think that if I wasn't here, you would still be alive.

If I did not exist, you would be here and well. And no one would have to miss you.

It is my fault that you are gone.

[pls-dontforgether]

I genuinely would give everything I have right now, to just have one of you here and stable and happy.

[pls-dontforgether]

I want to be running through an open park with long grass, yelling for my dad to wait for me.

I want to be opening the front door and putting shopping bags on the table, eager to show my mom what I got.

[pls-dontforgether]

One of the few things I remember about ny mother is her laugh.

And the way one of my brothers almost mimics it perfectly.

[pls-dontforgether]

I want to crawl back into my 13 year old skin.

Eating only gummy worms, seeing mom and drawing. Watching how to train your dragon until the beginning of high school began

But im about to turn 21. Stressed about paying rent and extremely sad that ill never see my mother again.

[pls-dontforgether]

My mom died

[pls-dontforgether]

"I don't think the assault attempt that happened to me at 17 changed me that much."

You seek a protective older male in whoever is your partner. The way a trustable brother or father would treat the little girl in the family. And then you have monthly sobbing episodes at home when your partner engages in sexual activity.

[pls-dontforgether]

How do I describe that the only person who would understand me is dead? How do I say I feel tainted just existing as my grandfather's grand daughter, the man who almost killed my grand mother? How do I say that to someone?

The only person who understands was my father who killed himself out of all the grief he felt in the world and now I am alone to carry his burden. I, the sole only real blood reflection staring into the eyes of the woman I call my mum telling me about how her husband. The man whos last name I have. Almost beat her to death.

[pls-dontforgether]

I miss my dad

[pls-dontforgether]

hook, line and sinker.