pixl-t-tties

[pixl-t-tties]

I miss playing Minecraft with Rei...

[pixl-t-tties]

It takes years. It takes years to learn it. Those were the last words. It was teaching me that lesson.

[pixl-t-tties]

Is it actually possible to mistreat me? Is what anon is doing justified? I mean I'm an abuser so any action taken against me is okay right? Just because it hurts it's not bad. Rei wouldn't do that. It's justified. Anon is protecting them. It's good they have someone protecting them from me. Anon was never wrong.

[pixl-t-tties]

I wonder how much longer I can survive this. Things are getting so bad. They've been bad before and I thought I had already hit the bottom but never like this. I've never self harmed so much before...

[pixl-t-tties]

Will this pain ever go away?

[pixl-t-tties]

I'm so tired of pretending that I'm okay so people don't worry about me. Anon is slowly killing me and I can feel it. I'm stressed 90% of the day. I'm getting horrible sleep. I keep having nightmares about the voicemails he leaves me. Rei can't actually be in on it. This couldn't have been a game all this time. I know what the audio sounds like but it has to be fake. They wouldn't do this to me. Unless it actually isn't cruel? Am I just upset that I'm not getting my way? Is anon actually hurting me or doing anything wrong? Am I relapsing? I know I often get stuck here but every time it feels like I'm making progress something brings me back...

I don't even care about getting better or being happy anymore... I just want it to end however it has to.

[pixl-t-tties]

I want to find that gun and blow my brains out. I can't keep living like this. Everything hurts. I can't tell anyone. If I told anyone I was planning to kill myself it would be abusive.

[pixl-t-tties]

I'm so tired of waking up with sleep paralysis. It feels like it's every night now and I always wake up feeling so scared and unable to move.

[pixl-t-tties]

How am I supposed to be kind to myself when everything in the universe is telling me that the world is better without me? Would anon continue getting away with it if it was wrong? I feel like things are getting bad again... I can't even tell if what anon is doing is bad or not. Do I deserve it? It feels like I do. I don't feel encouraged to... I don't know. I've sat here for a hour after zoning out. I should just post this already

[pixl-t-tties]

I can't keep living like this... I can't do it.

[pixl-t-tties]

I'm so tired of not being able to sleep... This is going to be life now isn't it? He isn't going to stop...

[pixl-t-tties]

I keep hearing those voicemails in my sleep. They can't be real. They aren't real. Why do they hurt me so much if they aren't real?

[pixl-t-tties]

It's not true right? I know my therapist said it but Rei isn't working with anon. They wouldn't be. They aren't defending anon. Is anon using AI to make it sound like Rei wants me to kill myself? How would anon have the ability to do that? They would need to train the AI using Rei's voice. Is it a sound alike? How does anon know what Rei sounds like?

[pixl-t-tties]

I got another voice mail from a Rock Falls Illinois area code number. It sounded like Rei talking again. This time they said they hope that I succeed in killing myself so when they're tempted to come back and message me again they won't be able to make that mistake.

[pixl-t-tties]

I know that I never had any value as a person and nobody will ever miss me, but I hope they're okay at least.

[pixl-t-tties]

I miss rei...

[pixl-t-tties]

Should I look for that gun tomorrow?