peonyleaf

[peonyleaf]

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[peonyleaf]

[peonyleaf]

had the bestttt weeked w my friends in college city!! we went to an international food festival, went for ice cream, i visited one of my friend's kid (who's SO big??? she was born literally yesterday and now she's speaking??), then to the mall where i bought a new highlighter, had some boba and went to the movies, AND THEN this morning i went for a swim and then had lunch with another friend and visited her foster kittens who are like less than a month old. life CAN be magical. you literally have to be the magician though

[peonyleaf]

everyone had that one guy at their wizard school said edgy shit like "dark magic is just misunderstood, not evil" that ended up wanted in three countries for necromancy

[peonyleaf]

the epic highs and lows of things that don't really matter to anyone but you

[peonyleaf]

one thing about me i am pettier

[peonyleaf]

thinking about how much work i could get done if i would do it

[peonyleaf]

"All monsters must die bloody, and by a hero's hands, and soon," he says over brunch.

He doesn't think it's a rude thing to say in front of a monster. There are no rude things to say to monsters, only rude things monsters say.

"Don't worry," she says between bites, "You're one of the good ones."

"But I am still a monster," I do not say. I do not say that I love my claws and teeth, my prehensile shadow and my glowing eyes. That I cannot imagine giving them up even for survival, that to hide my shadow and trim my claws for them makes me feel diminished. In public I cannot say that I do not wish to be human.

They're progressives, this bunch, even if he carries a hero's banner with its proud history and none of them ask him to put it away. They know there are good monsters, monsters who can speak eloquently and hold the fork right, monsters you can be seen with in public. Some of their best friends are monsters.

They do not know the monster who is invited to brunch knows solidarity with the monster who is not. Believes and understands the monster who is not invited more than the human who does the inviting.

"Isn't that a little harsh?" says a third human, and I have not forgotten I am outnumbered. "We have ways of killing monsters without blood now, painlessly. And, of course, a monster should be allowed to live if it never growls."

He has never seen me growl. Yet how loudly and endlessly I will, when I'm out of earshot. He's talking about killing monsters who cannot stoop to civility, about mother and brother and lover who were never able to mute themselves like me, and does he not know how small a child who can only growl is?

"To growl is not to kill," I say, and all heads turn toward me. It is one of those rude things monsters say.

[peonyleaf]

i have too much joie de vivre for this

[peonyleaf]

high paying jobs for women who have no work ethic and like to dillydally

[peonyleaf]

how life feels when you go alone to see a fun movie and when you leave the cinema the sun is still out

[peonyleaf]

me realizing im so young and that i can ask for help and that its not all my fault and that i didnt do anything wrong and that i deserve to be treated well and that suffering is not a given and that i have time i have so much time

[peonyleaf]

“holding grudges isn’t good for you” yeah well neither is people hurting me and getting away w/ it so here we are

[peonyleaf]

Be honest do you think that actually learning things in high school is important

yeah dude or else youre gonna be that coworker people post about

[peonyleaf]

my heart fell out while i was on a walk through the forest and it got covered in pine needles and then an osprey picked it up but she dropped it in the sea and the fish ate a hole straight through it before it was washed ashore and when i found it again chamomiles were growing in the cavity. i put it back inside of me and now the world seems stranger and more beautiful than ever

[peonyleaf]

the biggest lesson im learning is that nothing is as extreme or as permanent as our emotions convince us they are. nothing is certain and things are always fluctuating and there are always exceptions and there are always mistakes. there is always pain and there is always love. everything is a delicate touch away from changing

[peonyleaf]