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philosopherofrandomness · 5 years

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The Bench Scene - An Analysis.

The scene begins with Cyrus deliberately finding T.J. near the bench, which can be a reminder to how they always seem to deliberately find one another throughout the series—the swings, the shiva, the park, the bleachers, and the golf cart scene, to name a few. They sit down on the bench together after Cyrus asks for permission—even if he already knew T.J. would let him sit.

Cyrus jumps right into things when he asks what happened to Kira. I can’t even imagine how he must’ve felt when T.J. said the witch line—the boy he’s liked for months finally realized how evil the girl taking up all his time is. I mean, not only was he taking time away from him being able to hang out with his best friend, but his crush on top of that. I would’ve been jumping for joy internally if I were in his place.

You know people used to say that about you? Say how you weren’t a nice person? It really makes you think when you realize Cyrus was the only person who gave him a chance in the beginning and looked past his whole intimidating facade. He got the chance to know him for who he was and see his flaws yet still cherish them, even if his best friend disapproved.

Thanks to Cyrus for giving him a chance, for giving him a safe place, for making him feel okay, the nice person on the inside finally got out. He realized that he was a human with flaws and that was okay. Like Cyrus said, there was nothing wrong with him. All it took was someone he could connect to—someone who could help him see that he’s not any different from anyone else. The best part? T.J. showed Cyrus the same thing in return, which completely unleashed his heart of gold that T.J. didn’t know he had.

I think my favourite part in this little section is the small pause before Cyrus said he knows that now. It really goes to show that he’s actually thinking about the right words to say in that moment. Not to mention how T.J. was the one to show him that there can be a nice person on the inside even if they don’t show it at first. Then, he segues into the fact that there’s still some things he doesn’t know about T.J..

T.J. was completely ready to answer whatever question Cyrus would’ve asked next—until he caught him off guard with the question about his full name. That was the one thing he would’ve never shared, never even considered for a minute. He was completely fine never telling anyone his name since he was so embarrassed by it… until Cyrus said he would literally die of curiosity, and T.J.’s walls completely crumbled. Okay, maybe one person that wasn’t a Kippen could know. Up to that point, Cyrus had done nothing but show him he was more than a bully. He was more than the team captain of the basketball team. He was more than his learning disability. He was more than his dirt biking friends. He was more than the feud between him and Jonah. He was more than any assumption made about him. So out of everyone in his life, Cyrus was probably the most deserving to know his name, and T.J. knew that.

But T.J. had to know he could actually trust Cyrus with something as personal as his full name. Nobody could know. And of course, Cyrus let him know he wouldn’t. Things would stay between them. Like the conversation on the swings—both times. Like the dyscalculia talk. Like those little private conversations where they’ve both been hinting at their feelings but never discussed. Cyrus would never tell a soul—he knew that T.J. trusted him with this, and he would never do anything to break his trust. Never.

You can tell from the moment T.J. said his name, he was already embarrassed. Even if he trusted Cyrus, he still didn’t know how Cyrus would react to something T.J. was so insecure about. Then Cyrus asked if he was serious, and you could literally see how bad he feels about it—but Cyrus would’ve never put him down. He never has. All he’s done throughout their entire friendship was make sure T.J. knew he was important. Cyrus has been defending T.J. since day one, since Buffy first went to yell at him and Cyrus told her not to. Of course he would’ve never put him down for his name. He knew T.J. trusted him, and the fact that T.J. chose to share something so personal? He loved that name. He knew it was so authentically T.J. and he let him know with his soft voice and reassuring smile, like T.J. needed in that moment.

The moment Cyrus gave T.J. that final push of reassurance? That’s the moment T.J. knew. He knew he could trust him with absolutely anything. With the fact that he connected to Cyrus as soon as Buffy asked him to help Cyrus get a muffin, finally finding someone else who was doubted for their abilities. With the way he intended on staying around the moment he set his bag down on those rocks when he saw Cyrus on the swings. How the reason he immediately said he’d be at Cyrus’ bar mitzvah party was because he felt something around him he had never felt with anyone else—a comforting feeling that he could be himself. With the fact that without Cyrus being around to talk to him, he wouldn’t have accepted his dyscalculia for a long time. Knowing that because Cyrus helped him with something he struggled with, his learning disability, he helped Cyrus with something he struggled with, his physical abilities. Accepting the fact that he had a crush on Cyrus when he looked back at him and longed for him. Making that muffin bet that circled back to the thing they connected over when they first met. Asking Cyrus to hang out with him and his friends, who T.J. had talked about Cyrus to, because he genuinely enjoyed being around him. Encouraging Cyrus to ride the dirt bike because he KNEW he could do it—he had faith in him like he always had. Telling the police about the gun to keep himself and Cyrus safe. Cutting ties with his friends and choosing Cyrus like he always has. Going to the swings everyday to try and see Cyrus and talk to him because he missed him and their safe place. Finally telling him he was the only person he could talk to like this. Ending his feud with Jonah with the help of Cyrus because he had changed—the nice person on the inside had came out. Going to the shiva because of course he would, Cyrus had done so much for him, of course he would go to comfort and support him. Coming up with the somersault costume because it was their thing, and Cyrus was the only person he could ever imagine doing a costume with. Apologizing and feeling like complete crud the moment he saw Cyrus the next morning because he was the only person he could ever imagine doing a costume with. Finding him in the park and asking Cyrus to hang out with him because he missed being around him. Avoiding going on the swings with Kira at first because that was reserved for him and Cyrus. Asking Cyrus to go with him to receive his sentence from the student court. How he loved it when Cyrus hugged him. Stealing the golf cart just to flirt with him because as long as he was with Cyrus, anything was fun. Waving at Cyrus with that big smile because he’s extremely smitten for him. Defending him to Kira because he had already chosen Cyrus, Kira was just making him realize it. Singing with him on that stage. And now, telling him his name. Yeah. He could DEFINITELY trust him with everything. After everything they had gone through, Cyrus never judged him. He was still there and making sure T.J. knew there was nothing wrong with him, like he always had.

So, he did. He finally let down his walls fully and let himself be vulnerable with Cyrus, asking him if there was anything else he wanted to know. He reached for his hand in the most subtle way possible, just in case Cyrus rejected him. Just in case he didn’t feel the same way T.J. had. But he did, and he always has. They’ve always been on the same page with their feelings, especially in that moment. T.J. knew this was it—Cyrus would never judge him for having feelings. He would never judge him for anything. He never had.

Then, Cyrus looked down at their hands and everything clicked. Everything finally made sense. T.J. felt the same way the ENTIRE time. When T.J. got him that muffin and made Cyrus feel seen for once. When T.J. didn’t make fun of him for the swing songs and helped him swing higher—helped him conquer his “stuff”. When T.J. opened up to him about his dyscalculia and stopped pushing him away. When T.J. took him to his job to help him do the somersault, helping him conquer his struggles once again. When he helped T.J. try to convince Buffy to stay on the basketball team and T.J. finally apologized to her. When he looked back at him and made Cyrus realize how much he liked T.J.. When they made the muffin bet and Cyrus tried his best to make the muffins for T.J.. When he found out T.J. talked about him to his friends, making Cyrus feel special. When he got on the dirt bike with the help of T.J. and conquered yet another thing thanks to him. When T.J. stopped sitting with his friends after the gun incident because he had chose Cyrus. When T.J. found him on the swings, because he knew where to find him. When he called him the only person he can talk to like this with the soft smile he had reserved for him. When T.J. told him he reported the gun, proving to Cyrus once again that he had changed for the better and he’ll continue to. When he ended the feud with Jonah and opened up to him with the reassurance of Cyrus. When he came to the shiva with challah because of course he would have came. When they walked so close to one another in the park that they might as well have been holding hands. When he told him he wanted to do a costume with him and Cyrus dropped the Mount Rushmore costume right away. When T.J. apologized and looked absolutely miserable standing next to Kira in that double dribble costume. When he went and found Cyrus in the park and asked if he was avoiding him because it felt like it—it was like he missed Cyrus as much as Cyrus missed him. When he didn’t argue with Cyrus being his lawyer and showed Cyrus he wasn’t ashamed of him. Asking Cyrus to come with him to receive the court’s verdict. When he asked Cyrus to visit him in detention, and Cyrus did so because he loves being around him. When he stole the golf cart for them and Cyrus decided he could get in trouble as long as he was with T.J.. And now, when he told him his name that only 5 people knew, and he was reaching for his hand. It all slotted into place. Every single piece of their story.

Yeah. T.J. wanted to tell him everything. He trusted him completely, and in that moment, Cyrus realized that. Then, T.J. decided to put everything on the line, moving his hand ever so slightly to brush his fingers against Cyrus’. When you look closely, you can see the fact that Cyrus curls his fingers so they’re closer to T.J.’s. Cyrus knew very well what was happening, and it’s so obvious they both wanted the same thing. They just needed to make that final leap.

Cyrus’ hesitation during this was beautiful. He’d been pining over T.J. for almost a year and now they were there, on the bench, with both of their feelings on the line. Both of them liked each other and they finally realized it. They didn’t need words. They never had—everything they had to say to each other had always been said through their actions and indirect words. They didn’t need to come out and say they liked each other like any of the other couples on the show. In Cyrus’ hesitation, that settles in. Then he confirms it. Yes. He liked him back. He wanted to tell him everything too.

This is the part in the scene that always got to me. T.J.’s little smile where it looks like he’s holding back tears that morphs into a grin, because Cyrus liked him back. Because they’ve been on the same page with one another the entire time. Because he didn’t have to be scared anymore. Because he already made his choice, and Cyrus chose him too. Every single time.

He reaches for his hand, wanting to waste no more time. They interlock their fingers and hold one another’s hand tight like they’ve wanted to for a long time. No more drama. No more questioning everything. No more confusion, no more walking too close and longing, no more looking back and wishing. Everything was crystal clear now.

Both of their faces basically scream finally. After everything they’ve gone through—finally. T.J.’s breath of relief because he doesn’t have to hide his feelings anymore, and Cyrus’ breath of relief because he can see that he is loved by someone he loves back. About as much love as middle schoolers can feel for one another, anyway. After everything they’ve been through, finally.

The scene ends like it’s something that makes the viewer feel like they’re intruding. Even though their storyline has been brought to life by TV and filming, it feels like a private moment. Just like it did when the camera peered out from behind the tree during the swing scene. Just the two of them, sitting on a bench, giggling to themselves because after everything, their feelings for each other are out in the open and it brings them nothing but pure joy. Only one word comes to mind as the camera fades to black.

Finally.

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