pissriku

[pissriku]

a customer returned a drink because a fly flew into it and said: “one of your flies flew into my drink” and my coworker was so confused that they just said: “…my fly?”

[pissriku]

Generational toxic masculinity.

[pissriku]

bernies silence on cream soda mermaid is deafening

[pissriku]

"the early 2010s were better" no they weren't. "hey soul sister" was on the radio.

[pissriku]

[pissriku]

why do you hate swifties so much

because they aligned themselves with the treacherous count dooku

[pissriku]

your friend brett in 2003: “hey guys! ready for a deathmatch round in blood gulch?”

you and your two other friends who found a glowing crystal in the back of your house that gave you a prophetic glimpse into the future where the three of you live successful lives but only if brett dies following a series of finely-connected events that begin with him winning a round of deathmatch on blood gulch: “yeah brett you’re on”

[pissriku]

If you can't whistle, your life will be beset upon all sides by countless droves of people who are 100% convinced they both can and must teach you to whistle. Each and every one will believe themself to be the first person to have thought this.

[pissriku]

Batman Forever (1995) dir. Joel Schumacher

[pissriku]

i was actually never taught how to dougie, the amarican education system is so bad here

[pissriku]

Distribution of ticks infected with Lyme disease in the US

[pissriku]

i got my new tetanus shot who wants to play bucket of rusty nails withme ^_^

[pissriku]

love the word “rapscallion”. like not only are you a rascal but you’re also kind of spring onion about it too

[pissriku]

[pissriku]

"What if my friends secretly hate me?" What if they pray for you before bed? What if they hear a song come on and it makes them immediately think of you? What if when times are hard for them, they close their eyes and think of the memories they've shared with you? What if they study your face closely to see how you're feeling? What if they listen to your stories? What if they smile when you text them first? What if

[pissriku]

Honestly there's nothing a child can do in public that's as much of a disturbance as an adult yelling at them

[pissriku]

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