phongtosynthesis - Tumblr blog

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— Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

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SPIRITED AWAY (2001) | dir. Hayao Miyazaki

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iPod Shuffle 4th Gen: Orange // Green // Blue

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I feel a bit sad. One of the people asked me to go hiking. I don't know why my stomach drops every time someone asks me to go hiking. I really want to as well. It's just fucking sucks. I hate everything and it just hurts everywhere. I want my body to be normal once again and do shit that I love.

It's just discouraging. I don't know if I am progressing or regressing. I don't feel any differences.

Everyone keeps saying how resilient I am. I don't want to be resilient. I am trying so hard not to break down or cry.

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its just so fucking unfair that disabled people need extra support but in order to actually get that extra support we have to have both the energy and ability to express ourselves to deal with the bureaucracy of getting that support and i just. i am so tired.

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I felt so sad and missed hiking so much. I need to remind myself that this is not my time right now. I missed being able to hike miles and miles.

I need to focus on my rehab routines and PT.

I am afraid, what if I would not progress?

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If you experienced trauma in childhood or had a rough childhood, dude listen to me. Offer yourself play. You were deprived of it.

Keep bubbles in the house, blow bubbles in the yard, blow them in your room, get a coloring book that doesn’t have to be an adult one with mandalas, watch cartoons, laugh at stupid things, dress up as a superhero for Halloween, wear a Santa hat on Christmas and big light up snowflake earrings, lay down on the floor, lay down in the grass, eat eggos for dinner sometimes. It’s not stupid. You’re not childish. You’re giving your inner child what they had taken from them. They deserve it.

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So I got Covid 🥲… idk I feel delirious staying in. I only have sore throat so far. I cancelled my camping trip :(

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I put myself first now.

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@hart_floral

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Everyone says I am resilient, but I cry easily af all the time. LOL o_o

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lol I want more tattoos but all the artists I want to get tattoos from are hella booked.

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every time someone tells me they love me, however casual it may be, it feels like the world comes to a halt for a second . someone Loves me . me ! how wonderful

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You didn’t deserve to go through the traumatic things you went through. And it wasn’t your fault. 

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Miles Morales & Gwen Stacy in Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (Part One) (2022)