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manifesting that one day i’ll be that mysterious, reclusive writer that’s somehow on every social media platform anyway

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i miss it (the childhood nostalgia, the hue of colors being brighter to younger eyes still filled with wonder, the sweetness of a clementine on a hot summer day, the ease of laughter not plagued by adult sorrow, the fleeting love of a life not yet lived, the passion that still roared like a fire yet to be subdued, the impermanence of being permanent).

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One day you think: I want to die. And then you think, very quietly, actually I want a coffee. I want a nap. A sandwich. A book. And I want to die turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friends, I want to sit in the sun. I want a cleaner room, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else, I want to live.

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born to be an abstract concept, forced to be a percievable entity

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October leaf fall.

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To all the very sweet girls out there. I hope your heart is well. Don’t forget about yourself

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I shall think of you at sunset, and at sunrise, again; and at noon, and forenoon, and afternoon, and always, and evermore, till this little heart stops beating and is still.

Emily Dickinson, from a letter to Susan Huntington featured in Open Me Carefully: Emily Dickinson's Intimate Letters to Susan Huntington Dickinson

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working overtime -> loving the moon in every phase.

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back in my day it wasn't depression. it was melancholia

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"One day someone is going to find this journal and see the girl who was horrified by death, yet felt a kinship with the grotesque. They will see someone terrified of growing up, only to realize that time is an inevitable demon that catches up to all of us eventually.

We are here to laugh until our stomachs ache, and sob until our lungs burn, and understand that life isn't meant to be perfect.

We are unmistakably stunningly imperfect. Born to climb ladders to nowhere only to eventually fall."

Excerpts from my journal, circa 2024

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dark academia aesthetic

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Do Not Bring Him Water, Caitlin Scarano

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The Infinite Oblivion of Streetlights: I broke down crying thinking about life today...not much had changed., Written by Me

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Root Fractures, Diana Khoi Nguyen

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unknown sacred heart

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