petalbypetalmyself

[petalbypetalmyself]

10/10 Day 2: getting the hang of it | FB30 R5 W1D2

So, this morning I did the same thing (i. e., the wrong thing) I do each morning—I press the snooze button the three times my alarm rings and end up getting up at 8 am, proceed to take my supplements (at least I drink water first thing in the morning) and start preparing my breakfast. When it's done (today I had something different—not entirely happy about the result: I divided a 44 g rye bread toast in three, to ⅓ I spread butter and put raspberries on top [didn't like the taste of the butter, so I won't be doing that again], to the second ⅓ I just poured EVOO [it was fine, I knew the flavour], and to the final ⅓ I spread 6 g of pistachio-peanut butter and 5 g of strawberry jam [even though the pistachio-peanut butter tastes good, I didn't really care for the combo]) I sat in front of my PC and, yes, resumed my viewing of Eclipse.

I also had one coffee and two cigarettes this morning. The coffee was good, the cigarettes were not. Especially because I really hate the sore throat feeling, and the diminished lung capacity sensation. Finally, I discovered I love breathing.

I did munch a little bit around 12.30 pm. It's not that I was hungry, but I felt like I needed some energy (that I could've gotten by stepping outside and directing my body towards the sun, or even by closing my eyes—but I'm still working on it). Nevertheless my morning ended at 2 pm. I ate lunch somewhat anxiously, but without distracting myself, ½ bowl of brown rice with veggies, lettuce salad, and 1 banana + 1 corn cake w/PPB for dessert. Unnecessary.

I closed my eyes and resumed my work day up until 5 pm. Time to work out and shower.

The problem came at 6.30 pm. I was burnt out and somewhat hungry so I decided to take a break and grab a snack—originally, only some raspberries + small light cheese on top of a rice cake, and an orange. But I ended up overeating and watching Eclipse.

Finally, after a meeting, I wasn't hungry, so I didn't eat any dinner.

Walked almost 14k today.

[petalbypetalmyself]

10/10 Day 1: accidental success | FB30 R5 W1D1

As far as 10/10 goes, it wasn't ideal, but I managed to turn the day around. In Week 1 (out of 10) I should be only focusing on eating in a way that brings calm into my day. I didn't do that until dinner. I woke up and had homemade bread with EVOO and a few teaspoons of shredded coconut just because (actually, just because I [i] was so sleepy, [ii] wasn't hungry because of the mini binge from the night before, and [iii] didn't want my work day to start, this last one being the most childish, rebellious, stupid point—the quicker it starts, the quicker it finishes). Then I made cookies (not very good, I threw them away eventually) and had one at noon, along with two corn cakes with 1 ½ slices of mock cheese. My mother called around 1 pm, and interrupted my already quite interrupted work day, so I decided "I could grab lunch now." So I had three more cookies (not hungry here) and was about to prepare some soup when I realized I really wasn't hungry —in fact, I was full— and this whole situation was "bad adult behaviour" (i. e., not acting like an adult at all), and worse of all, I wasn't being true to the new program I was actually so convinced it was going to be the last one I follow (because it will work) on this matter (i. e., weight loss). So, I had a glass of veggie broth, and brushed my teeth instead. From 1 pm to 9.30 pm, I got progressively hungry, but didn't eat because I could wait. I ultimately preferred to get the job done before dinner, so I could relax with (this one hurts even more than Pretty Little Liars) the Twilight saga I'm rewatching. Only, I couldn't, and can't relax with external (or internal, for that matter—more on this later) noise, be it audiovisual, be it only visual or be it only audio. So, I paused Eclipse (thank God), and sat on the other side of the room, alone, in silence, with a bowl of veggie soup, and half an EVOO toast (I already ate the other half in front of the PC). And it was difficult, and strange, but at the same time rewarding since I know from experience I would've overeaten otherwise (that is, had I stayed in front of the PC, I would've overeaten, no doubts about it). I even had dessert—1 ½ corn cakes with 2 really small tsp of pistachio-peanut butter and 2 equally small tsp of strawberry jam. And it worked. No finishing the whole jar of anything because "I can't control myself around these foods." Nope. I had it, and stored it back in the fridge. Now in bed, I feel light and it feels good.

So, overall, I would say this was an accidental but successful first day of 10/10. (The only downside was I smoked. But it has nothing to do with food and everything to do with stress, i. e., work-related emotional stress.)

Workout was at 10 am.

I didn't enjoy it so much. But again, I was not in the right place to enjoy anything this morning.

[petalbypetalmyself]

10/10 day 0 | FB30 R5

FB30 was the first workout program I ever purchased, back in 2017, I believe. Little did I know that I would let a long list of workout programmes, meal plans, and other sorts of fitness and wellness subscriptions completely shrink my wallet since then. I don't even want to think about it.

So, when Fitness Blender announced a new edition of FB30, I rescheduled FB Low Impact R2 and R1 in favour of FB30 R5.

But my main commitment will be to 10/10.

For I know my problem is not working out or getting my steps in, but eating wisely, food noise, and failure to commit to my goals.

[petalbypetalmyself]

10/10 investment

So, after thinking about a lot of things, related to the same old, same old, thing (my obsession with losing these last 5 pounds), I had to be honest with myself about several things. First off, I hate Instagram and I want to delete it. But I can't because I'm currently part of Liv Schmidt's "Skinny Societé," up until yester-night, when I had it and unsubscribed. Sure, I will miss the company of other like-minded people, but in the end I wasn't using the chat really, because I just hate social media. So, also yester-night, I decided I'm going to follow Kiki Athanas' 10/10 program, since she resonates way more with me than Liv Schmidt, which I kind of find annoying. Maybe it is that she's so young, I don't know. The thing is Kiki's better for me, and I hate Instagram, so that's it.

I will start on Monday, along with FB Low Impact R2.

[petalbypetalmyself]

TSSé Angel Challenge M1D3

Binge-free days: 1

Smoke-free days: 1

Back at it again. The funny thing is I felt physically light (mentally heavy) this morning, after this enormous binge of yester-night.

As always, the boldened words represent the moments I misbehaved, food-wise.

[petalbypetalmyself]

TSSé Angel Challenge M1D2 | binge

Binge-free days: 0

Smoke-free days: 0

I don't want to talk about it.

[petalbypetalmyself]

TSSé Angel Challenge | FB Low Impact R3 finished | Gymondo Barre? Pilates with Amanda? FB Low Impact R2?

Binge-free days: 9

Smoke-free days: 0

I enjoyed FB Low Impact R3, even if, or especially because, I took it slow, and swapped workouts whenever I wanted to.

So, my original plan was to do the three rounds of Fitness Blender's Low Impact programs consecutively (albeit starting from the newest to the oldest), but then I thought I would complete FB's 5-day Pilates with Amanda Challenge.

However, I ended up working out with Louisa Paterson both on Monday and today.

I guess it's because I still wish I looked like a ballerina. Also, because ballet inspired workouts (especially by Ballet Beautiful, Lazy Dancer Tips and Train Like a Ballerina/Louisa Paterson) make me feel so mobile and tall. And, since I'm part of this "The Skinny Societé" (although I'm thinking of unsubscribing) by Liv Schmidt, and there is this three-month Angel Challenge going on, and one of the non-negotiables is "Victoria's Secret Posture Training", I thought I would do a week or two of barre workouts and see if they help me with (1) hip pain (and I know from experience ballet-inspired workouts help) due, I believe, "lazy glutes," (2) posture correction, and (3) flexibility.

Today was my first day as a renewed lady of leisure (who has a ton of studying and non-paid work to do) and I kind of wasted it. First, by eating my body weight in PB. I'm joking, otherwise I would've had to restart the binge-free days count. But I did overeat it (as of now, during Month 1 of this skinny challenge, I'm not counting overeating as binging, but when I master it, I surely will, since my goal is to be binge-free and overeating-free for ever, knowing that overeating might happen on certain occasions, but not because of boredom, stress, or sadness).

So that's one thing. The other is I'm not sure how I wasted so much time. I procrastinated BIG TIME. And ate because of it. So here's what I'm going to do. Since these barre workouts are not hard, and have the bonus to be quick (they never take longer than 25 minutes, warmup and cool down included), I am going to make the effort to complete them before breakfast, so I can get ready for the day and to head to the library to work.

Work out

Shower and get ready

Breakfast

Library (with walking breaks)

Head home

Rest

Lunch

Walk

Library/coffee shop/work from home

Walk

Home and self-care

Dinner

Read & sleep

Oh, I had a cigarette slip because of the PB. Well, technically I had two slips. But here's my food diary of today. (I might have decided to have bone broth every night. What's it supposed to be good for, again?)

[petalbypetalmyself]

FB Low Impact R3 W4D5

Binge-free days: 6

Smoke-free days: 0

Yes, I had a cigarette. But it was only because I felt so drained. I was socially tired and even personally tired of myself—I had three very sociable sessions, pending at least two more, this weekend. I met with my loud, albeit lovely, family yesterday; today I went to a friend's house to have lunch and catch up, and a concert with my father almost immediately afterwards. That space that was "immediately afterwards" shouldn't have been filled with food (although I was hungry) and Pretty Little Liars, but with maybe half the food and The Magic Mountain, in order to regain some self-possession and tranquility before the storm, that was the concert.

This morning I made my first ever mood board collage—

—and I think it looks pretty "me," lacking a few things. It sums up my perpetual student life and my (seemingly perpetual) strive for losing weight.

I did this workout today, swapping the total body strength workout for core strength.

And this is what I ate.

I will start posting these from now on so I record what I ate, no lying.

[petalbypetalmyself]

FB Low Impact R3 W4D4

Binge-free days: 5

Smoke-free days: 6

I swapped my 5k morning walk and scheduled FB yoga cardio workout for crying, cleaning the house, a pelvic tilt 20 minute workout, and Pretty Little Liars, which is the worst TV show ever.

So I don't feel so great about myself today. But since I'm two days away from becoming a lady of leisure again, I'm going to take myself out on a date, to read Emerson and to sip outrageously overpriced tea.

One thing I know is that I will have more days like these, and now that the sun is out again, I have to make sure I get myself out of the house, not necessarily to walk, but to maybe have lunch outside and to read in the park.

[petalbypetalmyself]

(Actual) FB Low Impact W4D2 & 3

FB Low Impact R3 W4D2:

Binge-free days: 3

Smoke-free days: 4

I saw the number 55.5 kg again.

FB Low Impact R3 W4D3:

Binge-free days: 4

Smoke-free days: 5

Even though yesterday was quite a happy day, since I got to explain to some new friends the falloff I experienced with some common friends (who used to be my best friends), and I got birthday gifts, I ended up eating too much for dinner since I hardly ate lunch, and because I was in front of the computer watching Pretty Little Liars. Sue me.

At lunch today, the same happened. And it's been happening pretty much since I started the series again. And with that, the overeating. So tonight at dinner I'm saying NO to this habit.

What do I want MOST, to watch Pretty Little Liars or to get FINALLY skinny and free from food noise?

The answer is pretty clear.

Workout was at 3 pm, pilates with Amanda. So far, my least FB favourite trainers are Tasha and Brian. I love how funny Tasha is though, I just don't quite enjoy her workouts. Random thoughts, I guess.

[petalbypetalmyself]

FB Low Impact R3 W4D2

Binge-free days: 2

Smoke-free days: 3

New "body goals"—Taryn Toomey.

Having said that, I have many mixed feelings about this "Class," which combines all the things I seemed to be craving in workout videos lately (cardio, low impact sculpt to the beat of the music) with the things I hate the most about the "wellness" world (let's call it spiritual, if not phantasmal, capitalism).

Tomorrow I'll come back to FB Low Impact R3, but today I just felt like taking this "Class," and I intend to at least try it out for the remaining 14 days trial period I'm on, because the thing is I enjoyed the parts when you forget the sheer Capitalism behind.

[petalbypetalmyself]

FB Low Impact R3 W4D1

Yesterday I broke my main streak. I hate how pointless it feels.

Binge-free days: 1

Smoke-free days: 2

Anyway, since I got to 8 days without binging, let's see if I can double that (& even go beyond): 16 days without binging will be my next finish line. (Also, 10 days without smoking.)

This was fun. (I swapped out the scheduled lower body strength workout.) I am also considering switching my "FB Low Impact plan" and try The Class for a while, since I am a little bored with my exercise plan lately.

I also walked 16k steps today and didn't went over 1600 kcals, but I'm not comfortable with the way I ate.

I got a fake cigarrette, I just have to get used to it being an urge stopper.

[petalbypetalmyself]

FB Low Impact R3 W3D5 and 6

Binge-free days: 7/8

Smoke-free days: 5/0

FB Low Impact R3 W3D5: I missed Daniel and I didn't want to lift weights, so I swapped a Total Body lifting workout for this "Low Impact Cardio Workout - Total Body Workout for Beginner to Intermediate", to which I added wrist weights and bands.

FB Low Impact R3 W3D6: I had a very, very low day yesterday, I ended up buying a pack of cigarettes and smoking 2 (and 1 more today). But I also purchased a mock cigarette which I believe will help me in situations like these. I don't know what is wrong with me not to be able to keep any friendships, ever. Well, to be fair I have a "long distance" (in the sense that I hardly ever see them, and speak with them very sparingly) relationship with two old pals of mine, whom I love and will always cherish. But these two friends I made, whom I thought to be "it"—i. e., the friendship I had been looking for since I was a kiddo—are ghosting me in a very unjust and hurtful manner. I didn't do anything to them. Yesterday, I vented to two people about them, and cried several times over them. Today I'm quietly angry at them. I will see one of them this afternoon and I'm not looking forward to it.

[petalbypetalmyself]

FB Low Impact R3 W3D4

Binge-free days: 6

Smoke-free days: 4

Yesterday I had a family luncheon and, even though I practiced portion control, I wasn't as snobbish with my portions as I should. What's more, I had alcohol, which I think I only enjoy having when we're not having big meals. Also, after a three-day coffee detox, having coffee not once but twice in a day made me toss and turn uncomfortably, wake up at least 8 times to pee, and basically not get any sleep. Today I'm back to the no coffee rule.

Another thing I noticed, at my partner's I am always looser with my rules (because his family has none) and ate dairy, processed foods (sugar), cold-cuts and coffee. And it happened. I got a new pimple and oilier skin. I think I can get away with having one "treat," although I share in the point that says "we're no dogs, we don't have treats," but never more than one day, and I should choose more carefully what foods are "worth it" for me. Cookies and cheese are probably, honestly, the least enjoyable ones, even though I eat them regularly when I'm there. I seem to enjoy cold-cut meats and coffee more.

Movement was a low impact HIIT and abs workout by Erica—

—and 15k steps.

[petalbypetalmyself]

FB Low Impact R3 W3D3

Binge-free days: 5

Smoke-free days: 3

Family luncheon today. Yesterday I managed to walk 10k miraculously inside my partner's home without looking like a complete fool. A partial fool, maybe. But got my 10k. Today's gonna be more difficult but I'm aiming for at least hitting 5k.

Today's workout was a stretching one.

Edit: this is what I ended up having, and a few LBT (licks, bites, tastes) that I didn't track, that includes 1 tsp of my homemade guacamole, less than 1 tsp of "esgarraet," and ½ a biscuit.

Am I proud? Well, it could've been better. But it could've been worse, too. I have done worse.

[petalbypetalmyself]

FB Low Impact R3 W3D2

Binge-free days: 4

Smoke-free days: 2

Taste everything, eat nothing

So far, today I am behaving with this mentality and quite well. I had a small breakfast, halved the amount of seeds, nuts and cereal I put in my yoghurt, and even though I finished the whole glass of orange juice, I didn't have a treat cookie, like I'm used to having when I stay at my partner's. After my workout, I felt hungry and had half a banana and half a cold-cut sausage. I'm still somewhat hungry but this small snack ensures me I can make it to lunch with an appetite but not overly hungry.

Besides, this is the feeling you want when losing weight. Not overly hungry, but acknowledging there will be hungry until you get used to your new "standard of skinny," as Liv Schmidt says.

I switched my workout for the latest Patrice's upper body one—

"Looks like Snow White but she could kill you," is the thought I had during the whole workout.

There's a storm going on outside and thus I will try to walk at least 5k inside.

[petalbypetalmyself]

“Taste everything, eat nothing” | FB Low Impact R3 W3D1

Binge-free days: 3

Smoke-free days: 1

55.1 kg. Like I predicted. I worked out after breakfast.

The day started quite well, but it went downhill, food-wise—a lot of bread and carbs at night, not ideal. Maybe it was that I spent a lousy night, my legs and head hurt. Maybe it is the cigarette withdrawal kicking in. In any case, I must remind myself I'm in charge and I want to lose 3 kg.

The last 5-10 lbs are the hardest but that's what I'm going to lose in 2 months.

Half everything

Be less lazy

It's not discipline only, it's a standard

Doing this for three weeks.

And these are the non-negotiables: