peter-pepperazzi - Tumblr blog

[peter-pepperazzi]

The words struck Peter with anger. Not the restraining order part - that had been expected - but that she hadn't remembered. No, she might never remember at this rate.

"I'm thinkin' 'friends' is a little complicated. I must say, she had me take a lot of pictures of you, though. She talked about you a lot. I think that was... my influence. I encouraged it. It's my thing, paparazzi. You know the deal. She wanted to get you a gift, something really special, so... she had me get the scoop on what you liked most."

He looked her over for a long moment. "You maybe didn't meet me before this year, but the two of us have known you very well since... well, since about 2006. Does that give you a clue?"

‘ i keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are. ’ (Pepperazzi)

"What old friends? I barely know you. I only have your contact details for the restraining order."

[peter-pepperazzi]

"People love redheads! Like that Banker? Always eyeing up your hair like he wants a rug out of it? You have like, super pretty hair. People would kill for that hair." He said pointedly. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked at Petunia for a long moment. Then, he took off his sunglasses. "You still haven't figured out who I am, huh?" He asked bluntly, tired of the game, tired of Petunia not noticing. Surely she could see it in his eyes. Surely she'd remember.

If she didn't remember, he might snap.

‘ you don’t have to call anymore. i won’t pick up the phone. ’ (from petunia)

Peter looked hurt. His eyebrows knitted together, and he hesitated before he said, "I... I was too forward, wasn't I? I... I thought we were getting along so well. The escape rooms, the silly Buzzfeed quizzes about 'if you were kidnapped by One Direction what would YOU do?', but..." he looked down, clearly embarrassed. He shifted his sunglasses to cover his eyes. "I understand, I... I clearly projected my... feelings of friendship onto you. You didn't feel the same way. I'm so stupid."

[peter-pepperazzi]

"Do friends not invite each other to escape games? Do they not hang out? Petunia, I... I really was tryin' to be friends with you. I know I come on strong, but... Audrey said you were a good person. Someone who could see the best in someone like me, a..." he trailed off, unable to form the word that caught in his throat. He bit on his lip, looking away. "She didn't tell me redheads were so... prejudiced. I thought you look beyond your privilege."

‘ you don’t have to call anymore. i won’t pick up the phone. ’ (from petunia)

Peter looked hurt. His eyebrows knitted together, and he hesitated before he said, "I... I was too forward, wasn't I? I... I thought we were getting along so well. The escape rooms, the silly Buzzfeed quizzes about 'if you were kidnapped by One Direction what would YOU do?', but..." he looked down, clearly embarrassed. He shifted his sunglasses to cover his eyes. "I understand, I... I clearly projected my... feelings of friendship onto you. You didn't feel the same way. I'm so stupid."

[peter-pepperazzi]

‘ you don’t have to call anymore. i won’t pick up the phone. ’ (from petunia)

Peter looked hurt. His eyebrows knitted together, and he hesitated before he said, "I... I was too forward, wasn't I? I... I thought we were getting along so well. The escape rooms, the silly Buzzfeed quizzes about 'if you were kidnapped by One Direction what would YOU do?', but..." he looked down, clearly embarrassed. He shifted his sunglasses to cover his eyes. "I understand, I... I clearly projected my... feelings of friendship onto you. You didn't feel the same way. I'm so stupid."

[peter-pepperazzi]

Will we ever learn what your deal is

"Maybe, maybe not. Maybe one day. This year? Who knows! Who could predict it? Maybe I don't even know what my deal is. My deal is gettin' the scoop anon, and get the scoop I will. Isn't that enough? Must there be more? Okay, okay, I'll tell ya what. I'll let you in on a little secret: my real name isn't Peter Pepperazzi. Ya think I'm crazy enough in this career to use my real name? Not a chance. And you know me, Anon. You know my name, because you've had a brush with me before. There's very few people in this modern world who hasn't known me by my true name."

[peter-pepperazzi]

Peter stared at her. "I was thinking Kilt Bagpipe was somehow involved in all this, Petunia. I'm going to be forward: I thought maybe he was moonlighting in drag as Vogue - the fashionable superhero, very iconic. And I thought you would be able to confirm or deny this based on your closeness to the both of them," he said, although this was not very well foreshadowed in this thread. "As a reporter, I expected you to have the inside scoop."

i bet we even die on the same day. (Peter Pepperazzi, pick a verse, maybe he is in Star idk)

Petunia's eyes widened, as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, quickly dialing 3 numbers "Hello? 911?"

[peter-pepperazzi]

“You know if you beat the record time of the night you get a free gift card to the Bumblyburg Bean,” Peter encouraged her, because he did spend money on this Escape Room and was taking it very seriously. “You and I both know it’s deeper than interviews. It’s saving the day together. It’s sharing a coffee together. Petunia M. Rhubarb isn’t just a reporter, she’s a fashionable redhead, isn’t she? And what other fashionable redheads have not so secret feelings for cucumbers with Larry in their name?”

i bet we even die on the same day. (Peter Pepperazzi, pick a verse, maybe he is in Star idk)

Petunia's eyes widened, as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, quickly dialing 3 numbers "Hello? 911?"

[peter-pepperazzi]

What's the most interesting piece of gossip you know rn?

"You know, lotta twins, lotta clones, lotta mysteries. Old hat, right? But this town doesn't think they should ask about the one man we all know has an identical twin brother who showed up in a Christmas special in the 90s?

Anyway, I'm just sayin', look a little closer. Doesn't Mr. Nebby K. Nezzer give off some strange auras? I never was much of one to believe in all that aura shit, but just look at him! If The Troublesome Twin's Taking a Turn to Takeover for Twin Two, maybe we should find out exactly why? I mean, it's like that famous Victorian London play about the towers that are twins - or actually, maybe it's not. But I'll tell you, I don't trust any reason someone would have for taking over their twin brother's identity, if that is what happened. And that's the scoop on Nebby K. Nezzer - or, maybe, Wally P. Nezzer. You know, it really is hard to tell!"

[peter-pepperazzi]

“Y’know, when we entered this escape room, you were supposed to put that in the lock box. Granted, I was supposed to do that too, but just ignore that. Listen, Petunia. I know your secret. I know who you are. And I know your connection to Larry Boy. You think - oh, timer’s counting down, can you look for clues or something while I talk?”

i bet we even die on the same day. (Peter Pepperazzi, pick a verse, maybe he is in Star idk)

Petunia's eyes widened, as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, quickly dialing 3 numbers "Hello? 911?"

[peter-pepperazzi]

Slowly, Peter answered his vibrating phone. "Hello? Petunia's Phone Number? Oh, didn't you hear? I got a new job for the holidays. Now hear me out, Petunia."

i bet we even die on the same day. (Peter Pepperazzi, pick a verse, maybe he is in Star idk)

Petunia's eyes widened, as she pulled her phone out of her pocket, quickly dialing 3 numbers "Hello? 911?"

[peter-pepperazzi]

"Boy, they always do that when I ask. Even the other ones who are identical to them but act slightly differently. Weird. It's almost as if people hate the paparazzi. Ah, well."

The Boyz were dancing to some upbeat hip-hop inspired music as the four laughed and jammed out. "This DJ is so hot right now!" Junior said, as he was dancing.

"Word. This is so fire! Fresh beats!" Mr. Lunt added.

"Totally digging this music." Jimmy said, dancing.

"Funky!" Larry said, dancing.

Pepperazzi eyed the Boyz as he noted something in his phone, then snapped a quick pic for his blog. The news of the reunion would be an interesting one, for sure. Perhaps enough to overshadow some other dealings with a soon-to-be-missing-TV-reporter.

"Yeah, the DJ's fine, I guess." Pepperazzi mumbled, uninterested in the DJ's hotness. "So why'd the group breakup?"

[peter-pepperazzi]

The Boyz were dancing to some upbeat hip-hop inspired music as the four laughed and jammed out. "This DJ is so hot right now!" Junior said, as he was dancing.

"Word. This is so fire! Fresh beats!" Mr. Lunt added.

"Totally digging this music." Jimmy said, dancing.

"Funky!" Larry said, dancing.

Pepperazzi eyed the Boyz as he noted something in his phone, then snapped a quick pic for his blog. The news of the reunion would be an interesting one, for sure. Perhaps enough to overshadow some other dealings with a soon-to-be-missing-TV-reporter.

"Yeah, the DJ's fine, I guess." Pepperazzi mumbled, uninterested in the DJ's hotness. "So why'd the group breakup?"

[peter-pepperazzi]

"Since when is Jimmy involved? It would probably be Jerry." Pepperazzi said, confused, but then he remembered the turn of phrase. "Oh! Yeah, no, the trunk is locked. Definitely... going to be locked, in this situation." He glanced down at his phone and typed something quickly into his Notes app.

“Let's say a kidnapper throws you in the back of a trunk.” (Pepperazzi)

"Are my non existent limbs tied up too? Or can I reach into my pocket and call the police?"

[peter-pepperazzi]

"Let's say the kidnapper took your phone, unless your pocket just has the ability to call the police. So you're in the trunk, no phone, heading to a secondary location. What do you do?"

“Let's say a kidnapper throws you in the back of a trunk.” (Pepperazzi)

"Are my non existent limbs tied up too? Or can I reach into my pocket and call the police?"

[peter-pepperazzi]

“Mm, well…” Pepperazzi had hoped more for the photos, but if Jerry could get Petuba Rhunirb to come to a closed set for an interview… yes, that could work. “Okay, Jordo. You’re on. You get that interview cinched, and I’ll hire you permanently.”

“I’m giving you one last shot, Jeremiah Bullfrog. We need something earth shattering for this blog. Something that’s gonna shake up the veggies like they’ve gone for a ride in the salad spinner. What’s the deal with Petunia? Can you find me some incriminating evidence on that supposedly wholesome reporter?” (Pepperazzi)

“Can I freestyle rap about it?”

[peter-pepperazzi]

“Does feeling sorry bring her victims back to life? When the tornado dies down, is the damage undone? There’s evidence to be had about something, I’m sure. Wouldn’t the fans want to know about Petunia’s crimes? Wouldn’t they want to know about her side of the story? How about her recovery? Jeristopher, I need those shots of Petunia, and I’m trusting you to help me get them. For the fans! For the scoop!”

“I’m giving you one last shot, Jeremiah Bullfrog. We need something earth shattering for this blog. Something that’s gonna shake up the veggies like they’ve gone for a ride in the salad spinner. What’s the deal with Petunia? Can you find me some incriminating evidence on that supposedly wholesome reporter?” (Pepperazzi)

“Can I freestyle rap about it?”

[peter-pepperazzi]

Do you want to use Petunia’s hair as a rug?

Pepperazzi considered this. He looked at the photos he had snapped of Petunia. Blurry photos, but her red hair was unmistakable.

Actually, looking closer, was that a Yale shirt? Okay. Mildly mistakable. He threw that one in the trash.

“I can’t lie. her hair would make a neat rug, but I’m not really the home decor type. Thing is, maybe Petunia might have to worry for her safety. I hear serial killers like to take trophies. Someone with a fascination with her hair like that? Might not be too safe around them. No. I think she should stay away from those red flags.”