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OLYMPE!! SUSPECTED P*********??

BREAKING NEWS: A member of the Estates-General has published an eyewitness account by Antoine Griezmann (member of the public).

Olympe has been prostituting herself to other members of the council in return for votes. Antoine can be quoted as follow:

"I just found out that that Olympe was actually the illegitimate daughter of Jean-Jacques Lefranc, Marquis de Pompignan??? Following in the footsteps of her mother, I found out that Olympe has been prostituting herself to other members of the council in return for their votes of support. Chief among them is Jean Marie Roland, who has been blindly following whatever Olympe has been saying because he has been seduced by her, and Jerome, who has enjoyed the favours provided. In fact, a little bird told me that Olympe has SEX with Jerome in the hallowed chambers of the Estate General! This is absolutely unbecoming of this woman and I absolutely disapprove."

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A NIGHT OF FRATERNISATION

What is a night in Paris without a little bloodshed? Parisians would have been shocked (or not) to hear of yet another clash between Roland’s troops from the 2nd Infantry Regiment sent to arrest de Gouge, and members of de Gouge’s Personal Protection Unit. Swords were drawn, guns were waved, and ultimately, lives were lost. And once again, for what? Are we Parisians satisfied with the number of lives being lost, not even to save a man - to save a woman? 

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East Timor Crisis Out of Control—Indonesia Government Completely Wiped Out

Ever since Suharto was overthrown, the Indonesian government had been in a constant state of turmoil: internal strife continuously paralysed the highest echelon of the Indonesian government, the People’s Consultative Assembly, rendering them unable to effectively solve any of the problems they had inherited from their predecessor government, nor able to pass any substantive legislation that truly changed the terrible living situation of ordinary citizens. 

Despite ample time and opportunities to solve the myriad of issues that had arisen over the course of their time in office, cabinet members had merely idled around and engaged in petty personal disputes with their fellow politicians instead of trying to bring about real reforms. 

It is thus no wonder that the country is in shambles, with truly abysmal standards of living and an inflation rate so high it has never been seen before in the course of history. Claims by cabinet members of having had “everything under control” quickly proved to be false as the East Timor crisis threatened to spill over into mainland Indonesia.

Many had hoped that the reformasi period of relative political openness and transition would help alleviate tension between Indonesia and East Timor, but to everyone’s disbelief, the incompetent cabinet had instead only made everything worse. 

The Indonesian people watched in shock as their government sat back and did absolutely nothing to address the ballooning catastrophe. While politicians like Habibie and Wahid continued to focus on irrelevant things like establishing restaurant chains and religious-movie-screening mosques, and others tried seeing through multiple assassination attempts on political opponents but to no avail, discontent brewed amongst the people of Indonesia, who had to experience their currency depreciate violently and their homes and livelihoods be systematically razed to the grounds by looters and rioters. 

In a last-ditch attempt to resolve the crisis in some way at the absolute last moment possible, the Indonesian government desperately tried to sell East Timor to the United Nations, naively believing that the international organisation would want to purchase a territory worthless by virtue of the turmoil and instability it was experiencing. 

It did not come as a surprise that the offer was instantly shut down. The UN High Commission for Human Rights lambasted the atrocious living conditions that both ordinary Indonesians and the East Timorese were experiencing, expressing bewilderment and condemnation at how it was even possible for a government to further escalate a tense situation that could have been diffused in a timely manner and turn it into a major uncontrolled calamity.

As the world watched on in horror, hoping for the Indonesian government to do something useful, anything at all, the unsuspecting Indonesian cabinet chose to pass a legislation on how ministers should act in council instead—they seemed to have come up with a Code of Conduct for the sole purposes of preventing corruption, bribery, further assassination attempts on each other, and for their own peace of minds. 

Unbeknownst to them, as they debated and fought over whether or not to pass their useless Ministerial Code of Conduct legislation, the East Timor separatists were gaining ground, easily overpowering the local police force who were at a loss at what to do or where to mobilise due to a lack of executive orders. As the politicians stiffly celebrated the passing of their legislation, the East Timor separatists had arrived at the parliament building.

The coup d’etat was here.

East Timor separatists proceeded to storm the parliament building, shooting and killing almost everyone on sight. By the end of the bloodbath, almost all members of the woefully unprepared and surprised members of cabinet were dead, except for a select few for whom they had a burning hatred for. 

The following few politicians were deemed by the separatists to be responsible for bringing down the good name of Indonesia, and gruesome public executions were planned for them: Habibie, Megawati, Wahid and Hamid.

Habibie was the only one who narrowly escaped with his life, but due to his promiscuous behaviour, he contracted an incurable STD and died. His body was then further desecrated by the Sex Workers Union of Indonesia as revenge for all his requests to defame his political opponents by using their prostitutes as scapegoats.

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East Timor, A Trailblazer for Independence

TEMPO - With the East Timor Crisis spiralling out of control, officials in the cabinet are still butting heads and running around like headless chickens. The lack of consensus on how to approach the demands of East Timor’s prevailing rebel group has doomed the government. Around the country, many other revolutionary groups alike have noted the inaction of the government and have assumed that the government is unlikely to take further action on other similar rebel groups. The rebellion has grown out of hand and regions are launching their own independence campaign.

This spells the fall of Indonesia as we know it. Nationalism is at its all time low. At this current moment, the cabinet itself is proposing that the UN buyout East-Timor to solve their own nation’s crisis. 

Let us hear what the people of Indonesia has to say about this.

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Leaked Popularity Report 

Intelligence Report [CONFIDENTIAL]

CURRENT POPULARITY STANDINGS (in order from most to least popular amongst the people)

Amien Rais 

Siswono Yudo Husodo

Megawati Sukarnoputri, Abdurrahman Wahid 

Joko Wiranto 

B.J Habibie

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PRESS RELEASE BY SARWONO

I have officially split from my previous political party, Golkar, due to personal disagreements.

It is my hope that the people of Indonesia can support my new party, the Indonesian Progress Party.

Your welfare is my welfare. Allah bless.

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Assassination Attempt on Megawati Thwarted

An assassination attempt on Megawati has been successfully reported by her team of bodyguards and the instigator has been revealed to be Lt. Gen. Hamid. The elite bodyguards guarding the interim president instantly alerted the police to the plot by Hamid to kill Megawati in any way possible, including by poisoning her in an airtight room using concentrated carbon monoxide, planting explosives in her car and shooting her in the head should all else fail. 

When threatened with legal action by the bodyguards whom Hamid falsely assumed to be loyal to him, he desperately attempted to secure their loyalty by offering them 10000 in credits, but this too failed. 

Hamid has not given any comments on his treasonous act yet.

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East Timor - Taking a Turn For The Better?

Following the capture of Dili, the capital of Timor-Leste, the Indonesian government  has contacted the rebel groups in hopes of quelling the situation in East Timor. The government has withdrawn 50% of military troops from Dili and is hoping to negotiate with the rebel leaders to discuss the best way forward for both parties. Several government officials have also pledged to raise money to provide humanitarian aid to the starving citizens. We hope that this situation can reach a consensus once and for all but for now, all we can do is pray. 

Allah Bless Us All.

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15 October 1999

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Habibie and Wiranto, Joint Commanders 

15 October 1999

Intelligence Report [Confidential]

Contents: With the motion of no confidence passing through the council with an overwhelming majority, Habibie has been deposed of the Presidency. Now, he has been reassigned to be the joint commander of ABRI along with Wiranto. Habibie and Wiranto now jointly have direct command controls to all principal operational commands, and will play a significant influence in military policy moving forward. 

It is a step down, but yet a fulfilling, deserving job for the once-mighty President of Indonesia.

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PRESS RELEASE BY WAHID

I stay firm on my stance of no or minimal military in East Timor.

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PRESS RELEASE BY AKBAR TANDJUNG

The press release by Sudrajat, Sutrisno, Megawati and Habibie failed to take into consideration the context in which the words were spoken. When the quote was spoken, I was referring to the insurgents in East Timor. This is an attempt to draw attention away from Habibie’s multiple scandals. It is a sly and cunning attempt by the parties involved to conduct a quick and easy cover up of Habibie’s misdemeanours. The continued attempts of Habibie to cause discourse and unrest in council needs to be addressed. It is imperative for this to be addressed after the more pressing issues in East Timor have been resolved. The Golkar party works for the people of Indonesia. We are with the people.

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Sex Workers Union Statement

On behalf of the sex workers of Indonesia, we are SICK of being hired by various politicians to ruin other politicians’ reputations. 

We have been contacted by all sorts of politicians looking to use our services, including Habibie, Megawati, Ginandjar, Amien Rais, to provide male prostitutes for the sole purpose of seducing other politicians. STOP THIS. We are overworked and exhausted.

WE ARE NOT GETTING ENOUGH COMPENSATION FOR HOW MUCH THE PEOPLE OF INDONESIA HATE US NOW.

Cease contacting us immediately or we will reveal every single one of your requests to defame your fellow cabinet members. 

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PRESS RELEASE BY SARWONO

The press release is to censure Habibie's latest press release where he has been blocking facts brought up against his innocence by me and my PI which clearly states his wrongdoings. He is blatantly lying to hide his involvement and whatever he says is no longer viable. Join me and take action against the degenerate and complete the mission of this council at the start, to clear up corruption.

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PRESS RELEASE BY AKBAR TANDJUNG

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE—

As Chairman of Golkar, I, Akbar Tandjung, condemn the actions of Habibie.

We would also like to see Habibie held responsible for his independent actions.

This incident does not reflect Golkar's true intentions and core values. We're deeply taken aback by his actions and we will work together to make sure he is held accountable.

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PRESS RELEASE BY HABIBIE

I believe that there have been many attempts to defame me, and accuse me of defaming my political opponents. I urge all to not listen to the baseless accusations against me and focus on the underlying issues at hand, ie the East Timor Crisis. I will be looking into the people who had framed me in this unfortunate incident and will take the necessary action against them. As for the loss of the 6 lives who have unexpectedly become entwined with the internal strife within our cabinet, I will be giving each family of the deceased 900 credits as remuneration as well as some financial aid to tide them through these times. It is unfortunate that such an issue has happened especially during a crisis where the East Timorese are staging an uprising. However, we need to be aware that we should not be bringing internal strife into civilian matters and we should be settling our differences amicably. I hope that we can set this matter behind us before moving on to settle the issue of the East Timor Crisis.