phoenixbleu

[phoenixbleu]

Tonight I dreamt things full of violence. I think it was just a recap of the past.

First dream: I dream you with your true face in a bathroom which is destroyed and one of the corners of the bathroom is closed with a cage, there is something in the cage. you are turned to that thing that is in the cage, and it's like you are talking to it, or it's talking to you, I don't know, I am seing the scene like I'm infront of you, and you are talking to me, but you are not talking to me, because you still don't see me, I'm in a some kind of memory. You were holding a woman, blond one, not her true colour, the hair was painted blond, you were holding her hand and threatening you will cut one of her fingers. You were hearing and listening to a thing that was already locked in a cage and basically couldn't harm anyone, and that thing was acting through you, because you were too broken and too angry and you couldn't resist not listening to it. Your face was completely deranged. The woman was sobbing. You took her finger, the small one or the one for companionship and you cut it. You cut it... She started to scream from agony, I heard every note of agonizing scream, it was awful, I felt what she was feeling, she started to run on the floor, couldn't find a place from pain. There were other rooms, full of people you both know. It was like the floor of a mini hospital, everything was in chaos and disgusting. And I was afraid, I wanted to escape, am I next, you would get me and cut my finger too. I woke up.

Second dream

I am opening a door to a kitchen, I don't enter, I am just showing my face to see what is happening. There is a man sitting like a boss, and a woman standing half naked. His face is arrogant, full of distrust and violence. He is about to fuck her bains out and torture her.

Why am I not scared, why I don't go away. Oh my God. I love him. I say to him: pst, come over here. He came, he was abnormally tall, like demons are. I bent him down so he could hear me and told him: I know your sins, I know what you did, Jesus loves you, don't do that.

It's like it was a buzzing of a fly to him, he heard nothing and was about to go. I took his hand gently at the armrest and told him again: I know your sins, I know everything you did, I love you, Jesus loves you, don't do that.

He was about to go again. I said for the third time this time it was really serious: I know everything you did, I felt everything you did, but I love you, Jesus loves you, don't do that, I know everything, I know what you did, but I love you, Jesus loves you.. and kept repeating and not letting him go.

He completely changed, he softened like a kitten, a beautiful moment of surrender and I was gently caressing him, I couldn't let him go, I couldn't let go of him. And he didn't want me to let him go. We wanted to stay like this forever and caressing. But I had to go and I said: I have to go, I love you, don't do bad things

Why I had to go, oh right, I was bound to someone else. I was in a white nightgown and was about to put my shoes on and go and he was so grateful, he wanted to express his gratitude and leave me something. He was dealing with a lot of makeup, so he took a transparent lipstick, no colour and he put it on my lips. Transparency and lips, he was telling me he knows I'm saying the truth, that I'm true and trustworthy.

[phoenixbleu]

Yours

Just wait to see him when he get out

Wtf, Satan?

Wait and see, he will go back to his old life

Get out

I won't leave him, I will enter in everything to tempt him

Parties, people, events, I will use everything

I am more attractive

Get out

You are so naive and stupid

Get out

To think you'll succeed, he is mine

Why don't you respond

Why don't you fight back

Hello

Why are you so silent

What are you doing

No, no

Jesus!

Get out!

But you know he's mine, I won't give him to You

Get out now!

Thank you, Jesus! But it's true, he's still not entirely yours..

Oh, he talks with me, don't worry, Satan is just messing around

Oh, okay.. and...

😀I can't give you details, it's between us, just don't give up on him

I don't know, it's too hard

I know, for you maybe, but not for Me

Just keep going firmly with love

With love

He's such a sweetie

Don't, don't start

But come on, Jeez, why sent him to me

Why I find him so sweet

Don't think about it

Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie

But why, give me some explanation

Because he will be your man

What?!

I'm kidding, (I'm not kidding), I'm kidding

Well, why then I feel like that about him

Because that's how love works, you love the whole person

Aha, you scared the shit out of me

Why, why would you be scared, is it so bad

You know why, I can't go through the same shits

Heartbreak, familly

And what will happen with the father of my kid

He'll be fine, he will end up with V.

Wtf?!

Oh come on, you've always sensed it, who do you think stopped him from marrying you, I stopped him, because he is for another woman and you are for another man

But why, why you gave us a son, and you hate separation

He was supposed to be with V., but she was still in another relationship, you know the story, and they were not yet ready for each other

And the child had to be born and to whom he looks like

To his father

And to whom else, why do you think I made him look like so much to him, to remind you of him when you see him

Now the father of the kid is ready for V., she needs him, she needs exactly that man, only he can help her

And your boy needs you, he recognized you immediately, and you recognized him

Oh my god, again heartbreak... Oh my god, and my son

It won't happen for one day, don't worry, it won't happen so fast, one thing will lead to another

You already ignore the father, you are already somewhere else

Because you love him, you love him, you want to do everything with him

And everything you want, he wants it too

I have work for you both to do for Me

And furthermore you've always wanted to have twins, right

Who do you think gave you the desire

You will call them Joanna and John

Whaaat

No

No

I don't wanna hear anymore

Give him another woman

I'm out of here

Okay, I'll think about somebody else

Wtf

What, is there a problem for you

No, not at all

Okay, because I can find somebody else

Please try

You, please, pray

You can't bluff Me

I still love the father of my kid and I don't want us to go through a heartbreak

There will be a heartbreak and this heartbreak is necessary so you will be completely equal in intensity of experience to your man, of course you love the father of the kid and you will always love him, love does not go away, but you love this man more and there is a reason for it

Lord, it sounds like a very sick plan

My plan is Love

Lord, the way Your love works is a complete mystery to me...

It's actually very simple, V. needs love, your man needs love, you and the father of your kid are prepared to give them what I want to give them

It's just that the conception of time for you is completely different

You really don't know my ways

It's all in once in Me

From all the millions of people on the planet, Lord, you could have chosen anyone else, so, no, I don't sign up for it 😀

I'm very good here loving from distance

Will talk again in a couple of years

Years, I'll love this boi for years?

What do you mean, I love him from eternity, what are some silly years

Lord, you have a sense of humour, but this is already out of my range. Can we talk about something else?

Applying change the topic on Me 😄 there is nothing to add anyway. I want you to focus on Me, spend more time with Me and just feel Me, doing your daily tasks and stop worrying about the future

Do you feel it now, do you feel love and peace

Yeah...

Are you sacred

I'm scared of nothing

Do you think about the future

No

[phoenixbleu]

This picture is from 25/02/2020

I had this octopus in my mind for years, it was just then that I felt inspired to finally draw him. I didn't know yet I was pregnant, I was freshly pregnant then.

[phoenixbleu]

If u see that smile, I'm up to something

[phoenixbleu]

What to share today...

This video is very old from 2016. It's absolutely amateur and I can't redact anything on it anymore, because i don't keep the file which could be redacted, i don't use computer since the child is born.

It's enough he sees me working in two monitors, I'm a customer support representative with french and English since years. French I learned at school, after that french studies. With the years, I figured out that this is not my favorite language, it's too gooey for me, don't tell this to Axisa 🤭

And being customer support seems to be the only thing I can do, but not the thing I want to do the whole time, I want to do art.. when kiddo was still little, I worked 4 hours shift, I had the time, but not enough money to cover all our needs, we started making recovery of the appartement. Now I'm working 8 h shifts, I have the money, but not the time.

At least if it could be a customer support of something I truly burn in. There was an invite to submit cvs for the hallow up, based in Chicago, it's about prayers, but there was no position for customer support. That would have been a product I would love to work for. I am used to working with money transfers, cancel, refund, cancel refund, explaining thousand times why the price is this or this. Everyone says empathy is my strongest skill. No matter how I wanted to escape from money, now I work with them. It's not bad, it's not bad to talk about money, I had to change perspective. This is just a tool.

Now I am sitting all the time and everything hurts, there should be time for sports, for family, for friends, and for me, for art.. how, how, I still haven't figured out how to do it all.

When I made videos for fun, those were moments when I truly burned, I was forgetting to eat, drink water and sleep, for a simple stupid video. It's just that I can't without music and putting the pieces for a song I like, I truly live then...

Now I don't use the computer, because it would be too much for me already having in mind the type of job I'm working. It's monitor is also broken, I need to purchase an entirely new computer, because this one cannot be recovered.

The service sector has always been my place. I made the paid test for Ikigai, and it showed me the core purpose, driving force is rehab. Not just rehabilitation in hospital, but everything related to knowing for a person, every step for recovery, everything, where to go and spend time, how to spend time, what they need, everything, maybe art therapy involved too. For exemple since the father of my kid is with me, he is really better, he listened to me and he is better. Now the next step I'm telling him it is time to start doing art, this is what will help you from now on, develop some skills and do art, you have to do it, when you try to draw or to play a simple melody on the kids ukulele, the atmosphere at home changes. And he just stays silent and smiles, because he knows it, he knows I'm right, but does not listen, does nothing, so caught up in the stupid job, and the thought of providing for a family. Dude, we don't need more money to be happy, this man's ego that a man should work 8 h and should work hard. Yeah okay but something you like to do, you are not the same person because you are not happy with what you are doing. How to save us? I know how, but you don't listen, and he won't listen until he collapses. I am already working 8 h, I am ready to keep working, you stop, start doing something you really want and love until you master it, after that, i will master it. I am ready to do this, why don't listen, or just let's both work less hours and have time to master some skill and live with a purpose. We can't go on like this. We can't!!! I can't.

People sense I genuinely care for them and I say to them the right thing to do. And I know for myself too and I know that I can't go on like this. God is calling me to do something for Him and for people, and surviving is not the thing He wants me to do. But when your partner does not understand and does not want to go in the same direction with you, it is really difficult. And I feel so alone in this. There are so many families in the church, people who follow the call of God, the man is playing music, the woman is singing, they both are playing and singing. That is what I want to do. That's what I want to do, a true partnership and companionship in the call that God gave me... I don't want to constantly be the person who is pushing a relationship ahead, I am tired and my Ikigai screams..

People are stubborn, but I'm more stubborn, because I'm not my own. I don't expect a person to change so I can be happy. To be happy is a choice. My love, our love is Jesus, God is love, we are just vessels. And I chose to be with God where I am always happy. Love is not some romance, love is really to stay and be persistent and not quit when people are difficult to navigate, love is a mission. It's not a question of partners, lovers spouses or husbands anymore, it's bigger, you are there for the human's sake. That is why in my mind separation does not exist anymore. I take every person as a mission. God loves all people, we are called to love like Him. Imagine how difficult some people are to be loved and He loves them anyway. Does God quit any person, so if we are of God, why be afraid of quitting and separation anymore. God hates separation. If we think like Him, live like Him, love like Him, a new world will open before our eyes and this world starts from our hearts

Believe in it

I don't agree with how this video was made, is a complete chaos, I was too impatient to experiment. I was into reflecting every word and sound with movement or image. Now I'm more about slow motion, it is not necessary to find and show a movement to correspond to every sound or word. You can leave the sound and the words in their space and make less movement, it will be more impactful, less is more. I am now more into a journey type of music and videos that can make you feel one single emotion, but deeply. In this hurried world we need to return to slowly processing things.

Another type of video I see fans do, that's a fav too, combining scenes from concerts where the person is singing that exact song with others scenes with the musicians and the singers or with scenes from the nature

The music in that one, I wish I can get only the instrumental.

The slow motion is not with effect, ah yeah, actually it's with the effect of my will 😆

[phoenixbleu]

Phonosexual

i was told I am phonosexual (from headphones)

When I heard that kind of an attempt for accusation

It sound like a poem to me

You've been intimate with the headphones

You are phonosexual

You don't need a man

You don't need even to be bi

You are phonosexual

That's how you took me, man

My relationship with music is before you

When dad gave me for the first time

The mini music installation

I was falling asleep on music

I was already addicted from my parents

And after that I was coping with the stress like that

School was difficult and with all those nasty boys

I had to survive

I gave up so many things for you

This is the only thing left

To feel I'm still me

Still I have created some boundaries for me

When I was younger I used to go out

With the headphones

Not the case anymore

When I'm outside no phones

It's a time to listen to life outside

I don't want to shape it through music

Music at home, music in concerts, music in the car

But outside for a simple walk

I would never ignore a person and life with headphones

I need to have a quality time with everything

Let's stretch this poem even more

Here the man said it

That's how are we born during the transition

89-90-91

In Bulgaria they don't pay for art

Yesterday I listened to a folklore singer

He said in the west a man can live his whole life

By one single song

Here in Bulgaria, you know, it's different

That is why you will see whoever is pure hearted

And does art form his heart

He works also a normal job

And the other thing is a hobby

Does less but does it with heart and soul

And asks nothing in return

If you want to change the scales

You have to live with ur mama and dada

And those who succeed, succeed and are heard after 20 years

And had a lot of support from influencial people

Who already made the path in the industry

You will see many talented people who are just

Talented

Because people are made like this

People are made creators

That's what we need to do

And we're supposed to do

It's natural

But here a father musician and singer form more than 20 years

He can't be just a musician, the man is working another job too to feed the family

My friends painters, genius, beautiful, they work also others jobs

And they don't want to be successful with their art

Because we all know the reality

They will have to lose part of themselves

If they decide to succeed in this country

Why my best friend actress sick went to Russia

To succeed

She was sick and she had to stay here

But she wanted so much her talent to be recognized

And to do something with it

And was so angry with Bulgaria

That she died in Russia

And our country is in so many debts

And it is constantly robbed

I remember when my mom participated

In concours in UK with her poems

And they stole her poems

They just privatized them and she tried to receive

Explanation, but she got only ignorance and silence

Because all that fucking world is thinking they are

Bigger and masters and we so e kind of mouses

To milk

This is what made us so strong, grounded and eternal

We don't give a shit anymore

Well some does

But they are being stupid

That is what helped us connect with God more

Thank the world

Give a thank to the fucking world

Because they helped us drown closer to God

And when some vlogger blogger fucking bitch

Decides from Canada to move to Bulgaria

Because life is cheaper here for her

And says oh how good is to live here

And profit from all our goods

I'm gonna give you such a welcoming smash in your pretty face

That you'll become a national heritage trophy

You are going to spend your Canadian money

Living like a boss

And with eyes closed

Would you do something useful

Make our hospitals better or whateva Cinderella

So

You'll see pure hearted people who want nothing in return

And you'll see pure hearted people who tried and burned and collapsed

And you'll see pure hearted people who made a compromise and are commercial

Why don't we hear anymore MD Beddah

Absolute fucking talented rapper

He became a digital marketer

Still art is part of his life 🧬

But had to think of ways to survive

In a spiritual journey to Bali

Wtf, man, what happened to you

Is that how you spend your money

(we don't have money, hu,

Bad thing is when a Bulgarian

Gets some money, we have been so poor

That when we have them we think only

Of ourselves, now we will give ourselves

The life we dreamt of

The dream every rapper in the country has is

To get the money they need to make music

They need to do so many other things to get money

For équipement, to do a simple song

How do you think they will think making our country better

And I wonder, okay, you do it to make more music

But why going on vacations, you don't have money to go on vacations

You don't have that money

I don't care, to go on vacations

You have first to had the money to do something good for others, then if and when something rests for you

You can go on a vacation

I repeat

You

Don't

Have

Money

To

Spend

For

Fucking

Vacations

Having in mind that we are robbed and in debts

And we cannot pay our debts to other countries

Are you sick

Not sick

Then stay on your ass country and do something here

You go on a vacation when you die

When you die

Then vacation

I say this to all Bulgarian citizens)

See how people are spiritually dying

From spiritual crying

For your spiritual hunger

You were a spiritual thunder

You was supposed to be an icon

Now you are a silly emoticon

You seem to believe in the almighty lord

Praised him in your songs

You had in your soul a Christ beaconing

Now what's that asia awakening

Your actions show you don't know him at all

Who and what are you looking for

However, peace and respect

What's ours we'll always protect

You are a bit off track

But we will put you back

Аааааа това гърми яко! Дай мууууу по-силно!

Не спирай да правиш музика, човекооо

Difficulties may polish a diamond

Or may make a person to give up flying

Whatever it is

It is colorful

And flexible

And diverse

I just want the heart to stay pure

Never be angry with the system

Never be angry with anything in this earth

It does not worth it

When you are worth so much more

Turn the tape backwards

So what did you say about phonosexual

I'm phonolectural

I lecture your phones, lecture your tones

Lecture your toes

That's how it goes

What goes around comes around

Ah, Justie, hi, this is the only thing you said

That have ever made some sense

And also when you said yes to your wife at the altar

Nothing makes sense but to love one another

[phoenixbleu]

Reading

Before even reading the book I already have an insight. If everything was okay with the soul, everything, every thought, as Jesus was the light and healed, nothing could harm the body, the body would have had the strength and the intelligence to neutralize everything! But when the body is attacked by something, the body is already busy with so many other emotions and issues, that it can't react to the new "true" disease. So, yeah, we need to work with the soul always, not just the body. We need to cure the soul.

The book is speaking about the connection between body and soul, that actually there is no separation between the body and the soul they are one. In the bible the same thing is said. God made man, he made the body, made them one, this means one soul, then separated into two souls, two bodies, a man and a woman, so this is actually your soul, you whole you are a soul. What makes you live is the spirit of the living God. This is spirit. Soul and spirit are different. If you don't have the spirit of god, you will have another, from Satan etc, that is why you feel the battle of the spirits that are trying to possess your soul and when a bad spirit possesses it, it causes you to die. But with the spirit of God you live. That is why it is written that if you die in Christ, so with the god spirit, you will live, you are not just a soul/body, dead soul. And whoever is not in Christ will die, because it is just the soul cannot continue this living without the spirit of god, without life. That is why people who do not know Christ say for themselves, it is natural to hear them say I feel like I'm dead... And when you have Christ even if your soul suffers, you feel you are alive.

[phoenixbleu]

Zapper

Update day 6

Some deep cleaning is going on, the rales are gone... 🥹 They were from an accumulated cry for my dead friend. There is deep emotional cleaning too. I cried before, but we need to periodically cry, because emotions accumulate and stay in the body.

Will I be still on that planet after 24 days 🤣

This night was really beautiful, I slept really well and calm, I communicated with you and the communication turned into a new cool beat, I don't remember the sound but I'm sure I'll listen to it soon 😁 the whole night continued with dreams where we communicated without words, just presence, I was just feeling you love me and I love you

There is absolutely nothing to worry about. Everything will go smoothly, every cell will go to its right place, your body will welcome what is to come gracefully. Everything will be touched by a divine hand. Everything will happen in complete trust and calm. You will get out sooner than expected. I love you 💗

[phoenixbleu]

👼

[phoenixbleu]

Russian cold

A poem for all who would love to love and long for a companionship, but would like to experience love differently

I feel some Russian cold wind calling me in

I won't go back

And I won't go forward

To you

I know you have a lot of love to give

I know you have a lot of desire for love

I know you keep a lot of warmth for me

But I think you don't understand

I've changed a lot

I won't be bound anymore

It is not that like if I fall in your arms

I could not stay there forever

I would love to rest like that

I would love to love again

But not like that

Not like that

There is only one person

I would make love with

But that means to bound him to me

And I don't want that

I can't cause him that

I want us to be free

I really

Want us

To

Be

Free

I love differently

I love without a body

I've burned enough in that body

You've missed nothing

And there is nothing to miss

You've been trained your whole life

To love like this

Love like this

Like this

If you can feel me when I'm gone

Where to go home

I am already home

[phoenixbleu]

Update Day 5

Zapper

I am worse. I've never been so worse. All kinds of bacteria released their toxins. I was not consistent with the machine, but after the 5th day, I wonder if I should continue or stop. Just tell me it gets better, tell me it will get better. The cycle of treatment is 30 days. I don't know if I could do it. I had a nightmare with bacteria, worms. I saw that we tried to put all in something that looked like a blend, like a red magnetic blender, actually part of it was already skunked in this blender, nothing can escape from it, if you put it there, you are safe. But part of it fell out of the blender (maybe that's how this cycle works, you need to do it till the end so everything will go in this blender). One really big white bacteria, so big that I saw its legs, escaped in the house and I screamed in fear and desperation. I managed to put it in the trash, but the trash was a paper bag and I was afraid it will succeed to devour the paper and escape or it would make a colony there and will overflood everything again and I was screaming Get out the trash, get out the trash! It was disgusting. My fucking guts and my fucking face. What am I doing to myself. I have to test that thing, I need to know if it works. I need to know what the process is like. If it does not help, at least it won't kill me. I will just suffer the consequences and wait to recover. I am desperate, I believe in everything I take and do. It's like a checking list, you check what does NOT work. And there are a lot of other things waiting, and I will combine. There is no going back. Some day, from 19 years I wait this day. There is no such perfect day, never has been, this day does not exist. What exists is me and how I feel. And I feel happy. Happy.

The thing is I feel something different, some deep pain in my lungs when I breath and I started feeling rales some time when I breath, the rales are a new thing. It is surely something that can be easily cleaned if looked at on time, I won't leave myself like that. This machine cleans maybe something there. But I sometimes feel bad that I have that because my grandmother died from the lungs and I suffered a lot when she died, she died alone suffocated, she didn't know she was suffering so much and she was dying. She refused to go to a doctor many times. My issues with bronches started then. My best friend died from lungs too, her mother died from lungs and she suffered her loss, she could not help her and she copied the disease, no matter how she wanted to live and loved life, she logged for the people she lost. And I think I'm doing the same and I don't want to. Whatever it is I will catch on time and cure it. I don't want to suffer like this, part of me wants to feel the pain my loved ones felt, but why do this, I won't save them, I've already saved them by praying for them to be saved for eternal life, and they are saved, because it does not end with this world. I feel like everytime I feel that pain in my lungs, I remember my friend, I can't forget her I don't need to remember her like that. I know she felt guilty she is leaving people behind, that will suffer for her, but she didn't have a choice, she found out at the last stage. And I think she never got peace she was leaving like that and will make people miserable.

And I need to understand myself very well and stop with this, I still need to grieve. I heard one video where they said that grief is love. But why grief more when I know I will meet them again and when I know the bible, why, why my body does this, why. No need. There is no need, you hear me. You are NOT SICK, you just want to feel what they have felt, but there is no need. You felt enough things already. Just be happy, that's the only thing left for you to do.

I think what we are the most afraid of is to vanish. Vanish like you have never been here, no matter how people will reflect you in their art and their lives, no matter what you have done to make yourself present and make yourself useful, that fear of vanishing like a vapor, it's like whats the point to have lived if you have to vanish one day.

I said it, I will say it again, we won't vanish. We will live forever. You are just so sick from the cycle of life and death that you can't believe it yet

So used to the pain, that you can't believe it's possible to relax and be happy right now, you always have in your head this thought, when it will finish this period, when the things will change upside down again. It can't go on this good forever

But do you know what I feel forever in the background of everything, every period, every up and down that makes me feel that life is consistent, there is something consistent

Love

I feel it

Everywhere

I will always feel that

I chose to feel only that

I chose to see only that

And it doesn't matter what happens

Since love exists

Here is she, my Lori oh my god when I listen to her and see her, it's like we have not seen each other just since yesterday...

Why did you go away so soon I miss you so much

She was my godmother, she was like my sister

And she never succeeded to meet my son and hold him

I just wish I could have one last time to tell her how much I love her, I didn't have this time, it's like she went to her next trip and never came back and since then I can't breath properly and we are waiting the longest trip to end and meet again

I feel relief after I cried, I spent time with her and I feel at peace, it will always be like that until we meet again

[phoenixbleu]

When I said I'm after ur bitch I meant that ill heal her too

Hello

Little bit awkward: Hello, who are you

Don't worry

What's going on

Don't worry, I know you are sick and you think that you can live your life as you want, because any day can be your last day

Yeah, why not

Because your life is not yours, wait, look at me, I'm here, just look at me, you are perfect

You are just a perfect sweet girl and extremely lonely

You've built your whole worth on the external

You found that you can affect people with your appearance

And that's when can feel loved

And still you remain lonely

You don't trust that someone can love you just for you soul

No one has seen your true self

Even he, you feel a lot of compassion towards each other and wanted to help each other in loneliness, but when you are both empty, you can't fill each other, eventually you think somethings wrong with you, but what you missed was the love of Jesus

And he also thinks somethings wrong with him, but he didn't see himself either

Look, you are perfect even doing nothing

No need to be attractive no need to provoke, no need to do or be whatever

To be truly seen loved and liked

I know you would never hurt someone, because you are already too hurt and I beg you to stop hurting yourself

How I hurt myself

By dinyal

You denied the sovereign power of the lord and you are all caught up in yourself

Who think gave you paints to comfort you

I want you to trust what the lord has to say to you

And what he wants from you

Stop with all this identity built on sickness, slaughter and death

I invite you for more

Lord has more for you

I know you don't believe, you will resist a lot

But dear child please I want to tell you also that you need to protect men

You have to be responsible how you affect them

Because they struggle a lot

I know you don't care about that right now

Because you still don't see yourself truly

But when you see yourself and trust me

You will understand

Dear girl, come here and cry all your fears that you might die that you'll be alone

You will live, you can have life eternal

You have a greater purpose uve been made for someone greater

But you have to trust me and deny yourself

You are absolutely fine

Everything will be okay

I want to show you the lord

Hear it, feel it, here (I touch her heart)

Do you feel it now do you believe it

[phoenixbleu]

A walk at the beach in 2018

[phoenixbleu]

😱 what I just dug out from years ago, so many language errors

[phoenixbleu]

Hu? 😲😳

[phoenixbleu]

Sin. No. More

[phoenixbleu]

And most of the ideas are coming while bathing, I am already without breath because I repeated it not to forget it, actually those are not ideas, it's just how I sound 24/7

Simply sitting on the chair be like, making sounds regulate me, regulate emotions, body is making it intuitively

Chilling with my kid

🙈😆

Searching for a new melody

Interested how it would sound to make only the second part

There was one time with a company at the zoo and we are at the owls and I am making the sound of the owl and it responded. Another tried to speak with the owl, no response. Do it again, they said. I did it and it responded again 😂