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Hey friend! ^_^ Click or treat! *boops*

Happy Halloweeeeeen! 🦇👻🎃

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hey man, i hope everything's going well for you, i genuinely hope it is

everything is just going downhill for me, and i'm losing all hope

i'd be happy to see someone i care about having the happiness and joy that my life is seemingly devoid of

i hope you have a great week, and a great life, if this is maybe the last time i get to speak to you

goodbye, bettina :)

I don't know why you decided to submit this ask to me of all people, but this sounds like a call for help to me... you say you're losing hope, and this might be the last time you speak to me? How am I supposed to respond? I am happy and having a good week, but how can I stay happy when one of my fans says something like this???

I don't know what I'm meant to do in a situation like this, but I hope that anyone following me or coming across this post might know what to do better than me, and know how to do something to help this person. Maybe they might have a flair for the dramatic, but I'm taking this user seriously.

Please don't go away, friend. I don't know anything about you, but I'd still be sad that you said hi only to say goodbye forever...

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memeception

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glad to see those spreading the truth

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Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

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As a Chimney voter I am pleased

please spread this so that it can actually be funny instead of just 1 person voting

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Can't see this reply, but anyways, haha, no. You're not a victim just because you identify as one. 🥰

One of the rare times I'll tell you to cease existing is if you identify with the transcsa term because I don't care how you explain it do not make CHILD SEXUAL ASSAULT a fucking TRANS IDENTITY LABEL?

Also goes for Transracial and Transramcoa - or any similar - label identifiers ok thx bye Xx

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i don’t think mordecai and rigby were ever gay for each other but i do think many times rigby would be like dude if i was a girl would you want to fuck me and mordecai is like dude that’s weird. no. and rigby is all bent out of shape about it and in the middle of the night when they’re both trying to sleep he’s like why wouldn’t you fuck me if i was a girl. i’m cute right? or am i ugly and that’s why i’m single… and mordecai is like fine whatever i’d fuck girl you. stop bringing it up now. & the next day rigby is like fuck off muscle man i’m not ugly mordecai said he’d fuck girl me & then a portal opens to an alternate dimension where they’re genderbent like that adventure time episode and the voice of god is like mordecai you must make good on your word. fuck girl rigby.

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About to go live 🥰

https://www.twitch.tv/piper_pc

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You're not scary, anon. You are pathetic.

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Hey ✌

I'm just a stranger but a friend of mine got a weird ask by that anon that's going around, wanted to know if we could talk about it in DMs if you're up for it.

And no, I don't think you're boring or annoying. I'm sorry that this shit has been happening to you and your friends, take care of yourself.

(It's okay! If that anon has my name in it, yeah, that isn't me. It's some stupid troll going around impersonating me and two other artists sending empty threats to random blogs :/)

(They've done worse, but I don't want to talk about it anymore, so just look at this and this)

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The more often I am on this app the more often I am reminded of how cruel and horrible some people can be, even to people who are literally just teenagers. Genuinely disgusting.

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One of the rare times I'll tell you to cease existing is if you identify with the transcsa term because I don't care how you explain it do not make CHILD SEXUAL ASSAULT a fucking TRANS IDENTITY LABEL?

Also goes for Transracial and Transramcoa - or any similar - label identifiers ok thx bye Xx

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I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL I AM SO NORMAL ABSOLUTELY NORMAL

THE UPDATE MADE ME SO HAPPY I'M LITERALLY JUMPING AROUND MY ROOM AND BITING EVERYTHING THAT SURROUNDS ME RRRRRAAAAHHHH

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Saved me last golden delicious for welcome home update day heehoo. Y'all having fun? Ya like my silly voices? Legally* you have to okay. Hope y'all having fun with it; I know I did (I didn't know what it'd all look like till I saw it with my own eyes)!!

Thank you all for your support of Clowns incredible project; it's literally why I was able to be a part of it, and it paid for a copy of The House of Leaves, which was nice of Wally to get me a book**. And it means the world of me to see Clown supported, and this crazy thing manifesting a lil' more in the world.

And now it's out....

(Image text: https://www.clownillustration.com/from-me-to-you)

I'm delighted to admit I didn't just do voice work! I wrote a thing! A skit to be specific, which is also a song. (He says, being vauge to avoid spoilers). Hearing it makes me so absolutely happy.

I'm proud of the work I did. And doubly proud of the work everyone else did. (Especially @anonymouspuzzler who did a huge amount of logistical work, not to mention writing, running around with hammer and nails).

...Welcome Home, folks. 💚💖

*this is jokes I'm not a comedy cop. or any other kind of cop.

**Wally does not know what house of leaves is about. Also this is Jokes and Japes.

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I had a wonderful opportunity to make some pixel art for this Welcome Home update!! Huge thanks to Clown for having me, I hope these brought at least 1% more joy to your peepers than the site already has 🙏

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Welcome Home, neighbor. Let's meet the neighborhood. https://www.clownillustration.com/welcome-home