piinkstache-archive-blog

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ivyonmiac:

Interview to Hell ✘ @piinkstache

“ Hello..? I‒ I was told to, uh… to come in here for the interview..? ”

Clearing her throat, the female moved into the room further, adjusting her sweater before trying to adjust to the dimness of the room‒ JESUS CHRIST, this felt like something out of a damn HORROR movie! Yikes. Maybe she should just leave and come back another time‒

Wilford turned quickly at the voice, a knife in hand as he did so. He beamed brightly at the woman, before noticing the clean weapon he held and setting it down quickly on a table. “Ah, YES,” he called, smiling and approaching her quickly.  He settled a hand on her shoulder eagerly, shaking her just slightly. “Yes, thank you so much for coming in! Please, please have a seat!”

He pulled her quickly to the two chairs on the set and moved away, walking to the lighting system and turning them on. They were bright, as if they were in an interrogation room; but Wilford cared not. He returned to his seat and sat down, leaning on his knees and tilting his head. “S O , you’re here for the interview? What’s your name?”

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;; cont. from here | @squirrclking

“No reason.” Wilford waved a hand quickly, smirking. “I was curious, is all.”

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“ I hate everything.”

my friends are fucking weird | @carriageofaerietails

He frowned at his friend’s distress, leaning beside her and wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “Aw come on,” he began, trying to give some sort of positive grin her way. “You don’t hate everything. You don’t hate ME, or yourself.”

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❛❛ You’re about as angelic as Lucifer, don’t fool yourself. ❜❜

skype chat starters | @carriageofaerietails

“AHA, but Lucifer started as an angel!” Wilford pointed at his friend, a proud smile on his face as he had done so. He shook around where he stood eagerly, wiggling his brows. "Nice try, Mireya!”

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“Death by the rainbow.”

my friends are fucking weird | @technogod

“Oh-ho, is that the new skittles slogan? I  L I K E  it!”

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carriageofaerietails:

Mireya literally face-palmed, hand landing in the middle of a burdened expression as she huffed out the sigh of a mother that might be at her limit. She really did love and appreciate Wilford, but couldn’t comprehend how he actually bumbled his way through life.

“Will, that’s still gross.” She complained. He was stood now, which hopefully meant he had lost interest in ingesting that thing. “There are plenty of clean, kitchen appropriate knives in the drawer. And once you’re done using them, you can leave them by the sink or wash them and put them back. One day you’re going to make yourself very ill. And I’ll look after you, but I’ll also tell you I told you so.”

He listened to Mireya with a blank expression, allowing her to finish before he tilted his head away. He didn’t like admitting that he was incorrect about things, so the fact that he already had was enough for him. “ALRIGHT,” he said calmly, lifting the plate and making sure to keep eye contact with his companion until he reached the trashcan, at which point he dumped the sandwich in.

“There, are you happy?” he asked, tone coming across irritated although he really wasn’t. He appreciated how she looked out for him, and he probably didn’t let her know that as much as he should. He sighed and put the dirty knife in the sink, opening a drawer beside it and raising a clean one. He examined it’s gleams from the sunlight momentarily before giving a smile. “Do you want one too, then?”

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❛❛ Dying requires effort, for fucks’ sake. ❜❜

skype chat starters | @peeblcs​

“So does murder,” he replied, though her statement did give him pause beforehand. “What’s your  P O I N T ?”

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the host: there will come a time when you have a chance to do the right thing.

wilford: i love those moments. i like to wave at them as they pass by.

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‘ Shit The Squad Says ‘ Sentence Starters

Down below are 40+ sentences, taken out of context from skype chats between myself and friends. Pronouns can be changed as necessary. Some are more nsfw than others.

“___, THAT IS A SAFETY HAZARD!”

“I am not always talking about penis!”

“I can’t be outed like this.”

“I don’t even want sex with humans, let alone a ___.”

“Babe, please don’t eat spoonfuls of mayo.”

“___, you dramatic hoe.”

“Get out, both of you!”

“That would be great. A hoard of Shreks.”

“Who the fuck looks at a raccoon and thinks, ‘ima put my dick in it’?”

“Child, I will glove slap you.”

“I slept on the floor. Not for any reason, I just slept on the floor.”

“Nobody cares about the Eurovision people once Eurovision is done.”

“I’m gonna kill them.”

“Space Jam has to play first.”

“This is my new ringtone.”

“I’ll fight your mom.”

“Completely off topic, but ——”

“I show love and I’m asked whether I’m dying.”

“Scared with jazz hands.”

“I accidentally punched my brother in the dick one time, and he hated me for weeks.”

“Thank.”

“My brother almost drowned me in a swimming pool once.”

“I can’t believe i just googled ‘lucifer lucifer’.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that, even if it’s not true.”

“— MY EXHAUSTED ASS!”

“Incest is cool to them, but lord forbid Dany get with Jorah.”

“We can commit arson together.”

“Why did I have to read that with my own eyes just now?”

“There’s a dude at the bus stop getting drunk.”

“They don’t read rules, I guess.”

“He’s just an astral projection these days.”

“I hope the ascot chokes him.”

“What’s the name of those two dudes who had the weird ass hair who became hot?”

“I meant that you are an asshole.”

“Fair.”

‘”Touched my inner child’ is a loaded sentence, buddy.”

“And that was the day they fucked in the streets.”

“Death by the rainbow.”

“I come back from hell to this?”

“Do you want some white condiment?”

“Go back to your damn tuna casserole!”

“What the fuck is his hair?”

“ I hate everything.”

“You’re always talking about penis.”

“___, you need to take care of our funerals.”

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carriageofaerietails:

Mireya beamed proudly when Wilford told her without protest that she was right. Sure, sometimes he lied to suck up and placate her, but more often than that he’d just go weird and noisy so she was always happy when he behaved. The looking around made her suspicious though, and her expression dropped before distorting with apprehension and disgust.

“… Will. Did you make the sandwich with the bloody knife?”

Wilford glanced up over the rim of his glasses to her, still gripping the sandwich. The tone in her voice suggested he was going to be in TROUBLE if he had, and he did not want to deal with the repercussions of that. “No..” he lied, standing straight again and putting the sandwich back down. “I made it with the dirty-but-not-bloody knife!”

An  O B V I O U S  lie, but it wasn’t as if much harm would come from Mireya if she noticed. Nothing but a thorough lashing out --- though admittedly he wasn’t sure how much he wanted to eat the food, now. “It’s fine!”

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❝ I mean, you’re all violent here, but you’re very friendly. ❞

skype chat starters | @ivyonmiac

“I’m less violent to the ones I love,” He boasted, scratching his mustache momentarily. Less violent, of  C O U R S E  meant less likely to be stabbed. At least, by him.

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;; i am considering changing wilford’s url. i have a good one saved rn, but i’m still debating.

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BELOW THE CUT are fifty 100x100 icons of Bim Trimmer for my friend @imbimtrimmer. These were made exclusively for her, so PLEASE do not take them, as they are not for public use. If you do, I will find you and cry loudly until you apologise and repent for your naughty, naughty ways.

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                                     ❝  So I guess that makes us one man short.  ❞

❝  Little Kaylee’s always one man short.  ❞

                                     [ Kaylee punches Jayne good-naturedly in the arm. ]

jayne cobb & kaylee frye from FIREFLY written by dottie and adam.

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;; cont. from here | @carriageofaerietails

Wilford frowned at what she had said, changing his direction of view towards the plate. He supposed she was right, he didn’t need to make himself  I L L --- it would be terrible of him, considering his responsibilities.

But the knife couldn’t do him too badly, could it?

“You’re definitely right, Mireya,” he nodded, lifting the sandwich and leaning upon the counter. He tilted his head down, but rolled his eyes to see her still and pointed. He glanced to the food then, looking over it and wondering once again, if maybe it was a BAD IDEA. “Hm.”

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;; cont. from here | @talktodarkiplier

“------ WHO exactly is it, that’s not breathing?” The pink-haired man stared curiously, an eyebrow twitching towards Dark. He didn’t have the slightest clue what or whom he was speaking of. “Can you elaborate, just a little?”

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brother i got you a gift. its shrocks. (shrek crocs)

GET OUT