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you deserve to feel

you deserve to feel beautiful

do you think, much like the ocean

the rocks and the sand underneath aren't included

in the scenery?

do you think

that the skies are much appreciated

without the body of water

and the endless layers underneath it?

---

you deserve to feel beautiful

no doubt

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Untitled Princess Carolyn Project 2.3

Who would've thought

A quick summer glimpse of you

Would heavily impact 

The rest of my autumn.

I wonder 

What it must have been like for you

How long did it take

To regain your pastels back;

    

Seeing the way that you hold them,

hints the history of those previous shadows

But in the end,

Did they muddle your colors–

in the same way past lovers

muddled mine too?

Like a rinse cup on a boozy night--

Leaving you bare.

I wonder,

if you knew what

it was like

too

?

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"friend..?"

How could you possibly miss someone you barely met? I ask myself this pondering what the connection might have meant to me. It's crazy how, I still cling onto our connection. Maybe because, how we crossed paths felt like it was too good to not explore how it might go

It feels nice to feel a little less alone in a campus filled with an insurmountable wave of different faces everyday.

I thought it was lovely to befriend someone in the same program, or coincidentally live in the same neighborhood, or coincidentally struggle with the same mental illness, or the same love for poetry, or have faced eerily similar struggles--I bonded with you quickly yet even in that state of mania I felt

okay

But things took a turn when I had mistaken this connection, and romanticized it in a way that would have driven anybody away.

Anyways, wherever you may be now,

I hope you're doing well. I hope you're safe and sound.

I hope you know that I am truly sorry for you to witness me in that state of mania.

I hope to let you know, despite all that

I appreciate you tolerating me momentarily.

Thank you for watching the sunset with me

Thank you for sitting along and getting to know me

Please know that despite our falling out,

I still would like the idea of

being friends with you

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HOME ALONE — 1990, dir. Chris Columbus

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A letter to my summer love; an addict's prose

Hey.

The last interaction we had, I wasn’t able to talk to you formally. You were too faded to have had a serious conversation with. I reckon it wouldn’t have impacted you much, you probably won’t remember the next day.

You swore at me that night, due to your impatience.

But here it goes.

I don’t think you know, how much I valued you. I may have just been a young woman transitioning into the real world. You mentioned one time, how I could look at those years I said I “wasted”, as closing a chapter with my youthful years, and that 

“you’re in the real world now, you have so much ahead of you.. You’re gonna become a CEO one day I SEE IT IN YOU!”

You may just be a part of a stepping stone in the midst of this journey towards where I want to be, what I’ve longed to be. Along with the guys I’ve met after you, and the same with the ones I met before you. The ones that I had a falling out with, I guess you can say, it’s part of this journey I’m in. 

Everyday is a learning lesson, just as much as these experiences, is an opportunity to bring me closer to who I strive to be, a better understanding of life, and a stronger connection towards myself. The goodness, love, trust I continue to manifest within me, in hopes of inspiring the world they can be that too. 

To be Good.

To be Kind.

Forgiving.

and that self-love, is truly important. 

The love you manifest within is what you portray out there. If you are harsh to yourself, the more likely you channel that through your relationships. If you are kind to yourself, the more likely you are genuine with your relationships.

Anyways. 

In regards to what I feel about you. I’ve blocked you because you did it again. You come unannounced claiming for a friend to talk to. Aggressively asking may I add, the most commanding, rude way even. 

All to vent about a girl. 

ouch, by the way, motherfucker. anyways

I reckon, I got the impression that I was yet again to aid you by reassurance, company, and comfort. I don’t think you realize how much you were using me for your convenience. 

I don’t think you know how I really feel about you.

Maybe I just haven’t found a connection stronger than what we had. There’s a quote I stumbled upon online “chills you never forget”

I felt that. literally.

As shitty, as toxic, as negative you are I’m certain in between this love affair we had, help me be certain

it was once genuine. That feeling, when we’ve reached our peak, I felt the most intense I’ve ever had. Intense enough I wanted to run away from you

We didn’t have sex, it was frightening since I knew it was going to be harder to cut things off.

At one pivotal moment, after the deep conversations and exchange of vulnerability, wisdom, and genuine connection after the platonic status

when it felt like something strong, and good.

I’m just wondering if you felt that too.

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Close enough

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"She said that she liked the taste of my kisses. She used to whisper that my breath smelled like a weird yet funny mixture of cigarettes and coffee. Then, she slowly explained, like if it was no big deal, that my lips were the nicotine she was addicted to, and my tongue the caffeine that kept her up. Now she kisses another man, with another breath, another tongue to taste. And again i find myself all alone on the rooftop, drinking coffee to stay awake and smoking some cigarettes, trying to forget that we used to wait for the sunset like I’m doing at the moment. And now i have that painfully familiar taste in my mouth again. But no one to share it with.”

Diego, “Town of the Colossus” (via wnq-writers)

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