pinetreesandgreentea

[pinetreesandgreentea]

3/21

Today I miss you and I'm telling myself it's alright to. Even though we hurt each other so much. Though I may never be certain of the exact dates I know that we did love one another together, intensely. I no longer wish for your house to burn down but only for you to find happiness in some place besides a bottle or a body.

[pinetreesandgreentea]

2/14/14

I won't stop loving you and that is alright with me because I will not stop loving life People comment the most on the fact that I am almost always all smiles and laughter and when they say this like it is a strange thing it fills my heart I have been trapped in days so dark that I refused to believe there ever was light but now the light is all around me and a part of me I won't stop loving you because I will not stop loving life and you are life and you are the cosmos

[pinetreesandgreentea]

11/28

As we sat around the table with friends eating a thanksgiving feast after a long day of work, one of the older men tried to explain how one knows they really care about someone else and he said this, "You'll know when the smallest thing happens and they are the first person you want to tell. Even a goddamn broken shoelace." It made my heart sting because I knew he was right. Around this time of year loss knocks on my door and I pretend I'm not home, but the grief always ends up swallowing me whole. On our way home the car slid and slid until the side I was on was tilted so much I was sure we weren't going to make it. All I could think of as I saw the long drop and the trees coming right towards me was this is it. This is it. There is no more. As soon as I walked into my house I wanted to call you and tell you that I love you but I knew you wouldn't pick up. I hope your shoelaces never break.

[pinetreesandgreentea]

11/8

It is colder today and I would do anything to thaw my bones When it had been two weeks and you told me you loved me I didn't run When you looked at me like I held the universe and said that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me I didn't run I still did get on that plane though it was one of the most painful moments in my life, clinging to you with my body and my chapped lips as tired travelers with their tired eyes rushed past us with their tired belongings and when I walked to the security checkpoint with tears in my eyes, trying to hold back, the tsa agent looked at me not with tired eyes but eyes that knew. When I think about it now it there is a slight twinge of humor in it really, that your unborn child was conceived while we were falling together. With its age I will count the time we lost. When it reaches it's first, second, third year of life will I still be wishing it had been me instead of her? It is colder today and I would do anything for you to call me home