phillyphillyphilly

[phillyphillyphilly]

For the last decade or so, I’ve been routinely attending a ride-on lawnmower race. I’ve always wanted to participate, but the high cost of used mowers is better spent on more practical vehicles, like literally anything else. Sometimes, though, the universe sends you a message. And in my case, that message came in the form of an awkward leg of a huge trade-in scam.

Picture, if you will, the humble redneck. They await the approach of big, fast domestic mowers. John Deeres, Cub Cadets, even weird modified Chinese stuff they looted from Aliexpress. There is jubilance, but that soon comes to an awkward hush. An unfamiliar engine note approaches.

My International 1480 combine harvester, all ten tons of it, is barrelling down the highway at a clip somewhere between “tepid” and “jaunty.” Even though I have shown up for a race, I am sandbagging a little bit, making sure that the bets get settled against my vehicle before I show them the might of a fully operational monster such as mine.

Technically, there is no violation. I had looked at the rulebook from every angle in the previous year: it has the correct number of wheels, the proper agricultural intent, and with precise work on the tiller, it can even (poorly) mow a suburban lawn. Is it modified? Oh yes, yes indeed, but I see the nitrous bottles poking out from the rows of Kubotas at the starting line.

And when I leave the starting line, it is a thing of beauty. At least for a few milliseconds. It seems that the wizards at International Harvester simply did not comprehend of a situation in which the frame of their combine would be launched into the air by means of one thousand eight hundred foot-pounds of supercharger-bolstered torque. I had erroneously believed that the loose soil of the rural community would let the wheels dip in, but now I am facing directly into the sky, having twelve o’ clocked hard on my wheelie, shooting flames from my exhaust and whirling vertical blades of death towards the grandstand.

It’s not about whether you win or lose. Sometimes it’s about how many pages you add to the rulebook.

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cannot get this video the nebraska humane society made/posted out of my head

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why is it always red bellied woodpeckers doing this

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Nosy ass plant

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alla mingalёva

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scared to ask the librarian about this poster...

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Rob: Dean tells Castiel "This doesn't change anything". They're still in a lover's spat.

Rich: Dude! And by the way, you keep saying that. You're not wrong! Like, for YEARS I have not understood this destiel thing

Rob: Same!

Rich: For years I'm like "okay, whatever, I don't-, I mean I don't care, but I don't get it

Rob: Yes!

Rich: Well, SEASON SIX is really the- the little peephole into that relationship in that... they are SO A COUPLE?!

Rob: It's-

Rich: The episode before this and this one, you're like !

Rob: They're such a couple

Rich: And [...] dial it down to like 12 or 11, like good lord

Rob: I know! It's- it's almost as if the writers knew and they're writing for it

Rich: They of course did! Suddenly Dean is like, gets his feelings hurt all the time and Castiel is like "can't we connect?" And you're like "what?!"

Rob: And Sam is even like "yeah you know, Dean obviously- Dean's not, you know, not doing well, cause, you know

Rich: I never realized it was this obvious

Rob: And Dean's all jealous of Crowley, he's like [grumpy/jealous dean impression] "his butt-buddy" [grumble]

Rich: This season really lays the groundwork for all of that

Rob: I know! I said it a couple podcasts ago and you made fun of me, but, I-, it's-

Rich: You did! But man they just kept going! I mean, it just leaned in and it's just- Wow!

Rob: Yeah! Point for Robbie on that one

Rich: Robbie! Well, you've- you dialed in when it comes to this kind of thing

[clip from twitter]

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@stvksn on ig

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today i found out that when monarch butterflies migrate south for the winter, all the ones that go across the middle of lake superior suddenly stop going south and go west for five miles and then continue south. which really freaked scientists out cos like What is in the Middle of Lake Superior what do Butterflies know that We Dont Is This The End Times etc. anyway turns out about a hundred million years ago there was a mountain there and the butterflies still think they gotta fly around it. classic butterflies

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official elon musk hate post reblog to hate like to hate reply to hate

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That can't be right, can it? the 2000's weren't THAT long ago??

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~ via mignonettetakespictures ~

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horses made me transgender