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bro choose every possible cheat code 🐈😺

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the existence of "maybe", "perhaps", "perchance", and "mayhaps" suggests there should also be "maychance" and "perbe"

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99% of ramblers quit right before they conceive of a coherent thought. KEEP TALKING

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this is how you know Twitter is officially cooked

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i was kind of imagining all 15 pipes dropping at the same time in one cacophony but he drops them one after another very methodically and then sighs and goes At least i only dropped 14 of them.. & then there's. well you're smart you can figure this one out

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hey. listen. when you use too much detergent in your laundry you aren't making your clothes cleaner, you are making them degrade faster. the machine isn't able to rinse out the entire cup of soap you put in, so some of it is left in the fibers of your clothes. when they dry this makes the fabric stiffer and more brittle, so the fibers are more likely to erode and break. over time this makes your clothes wear out much faster than if they were properly rinsed with minimal soap. you are wasting money by overusing detergent, not just on the detergent itself but the clothes you are shortening the lifespan of.

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wait, isnt NSFW the letters on the compass

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ghost in the house: GET OUT. I WILL TAKE YOU-

real estate agent: chill, its me.

ghost: oh hey. have you sold it yet.

real estate agent: obviously NOT, idiot.

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“Got your tail”

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love it when my friends say "you would do numbers on Tumblr" buddy I am on Tumblr. and the number is 3

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Every time I see these bird pins - I cannot resist posting them, perhaps their history, with its fragility and strength, attracts me again and again. 

Bird pins (brooches) made out of scrap materials by Japanese Americans held in internment camps during World War II.From The Art of Gaman: Arts & Crafts from the Japanese American Internment Camps 1942-1946 by Delphine Hirasuna (Ten Speed Press, 2005).

Gaman is a Japanese term of Zen Buddhist origin which means “enduring the seemingly unbearable with patience and dignity”.

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Magic can theoretically be used by anyone but it takes years of meditation and weaving past the fabric of the self and burrowing into the soul of the universe to cast even the most basic spells so where did this farm boy from the back ass of nowhere find the time to learn how to cast fireball

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Funny story from the other night:

A dad came into my cafe with his 3 year old daughter.  He bought her a cookie and himself a coffee.  They sit down, and I go back to my pre-closing cleaning.  Three minutes later the dad walks up to the counter again, so I stop cleaning and walk over to greet him again.

As I’m in the middle of saying “hi” he cuts me off and says “Water.”

Not “Can I get a glass of water, please?” not “Where can I get water?” not even a confused “water?” like he’s not sure how to get water in this cafe.  Just a single word demand.

I work in silicon valley, so I’m kind of used to techies talking to me like I’m Siri or Alexa, but it still always drives me crazy when they do this.  Like, I don’t even care about the “please” anymore, I just want people to talk to me in complete sentences.  So I get the guy a cup of water, and he sits back down. 

As I’m about to go back to cleaning I hear his daughter go “Daddy, you did that WRONG.  You have to say ’CAN I have a glass of water PLEASE’”

My jaw hit the ground.  The dad suddenly became flustered and tried coming up with excuses “I-I said please…” “No you didn’t!” “Well she was busy…. I didn’t want to bother her…..” “You still got to be polite!”

When they were done eating the dad brought the dishes back to the counter and said “Thank you so much!” It’s amazing how fast someone’s manners can improve when a 3 year old calls them out.

Shout out to whoever is teaching that little girl manners, because you know it’s not her dad.  I hope she never stops calling rude people out.

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"your friends are an echo chamber" heyyyyy hey. hey. lock your phone right now and put it down. and walk until you get to the shore and then enter the body of water you encounter and stay in it till youre clean and whole with the world again