phanaticphantasies

[phanaticphantasies]

That's actually my fic: How Rare and Infinite It Truly Is That We Exist

I was looking for a fanfic. I think it was on ao3 and it was a one-shot. Phil had anxiety and he'd go out to look at the stars when he had a bad day and took Dan with him? I think they kissed at the end?

Can anyone help find this fic?

- Tori

[phanaticphantasies]

10 Days of Dan and Phil Laughs because I Miss Them | 1/10

[phanaticphantasies]

top 10 phan moments that make me wanna rip my heart out

yeah, just ten moments among hundreds, let it be part one or something. tell me what i’ve missed because i want more suffering in my life.

10) mind control.

i mean, i appreciate the subtlety. i crave those tiny moments that you only notice when someone points them out to you. but this! you can’t miss this one, this moment is shoved down our throats. this is so “i’m allowed to do that to you, to be in your personal space, and gaze into your eyes for no reason, just because i want to”. and phil’s face in that moment, so much joy and mischief, he claps his hands and gazes back.

9) chest touch.

drama queen howell strikes again, it hurts to rewatch it srsly, why is he so extra? but what is phil doing ladies and gents? he slaps his chest in the weirdest way possible, he brushes it, it’s like he wants to shove him but reassuringly and the movement happens so fast you have to pause for a second to comprehend it. that sweet gentle boy is so fond of dan’s unnecessary commentary and yeah, it completely distracts us from what dan is saying at that moment.

8) feel my heartbeat.

was that necessary, really? like, i don’t ask my friends to feel my heartbeat when i’m scared, that was such a “horror movie at first date” bullshit, that’s not what people do?? and when dan does feel that beautiful hummingbird heart, phil just covers his hand with his own palm because yes, you gotta feel it very close, no air between your hand and my chest. dan immediately looks into the camera to show us that yeah, i know you’re there, nothing strange, and makes a comment about phil dying. wow.

7) phil the delivery man.

i don’t know what to say. it’s so simple but why does phil have to make such an act of bringing dan his charger, why does he talk in that stupid voice?? they have a banter, and then phil FIXES DAN’S CHARGER FOR HIM, like what?? who asked you to do that? where’s my IT guy au (literally, he’s got glasses, look at him). and before he leaves he plays the piano that nerd, what an attention seeker, and then bows!! is he tipsy? did he have a pre-liveshow orgasm or something? dan laughs fondly and it’s all i need in the world.

6) child beer.

what’s happening and does it even matter. phil’s hiding on the floor, but why? to surprise us? eh whatever. so he’s got that magical japanese powdery stuff and he wants dan to taste it. the biggest problem for me here, ahem, i mean the thing that just kills me every time is that phil spends the whole time (eight minutes) on his knees and he looks so cute when he makes that beer, holds it close to the camera, and then lets the foam sit so dan can have the ultimate child beer experience.

it reminds me of that hot chocolate video, where he does something so trivial but he’s so gentle and loving about it. i still don’t understand why they didn’t do a simple taste test like bros, but phil had to make it for dan, he wanted to see his reaction. and then he tries it as well, touches the glass rim with his lips at the same place where dan’s mouth just was (gross).

and i just can’t ignore how that boy sneaks past dan’s room after that, he’s playful, he stops to say that he googled something and dan was wrong, and domesticity, i wanna die.

5) sleeping phil on tour.

i kinda wanna talk about the angle here because i don’t understand how it was filmed (camera is pretty static, dan’s hand reaches from the side, not behind), but i don’t know if it matters here. what matters is how gentle dan is. of course, he starts with classic nose tickling, which is what “messing with a sleeping friend” usually implies, but then he frees one strand of phil’s hair and just lets it fall. wow, fantastic prank, dan.

and let’s separately discuss that pout/kiss phil does after he opens his eyes. i know you want a slow mo replay, so here we go:

that’s what i call “im gonna stay asleep but i love you”. where’s the nearest cliff so i can fling myself into abyss?

4) the look.

context what context. why did they keep it? why did they put it on fullscreen instead of hiding in the corner? two full-length looks dan, really?? you know what he looks like, why do you have to examine him like that in front of us you slut. and it just passes, without acknowledgment, they just turn back at us simultaneously and I’M STILL DEAD at that moment, i don’t care what happens next.

3) snoot. proot. (i just filmed you doing that)

i don’t even care what it was. something about piano sounds or whatever, but this video haunts me. THERE’S SO MUCH TO IT. first, phil is lying on dan’s bed (at least in the official version it’s dan’s, not mutual), just chilling?? and dan’s working i guess. so they are not actually doing something together but it’s a cozy evening, why would they spend it in different rooms? dan says something, idk, and phil replies “yeah” in that deep voice I SWEAR i haven’t heard from him before. dan makes the sounds again, like can you believe he’s an actual dork in real life, it’s not an act, he’s actually the weirdest boy alive, and he so obviously doesn’t know he’s being filmed. because when phil says “i just filmed you doing that you’re so weird”, he’s so delighted, he laughs at himself, he turns around, his hair is pushed back omg they are both so sleepy and i rejoice. i think this video gives us a rare but fantastic insight in their everyday life, phil must be keeping so much silly videos like that on his google drive and we never get to see them BUT SOMEHOW he posts this one, probably because dan is cute and he wants everyone to know it.

2) you loved it. you wanna do it more.

so, yes. you know this one. where do i even begin?? they play this dragon quiz and then 1) phil says “you loved it” in the strangest voice, like the voice we never hear from him, it’s deeper and quieter, he looks at dan even though dan’s not looking back; 2) dan is looking down as if he’s fiddling with an ipad or something, it’s almost a bts moment, something they would usually edit out. AND THEN THREE SECONDS OF SILENCE while dan kinda processes what’s going on and phil still looks at him expectantly. seductive as fuck. and now this quiet “alright”, i’m just… dan looks like he’s gotten the hint, so he’s a little embarrassed and they share the softest laugh. 

the thing is, we know how often phil makes sexual innuendos and dan always reacts the same way: he looks into the camera, he throws a witty comment in, he puts it on display to show us that there’s no intimacy in that moment. but not this time. i don’t understand why they didn’t edit it out. i just… don’t.

1) pantless liveshow this is the ultimate. this is the weirdest and the most awesome thing these two gave me and i’m not even sure what can top that. the moment when phil decides to grab the humidifier and show us, he looks at the screen, says “one second” and stands up very awkwardly while dan turns the laptop away from him and makes the weirdest “how you doing” face. 

WHAT THE FUCK. did they think we were so used to them weirdos that we wouldn’t even notice that shit? but fuck, they do it again, they want to show us the spray and dan goes “should i go get it? you have to do phil’s corner”. like, i can’t function, i honestly can’t. AND THE WORST PART is when dan returns and we can see him covering his legs with a blanket just too fast like it’s not that cold boy come on.

i have no explanation and i have every explanation. i don’t deserve all this suffering.

[phanaticphantasies]

Did you mean @danielhowell and @amazingphil?

A depressed person has to save the world with their oddly optimistic sidekick who just radiates happiness

[phanaticphantasies]

i feel like they aren't uploading because of the marches

if that’s the case it’s really respectful especially since such a large part of their demographic are still in school and live in the us. i go to school in a gun-heavy area and gun control is really important to me and i’m glad they are at least acknowledging it through liking tweets. i don’t want to praise dan and phil for the bare minimum here but even a little can go a long way into opening up people’s minds.

[phanaticphantasies]

So.  I finished.  This took me over 12 hours.   I’m still not totally happy with the colouring of Dan’s face, but oh well.  Also, PHIL’S LAPTOP TOOK ME OVER 2 HOURS LIKE PHIL. WHY SO MANY STICKERS?

P.S. Please do not remove caption :)

[phanaticphantasies]

something about two bros, bro-in’ it up, going on tropical holidays, renting out expensive villas, becoming rich businessmen… sounds really, really familiar but i can’t seem to put my finger on it

[phanaticphantasies]

Love when I try to be responsible and start therapy and accidentally overdraft my bank account. 😅 Hey, if anybody has a couple extra bucks to spare, I’d love it if you could donate to my Kofi. I still have bills to pay, I don’t get paid for another two weeks, and I have -200 in my bank account and yeah… I’m hoping they can give me a refund, but I don’t think it’ll happen, you know? God, I’m stressed out. Thanks if you even just read this or reblogged it.

[phanaticphantasies]

things that make me feel better about myself that I think a lot of people forget

those little things on ur nose aren’t blackheads, don’t try and get rid of them they’re sebaceous filaments and they’re permanent and literally everyone has them

every girl has that little pouch of fat on her lower tummy, despite what magazines try n show u, you have important organs there that need to be protected don’t try and get rid of ur pouch

ur body is smarter than u think and it knows what to do when u eat more than normal. one bad day, or even week, of eating poorly isn’t gonna ruin anything at all I pinky promise

if u think u look good up until u try taking a selfie, it’s not ur fault - our faces are asymmetrical and when u see ur face flipped it will look unnatural to u, since u don’t see it that way when u look in the mirror. to everyone else it looks perfectly fine

no one’s stomach looks the same at 8pm as it does at 8am. no one has a chiseled six pack after a day of eating, not even the super fit people u see on tumblr, because ur stomach naturally expands after eating and expecting to have a flat tummy before bed is very unrealistic

no one notices if the bags under ur eyes are bad today. no one pays attention to the bump in ur nose or the zit on ur chin or the piece of hair that u missed when u were straightening. literally no one notices these things except you so stop worrying about it ur gonna be fine

sometimes u just gotta get over urself

[phanaticphantasies]

Daniel James Howell and Philip Michael Lester?

I was talking with my mom about cute/handsome/hot men and, as she lived in England for like a year, she told me: “English men are ugly”.

My inner self wanted to rip my ears off for hearing that, while my outter self was like: “Excuse me, but, huh: Tom Felton, Tom Holland, James and Oliver Phelps, Alex Pettyfer, Finlay McMillan, Daniel Radcliffe, Christian Bale, Rupert Grint, Jamie Dornan, Tom Hiddleston, Matt Lewis, Sam Claflin, Kit Harrington, Orlando Bloom, HENRY CAVILL, B E N  B A R N E S!????”

And now I just want to find other examples to PROVE MY MOM THAT SHE‘S WRONG but I’m too heated to think coherently.

[phanaticphantasies]

Kill me now. I wasn't prepared!

It looked like they were taking a different photo than the one he posted

they took a soft picture just for themselves i hope i die soon

[phanaticphantasies]

reblog while you still can

[phanaticphantasies]

But like… How can anybody be subscribed to Daniel Howell and not be subscribed to AmazingPhil. The concept just goes over my head.

[phanaticphantasies]

How Rare and Infinite It Truly is That We Exist

Summary: In which Phil is obsessed with the stars and Dan realizes he’s in love with his best friend.

Word Count: 1110

He was probably five the first time he went stargazing with his father, an attempt made by Nigel to bond with his younger son. Phil had always been a mum’s boy, clinging to his mother in most instances. He wasn’t athletic or masculine like Martyn and social situations made him anxious and upset. The mixture of these facts made the Lester father a little put off at times.

So he bought a nice telescope and took Phil to see the stars. He never imagined the love he would spark.

Phil spent most nights outside after that, staring at the stars, learning the constellations, imagining aliens on other planets doing the same thing as him. Maybe some of them were doing it with their fathers too. For his sixth birthday, Martyn helped him stick glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling.

He wore anything galaxy-themed and talked about the stars and the universe to anyone that would listen.

But the world is cruel and the bullies of secondary school sent Phil spiralling away from his love of space. He ripped the stars off of his ceiling after he came home with a bloody nose. And threw away his galaxy backpack when someone called him gay {he didn’t realize then that he was, in fact, gay}. By university, his fascination with the infinite became a dirty little secret, most traces of it erased.

Even so, when the stress of society became a little too much, he always retreated to his telescope and his stars. He always found himself alone on these ventures into the universe.

Until Dan Howell came along.

*~*

Dan never questioned Phil when the older man dragged him to the park in the middle of the night. He never asked why they laid on the damp grass, side by side, arms brushing against each other. He never breached the comfortable silence that hung between them and Phil, surprisingly, didn’t make an attempt to fill it with some kind of noise either.

Nights like this happened, Dan learned early on in their friendship when Phil called him in the middle of the night and asked him to just go stare at the stars. It was different now, of course. Back then, Dan was still in Wockingham and Phil in Rawtenstall. Now, they were close enough to touch. The smell of strawberries tickled his nose, an after effect of Phil’s body wash.

After they moved in together, Dan learned about Phil’s anxiety. He connected the dots one day when Phil emerged from the bathroom with red eyes and a heaving chest. They laid on the balcony that night and stared up at the sky in silence.

When they moved to London, they found a small park to go to when it happened. Sometimes, when Dan’s own mental health took a turn for the worse, they went to their park for that too. But they always went at night. Dan had yet to see the area during the day, not that he minded. More people would be there during the day. At night, it was just Dan and Phil, like always.

Phil snuggled into his new space jacket with a content sigh, startling Dan out of his thoughts. He glanced at his best friend. They were so close that he could see the white fog of Phil’s exhale. Their closeness never bothered Dan and, while it was a joke on the internet that they were conjoined at the hip, it was as comfortable and simple as breathing to be close to Phil.

“Isn’t it amazing?”

The sudden whisper sounded like a shout when it broke the silence that always hung between them on nights like this. Dan wondered, briefly, why they were here at all. They’d had a good day, filming a video, enjoying London. Phil turned to look at him, his vibrant blue eyes glittering in the dim light of the streetlamps.

Dan didn’t understand why people found him more attractive than Phil. The way the shadows hit his pale face and angular features made him look gorgeous. Even “No Homo Howell” could admit that {in his head}. “Are you going to make a joke about your channel name?” he questioned, a cheeky smile slipping onto his face.

Phil elbowed him gently in the ribs with a giggle, “No.”

Another lapse of silence fell between them before Phil whispered to him, “What are the chances that you and I would exist at the same exact time in the vastness of the universe?”

Dan’s eyebrows furrowed as he rolled onto his side to stare at Phil. “Isn’t existential crises kinda my thing, Phil?”

“Shut up,” Phil continued to stare up at the stars and Dan wondered why he didn’t always look so content and peaceful. Wondered what he had to do to always see that look on Phil’s face. “I just... Thank you.”

Dan’s heart fluttered in his chest, “For what?”

He watched as Phil rolled towards him, his expression fond and soft. “Being you,” he breathed out, his breath smelling of strawberry icebreakers.

“Phil?”

Phil’s eyes searched his as if looking for something and suddenly, Dan was worried. Was Phil about to have an attack and Dan missed all of the signs? He glanced down when Phil placed his hand over Dan’s. “Really, thank you. I don’t,” his eyes fluttered closed and he inhaled. He reopened his eyes and Dan found himself lost in those oceans of blue and green. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if I never met you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Dan stared at Phil. Phil, his flatmate. Phil, his business associate. Phil, his first best friend. Phil, the loser that stole his cereal. Phil, the guy that chewed on their controllers. Phil, with his giggles and wide smiles. Phil, with mismatched socks and bad jokes. Phil, the only reason he crawled out of bed some mornings. Phil, the light of his life. Philip Michael Lester. “Dan?” Phil’s small smile dropped. He laughed nervously. “Say something?”

Dan didn’t say anything. Instead, he closed this distance between them. His eyes slid closed as he pressed his lips to Phil’s. Phil stiffened for a second before he relaxed, reaching up and threading his fingers through Dan’s hair. After a second, Dan pulled away with half-lidded eyes and short gasps of air. He sighed and opened his eyes.

Phil stared back at him with a mixture of wonder and confusion, his fingers still dragging through Dan’s fringe. Dan smiled faintly at him, “I think I love you, Phil.”

This time, Phil smiled. He pulled Dan in for another kiss and then whispered against his lips, “I know.”

[phanaticphantasies]

I don't get why there are so many people actually SUPPORTING Phil and Faberge? I find this whole thing entirely weird and bizarre. It's not up Phil's alley like at all in the slightest. I'm intrigued to see if there will be a video about it, or if he'll just keep tweeting shit. But it's just WEIRD. Idk... Phil publically agreeing on a money deal in front of our eyes is probs the weirdest thing I've seen him do.

*rubbing hands together* anon you are so wrong on so many levels. Sorry to say,

1) It’s not weird because this is how the business world works. This is probably a first for Faberge to reach out to a Youtuber of all people, but as for someone who gets millions of views on his videos and tens of thousands of activity with his tweets. It’s a hard opportunity to say no to. It doesn’t mean that Phil will be doing an “advertisement” for his audience that can barely afford it. Phil knows business people, management, higher classmen, Dan fucking has ties with the actual prince of england. 

Sorry to say this, but not everything is about us

2) If Phil does make a video about it, it’ll be pleasing for everyone. Like how all his videos are. From Faberge’s official twitter it seems like they might be doing a design contest inspired by Phil’s comment of “back egg”, the best design gets $500. (I’m assuming, don’t quote me on that there are no details anywhere about it besides that tweet) Honestly, with how talented and creative Phil’s core audience is, this is a win-win for everybody and a GENIUS idea if Phil supports it. 

3) You’ve never seen Phil publicly agreeing for money deals? 

huh that’s weird. 

[phanaticphantasies]

I don't have anything to add, I have more questions, sorry. :) How do we know that BBC only wanted Phil for the radio show?

It’s from TABINOF, on page 90. :) Phil included a screenshot of the email he got from Alistair at BBC, and then there’s the bit where Dan and Phil are discussing it. 

[phanaticphantasies]

NETHII!! Dan deleted the biology tweet how does this make you feel? (I wonder if biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone D:)

wAIT WHAT FOR REAL I’M SO UPSET