pinkroommadness-blog

[pinkroommadness-blog]

[pinkroommadness-blog]

My life is a roller coaster of emotions and mistakes.

[pinkroommadness-blog]

Sade

[pinkroommadness-blog]

[pinkroommadness-blog]

Everyday that I'm awake it haunts me, What's the point of life? Answers are never obtained, I fucking hate everything and I don't know why, Everybody who enters my life is wrong for me. Who has cursed my love life with unrequited love from every being that touches my soul? Fuck life and everything that comes with it, I'm tired of trying, my friends are the only family that I feel connected to, I no longer want this vessel, no one wants to be around the depressed except for individuals as fucked up as I am. Nothing or no one can save me, I give up, fuck whoever has hurt me and turned me into this distressed piece of shit, Fuck you

[pinkroommadness-blog]

Prelude

Pri- I love you brother as much as I love my blood brother. We have been through far too much together and it pains me that I can’t feel the pleasure of success with you. I remember writing movies and new raps every fucking day on that couch with our brother Vesey. Your family accepted me as their own during my roughest of times and I will always love them for that. I’m sorry for anything or any headaches I have caused you with my mental insanity b. I wish you the best of luck in all endeavors. Love you forever and always from the other side, Tony Nelson

7- When I first came to Brentwood I was the shy blind nigga too broke to get new glasses. I didn’t really fuck with anyone and kept to myself because I knew that by doing so I wouldn’t form connections that would surely break. I remember you were fucking with my wack ass Echo Unlimited shirt with the graffiti. Hahahaha god it was awful but anyway you have always been there for me bro. We came a long way and I’m so proud that you followed your passion and if you don’t make it then I’m fucking you up in the afterlife. Even though we never agreed on the same level musically I supported you fully and wish you the best of luck. Love you forever and always from the other side, Tony Nelson

Nathan- The first time we ever talked was in that crack mutha fucking English class sophomore year. We had to all write poems and I just recited a Wiz Khalifa rap hoping no one would notice but of course your punk ass called me out. From there on we just connected beautifully bro for real, you are the most genuine person I have ever met. You have to realize your true potential though because I hate seeing you down on yourself. You will do great things if you pursue fashion b, I promise. Love you forever and always from the other side, Tony Nelson

Garrett- I saw you around every once and a while but I mostly knew you from your vile,dick headed,trash comedy that you posted on twitter. I knew we would be friends because our humor mirrored each other completely. You are one of my brothers for life and the life after even though we were only friends for a short while. Bang out those fucking ideas and make the world yours. Love you forever and always from the other side, Tony Nelson

Bawmbs-You were the only producer who saw my vision the way I did without trying to place me in some box or genre. We only hung a few times but rapping that verse over that Kanye beat placed in your record player will forever be ingrained in my mind. Sorry for all of the let downs, I know I should’ve sent that one verse and better vocals for shit you were working on but my head has been my worse enemy. I wish we could’ve exclusively worked on a tape together but oh well. Be a god bro because you can do it. Love you forever and always from the other side, Tony Nelson

Ant- You’re my brother for ever. You go through what I go through mentally but with added weight. Don’t ever get over none of the pain but let it mold your art into a creation that will outshine the darkness. We had many laughs together and I pray you don’t get back with that shady ass girl that manipulated you to no end. Pursue your passions because all my niggas deserve green. Love you forever and always from the other side, Tony Nelson

Hosnia- We have helped each other through way too much. Keeping our story long will be too much for me to bear. You are a great friend and soul. Wish you a wonderful life and don’t let shit people take advantage of your nice side. Love you forever and always from the other side, Tony Nelson

Ivette- I love you and that is it. We have discussed things together but that stays between you and me. You can tell others if you want to but I’ll keep what we share off of this list of influences and regrets. Love you forever and always from the other side, Tony Nelson

iT- You took me in as a brother and for that I’ll love you forever. This music shit was our escape and we could’ve fucked this game up! Keep everyone’s head on straight bro, you are the most calm and level-headed out of The Core. Love you forever and always from the other side, Tony Nelson

SRC- It’s crazy how even though we barely knew each other that we became close so quick. Hopefully we can meet again after death. Stay vigilant and build bridges burned down correctly. We love you brother. You’re creativity is out of this world. Love you forever and always from the other side, Tony Nelson

[pinkroommadness-blog]

I wanna be this relaxed

[pinkroommadness-blog]

Closing Chapter

Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? The capacity to feel has left my vessel. I am but a husk of my former self. I’ve tried to compensate for my shortcomings but time permits no change. Alone in my dreams is the only time I find peace in being secluded. No one can heal my damaged heart, my damaged soul.

As the morning sun rises I feel tortured to no end. Every second I breath feels like a thousand needles piercing my lungs. Even as such the night brings no peace. I’m forever haunted by my misdeeds to others. My reckless abandon has left many broken hearts in its wake. When your apologies fall upon deaf ears you’ll feel my emptiness.

I closed the doors to the four vessels that pumped life into my veins six years ago but every second has felt like a century. You battered down my walls and the warmth flooded through me once again. I failed you Iliana just like every other man in your life and I’m sorry. Let us be a lesson to teach your soul to never want any such being as I again.

My longing to end this pain will never cease until my heart stops beating. I can’t blame anyone but I will blame expectations. It’s like the world is stuck in an high school mind state even as they grow, find jobs, have kids and get married. I’m no better or smarter than any woman or man on this Earth but the lessons that I’ve learned have made me wiser than my past self. Realizing this had led me to the fact that I can nolonger live this life.

Words are only words and I don’t want to burden anyone with my issues because we all bear the weight of varying problems. Some are meant to carry that weight until their given day while others can only survive until their brain gives up. We all come to this world with a purpose so find your own before you end up in my state. I am strange fruit, please forgive me for my actions before May for summer will never come my way. I will not feel the sun upon my skin with you guys any longer.

Forgive me as I have forgiven anyone who’s transgressed me. Love forever until the end.

Goodbye and may my soul rest in ease

Anthony La Ray Nelson Jr. 4-4-95 - ∞

[pinkroommadness-blog]

Don’t let my death define how you remember me. I was more than how I died. My death wasn’t what I was as a person, it was who I was in the moment of my death. So don’t let your memory of me be about how I died and why I died. Remember ME, not my death and then if you love me, let it go so we can all be at peace.

[pinkroommadness-blog]

I regret never getting over my first true heartbreak. No matter what I tried I couldn’t escape the pain. She treated me so cold but I can’t blame her.. I just thought too far ahead and she just didn’t care. I let that rip in my heart fester and destroy me. I didn’t want to do anything at all and now I’m here in 2017 lost more than I have ever been. Fuck you.

[pinkroommadness-blog]

The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.

Nietzsche

[pinkroommadness-blog]

KILL ME- XXXTENTACION

(Verse) How's it feel? How's it feel with your broken heart? Can't reveal, can't reveal all these fucking scars Hurt me now, kill the pain, this is just the start Kill me now, numb the pain, I just wanna stop Run away, run away from my broken heart Kill me now, numb the pain, this is just the start Run away, run away from my broken heart Kill me now, numb the pain, this is just the start Heart broken, no one can feel me Heart open, with an incision You broke it, too many faces running I'm nothing, I'm nothing different

[pinkroommadness-blog]

[pinkroommadness-blog]

lonely suburb -SEMPERAZUL

-verse 1- After all the bullshit that I've done, I can not be mad that you chose him, Even though I've been broke down before, Don't think I really ever ever felt this hurt, No other girl will ever ever fill your void, Can't realize what you have till it all is gone, Thinking of you intertwined with him, I'm jumping of the edge and I won't swim, -hook- You were the one for me, But I just didn't see, Yes I was blind before, And girl I want you back And back and back(repeat) -bridge- I know I've caused you pain, I swear to god I've changed, So many songs for you, It's like you're here with me, If I just lay down here, Will you lie down with me, Forget the whole damn world, My soul just needs some peace, -hook- You were the one for me, But I just didn't see, Yes I was blind before, And girl I want you back And back and back(repeat)

[pinkroommadness-blog]

romeo and juliet are ridiculous but i can’t really blame them because i too briefly fall in love with anyone who shows me affection