pete-nis-official

[pete-nis-official]

Alright y'all, who messaged me? Tumblr is showing that I have a message, but not who sent it or what it is.

[pete-nis-official]

Hey dude,

I'm a multigender guy who is also interested in building this kind of community. I'm happy to chat, if you're not going to be weird about the fact that I am 5'3" and was afab. I came out as both male and female at age 10. I'm also a drag king, so I have thoughts about the male experience I would love to chat with another guy about.

I also have a degree in gender studies, so I also have book recommendations.

Leaving toxic masculinity behind as a source of community is pretty much an unmitigated good, especially for men who are chronically underperforming in one or more metric by which hegemonic patriarchal status is measured (heterosexuality, whiteness, ability to perform violence, ect.). No real external spur is needed for leaving. It doesn't even require empathy. Just perspective. Relying on an abusive pyramid scheme for self worth is bad, actually.

But when you leave that, I dunno, call me a whiny incel who expects emotional labour from others, it would be cool if there was some sort of community or support structure in place for progressive men to find celebration and identity and acceptance. It would be nice if we had cultural conceptions of positive masculinity that could be emulated instead of individual, exceptional, disposable blorbos to be fawned over. It would be nice if being masculine wasn't viewed as something that negates or problematises my queerness. It would be nice to even be able to find media about masculinity that isn't poisoned by fascism or more interested in dunking on said misogynists for clout. I feel like I'm trying to build something new from scratch. Why? Why is this such a fucking wasteland.

I don't know about y'all, but I have never felt understood and accepted by any community ever in my fucking life. I have never felt seen. I have never felt at home. I'm not gonna become a misogynist about it but there sure isn't anything positive to lean on or collective vision for a positive future to fucking strive for, is there? Christ.

And like, because I know I do have to end with this, before you try some faux-hopecore bullshit on me that actually seeks to shift the blame right back onto me, I'm already donating to and planning to volunteer for my local left wing party for our upcoming federal election. I already signed up for more classes to fill my time, I'm married, I text my stupid friends who bail on me and don't text back. I have been to therapy several times. I have already poured hundreds of hours trying to build community in male feminist spaces online. Systemic issues do not magically become individual failings when we talk about men.

[pete-nis-official]

So tightening up my acts for a return to the stage. Good news, I am able to do my two opening acts cold, in my PJ's. Bad news, I need to practice a lot to get my acts to my standards, and the two acts I am getting ready to perform have very different ways of cleaning up their acts, so I have a lot of work to do.

Also good news, I got to network a lot today with my local drag scene and multiple people are watching my comeback. If all goes well, I'm untouchable. If it bombs, well, that is certainly within the realm of possibility. I think I can eat these songs. I just need to remember/discover how.

I will post video in the event I eat them both.

[pete-nis-official]

I sincerely want to thank you @alicexz. I'm a drag king built like Tom Holland and these pieces are a better guide to how to do my body makeup than I could possibly buy. This is FANTASTIC.

You know how Degas did studies of ballerinas? This is… kind of like that!

(On Twitter / Instagram ayyyyy)

[pete-nis-official]

I'm 34, and I am re-working drag bits weirder and stranger than you can imagine. I did drag all the way back in 2009, and the incoming administration can eat my whole ass. Now? I can be a King. I can be a Queen too if someone loans me a wig, but I go by a different name as a Queen.

To give y'all an idea, I am currently working on a stage version of 21st Century Cure from Repo the Genetic Opera. And Sexyback at my partners request.

Every time we vend at Pride, there are times when I have to fight breaking down.

It's probably not when you'd expect. Yes, I get misty at the Big Moments and the Conversations, and we have those every time. I love seeing the parents who are buying their kid's first Pride item, the trans girls spinning in skirts they just bought, the curve of fresh scars across a chest that's clearly seeing sunlight for the first time this summer. I love it all. I devour every minute of it.

But it's the parents who hand their kid a $20 or tap their Apple watch on our card reader and look slightly bored that get me, sometimes.

My G-d. It's not scary, it's not overwhelming, it's not tense and nervewacking. It's boring to them.

2 weeks ago, my brother tells me, my parents used the right name and pronouns for me through an entire dinner with Jake and his partner.

I turned 47 three days ago.

Today, a parent looked bored escorting their teenager around at Pride.

My G-d.

[pete-nis-official]

I wasn't kidding folks. I'm not letting them put me back in the boxes I tore my way out of. I'm gonna get back to being a drag king in my thirties, g-d help me.