phil0s0phersstoner

[phil0s0phersstoner]

I’m not sorry

I can’t do this anymore. I have held this feeling, this want down for too long that it’s just ruptured.

This is not an apology letter this is a love letter.

Mum & dad.

Im so grateful for everything you’ve done for me throughout my life. I thought I asked for help just in the nick of time but it turns out it was too late. Please don’t blame yourselves, this is a reflection on me and not you. I know you will blame yourselves but there’s nothing anyone can do to change the past. The future is bright for you both please in my memory, laugh, love and eventually find peace in this.

Natasha & Stephanie

Thank you for being the best big sisters ever, I’m sorry it never worked out huh? (A little bit of comedy from the funniest sibling). Please know that I love you both and I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, being there for me when I was too scared to be alone, climbing through broken glass when Natasha punched someone in the tooth, moulin rouge, decorating those god awful glittered champagne bottles and shitting glitter afterwards. I really do hope you grow old and be varients of Patty and Selma, I love you both and I always have.

Grace.

The only person I’m genuinely sorry too. I’m sorry that you have to go to big school of the back of this. I love you so much and you’re so bloody smart you’re gonna be a such a great person when you’re older. There is no pressure on you to be anything other than the person you want to be. Thank you for being my little mate, I’ve known you since I was 13. I’m sorry that I’ve been going through this throughout ur childhood, I just couldn’t do it for the rest of your life. If you’re ever feeling down, you can always talk to me, I might not respond but I will always be around you to listen. I love you

Harrison, Luca and harper.

My nieces and nephews, you might be too young to understand what’s happened but please know that it’s my choice. I love you all so much. I wish I could cope being about for when you’re all older. By the time you’re 30 you might not remember me but again, anytime you think you need someone to talk too but you can’t. I am always there, I am always available to listen. I love you all and I pray you grow up to be happy and the people you decide to be.

Eleanor

My one true love, thank you. I’m not apologising for what has happened. I’m apologising for putting you through this. I hope when you think about me you feel happiness, I hope when you think of the times we’ve had, you feel nothing but happiness. I know our arguments were big but in the grand scheme of things we argued because of love, a deep undying love that neither of us expected but both of us needed. My love for you never faded from the day I met you to the day of this. It grew every day. I love you forever. Thank you for being there every day that I needed you.

Owen

My best friend. We might but heads on some things but you’ve been with me since I was a teen. You seen me through the start of my adulthood to the end. You’ve been there with me every step of the way and I just want to say I love you (no homo). I’m so happy we sat at the same table in year 9 English and I’m glad that we have so many memories for you to hold on too. I’m grateful of you and everything you’ve done, even if you don’t know how much you’ve done for me

Everyone else, thank you for the last 25 years. If I went through everyone that means something special to me then I wouldnt stop typing. You’re all fantastic people with such love in your hearts.

Some people live till they’re 80-90 and that’s their lives plan, it was my life plan to live till now. This is my own choice and everyone should have a choice in how they want to live and when they want to stop.

I love you all

Love, peace and empathy.

[phil0s0phersstoner]

I have missed cocaine so much

[phil0s0phersstoner]

[phil0s0phersstoner]

For the first time,

I don’t feel like I’m carrying self guilt with me and I’m finally who I am and meant to be. Fuck

[phil0s0phersstoner]

[phil0s0phersstoner]

[phil0s0phersstoner]

*accidentally starts masturbating*

[phil0s0phersstoner]

“The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.”

— Thomas Merton (via philosophyquotes)

[phil0s0phersstoner]

“I feel like I’ve swallowed a cloudy sky.”

— Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart (via books-n-quotes)

[phil0s0phersstoner]

no offense but fly me to the moon and let me play amongst the stars,let me see what spring is like on jupiter and mars

[phil0s0phersstoner]

“I always knew I was an excellent liar; I just didn’t know that I had it in me to fool myself.”

— Lauren DeStefano, Wither (via books-n-quotes)

[phil0s0phersstoner]

[phil0s0phersstoner]

“If you are working on something exciting that you really care about, you don’t have to be pushed. The vision pulls you.” - Steve Jobs

[phil0s0phersstoner]

In refers to my last post. I think I need people more than those people need me and I hate feeling like needing people because I know them people need me to leave them alone even if they don’t know it initially but it always comes to it

[phil0s0phersstoner]

I wanted to write a poem on how I felt like I used to do but I don’t even know how I feel. I feel sad but I don’t know why. I feel alone but I know I’ve got people to call. I don’t know whether it hurts in my heart or my head. I just feel low an alone and I don’t know how to express it to the people I know care because I know that it’s stupid but do people feel the same way when they try and open up? I just genuinely feel like a burden and I’m needy and annoying but I know people are there to care but are they there all the time or just at night? Ugh I hate myself

[phil0s0phersstoner]

[phil0s0phersstoner]

“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”

— Michael Jordan (via quote-diaries)