pennedfromtheheart

[pennedfromtheheart]

Feeling so relatable today

[pennedfromtheheart]

“Imagine that your body is the body of someone who needs your care, like an infant. It feels weird and wrong to a lot of us at first, but give it a try. Instead of just looking at your body to evaluate her well-being (we know that you can’t tell anything about a person’s health by the shape or size of their body), turn to her and ask her how she feels: “What’s wrong, honey? Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired? Lonely?” She can definitely tell you, if you listen. You might have to stop what you’re doing, take a slow breath, focus on the sensation of your weight on the floor or the chair, and actually ask out loud, “What do you need?” You may receive the answer as an instantaneous knowing, or as a physical sensation you need to interpret, or as words in your mind. But she will give you an answer. Though the details of her needs change as you grow—How much sleep, and when? Loving attention from whom? What kind of food?—the fundamentals do not. Your body needs to breathe and to sleep. She needs food. She needs love. She dies without them. And there is nothing she has to do, no shape or size she has to be, before she “deserves” food and love and sleep. It’s not her fault if she’s sick or injured. She’s still the astonishing creature she was on the day she was born, a source of joy for those who care about her. She’s yours. She’s you.”

Emily Nagoski

[pennedfromtheheart]

Attitudes... a note from a friend

Attitudes are self-created. You are free to choose to be victimized by circumstances or people, or you can choose to look at life with an open mind and be victorious. No one else can choose your attitude for you. Your perspective and choice of attitude gives you the power to be in control. 

That is the essence of true freedom. 

[pennedfromtheheart]

Expectations...

A question that’s been boggling my mind lately is “what exactly is the meaning of too much of expectations”? You often here people say things like , “you cant expect much”, “your expectations are too high”, “you’ll be disappointed if you have expectations” and I too have been guilty of imposing such sentiments in my mind. But what does that even mean?! Having expectations has been deemed so negatively. And I feel like we could be going about this the wrong way - including myself. 

We place expectations on ourselves and people on a regular, day to day basis. And they do the same for us. 

Scenario: Stranger walking pass you on the street, you expect him/her to not randomly curse at you. If they were to do so, there would be consequences : either you’re caught off guard and emotionally affected by it, or it blows out into an intense screaming match between you and said stranger or a few aggravated exchange of words take place. Why you may wonder? Because the societal constructs have told us time and time again that this kind of behavior it not acceptable. 

Expectation = Human Decency. 

Now take those expectations of human decency and put them into your daily relationships : family, friends, peers, partners, co-workers etc. This is where having expectations gets the most tricky. Fortunately or Unfortunately, expectations exist with each one of these people that you surround yourself with or are surrounded by. Why you may wonder? Because we have constructed the rights and wrongs of human decency for ourselves. And more often than not, these constructs have been subconsciously or consciously put in place because of experiences one has gone through or witnessed and those that have and have not resonated well. 

I think an expectation is a gateway for commitment and conversations about the requirements of each person in a relationship  (whichever kind) - it is a starting point for change. It’s an entry point to a deeper relationship. 

So, I think it’s most definitely okay to have expectations. It’s okay for someone to ask the best from you,  and you ask for the best from the other. The human decency element would be to give your all and the least bit try. But the journey of those expectations being met or falling short is part of living right? It’s the ebb and flow of life. 

But maybe its never been about “having expectations”. Maybe its about understanding. Understanding what needs to be done next when those expectations are not met or are conveyed. Like “okay, what do we do now?”

Expectations are how we learn. Expectations teach us what we have to give , what we need, how we love, how we hurt, how we care and when it’s time to walk away, cleanse, detox or realign. 

[pennedfromtheheart]

Simple Gestures, Simple Reminders,

[pennedfromtheheart]

Happiness...

They say that happiness is what happens when you go to bed in the hottest night of the summer, a night so hot you can’t even wear a t-shirt and you sleep on top of the sheets instead of under them, although TRY to sleep is probably more accurate.

And then, at some point, late late at night, say just before dawn, the heat finally breaks and the night turns cold and when you briefly wake up, you notice that you’re almost chilly, and in your groggy, half consciousness, you reach over and pull the sheet around and just that flimsy sheet makes it warm enough and you drift back off into a deep sleep.

And it’s that reaching, that gesture, that reflex we have to pull what is warm - whether it’s something or someone - towards us. That feeling we get when we do that, that feeling of being safe in the world and ready for sleep, THAT’s happiness or at least one way I could describe it.

[pennedfromtheheart]

Thank you for the lessons...

Ringing in the new year in style.

What a year right?! The uncertainties, the curveballs - one after another, the feelings of being stuck, unaccomplished, demotivated, losing hope yet being hopeful, the anxiety, the rock bottoms, the dark clouds and thunder storms with no end to it.

Speaking for myself, 2020 has been a clear testament to a few things amongst many.

1. Look in places outside of obvious material forms and you’ll find plenty to be thankful for, even in the most challenging times. 2. Your parents are gems! Protect them at all costs - mentally and emotionally, specifically. 3. You can get through any $#!T hole with solid family and adopted family and I’m lucky to be blessed with both. 4. Be patient and in due time you’ll see the silver lining. But don’t forget the effort that goes with it, although it may be frustrating at times. 5. Things never go to plan - we knew that but just not the “2020” way 6. Patience is a virtue and so is taking the time to understand people and where they come from 7. Be kind to everyone, even on your worse days - but it’s okay if sometimes you can’t be. The right ones will understand. (But don’t take that for granted) 8. It’s okay to not be okay 9. Always get back up and March on 10. Always come through for yourself cause there’s no greater strength than the one that is in you.

I am grateful for the ones that stuck by me, wallowed with me and laughed through the confusion with me. The ones with whom turns were taken to listen and console. The ones who shared their wisdom and coping mechanisms. The ones who put a smile on my face on bad days they didn’t even know I was having. The chosen ones and the ones that chose me.

This years been a year of thankfulness for family, friends and for getting by with a few invisible battle scars. Proud of everyone who showed up and came through for themselves no matter what.

[pennedfromtheheart]

To the man who...

To the man who told me that being motivated,  driven to build a career,  a foundation for myself, establish stability, marry a man who supports me in the same is high expectations, think again. Its called standards. Something you surely would not understand as you believe a woman’s place is in the kitchen, in the bedroom and at home.

To the man who thinks a woman should and will always be number 2, I pity your mother, for she, the woman who overcame 9 months of challenges you will never understand,  pushed you into this world, and gave her life to bring you up is undermined and undervalued  by you, her son.

To the man who thinks a girl should not expect to find a man who will support her dreams and identity, I pity your daughter for she has no male role model in her life and she will forever believe her place in society is what you say it should be. I pity her for she will never see her father gleaming with pride for the strong woman she could grow up to be. I pity her for she will never hear her father say that she is the strongest woman on this planet and she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to. I pity her for she will never know what it feels like to be supported by her father as she works to make her dreams come true. I pity her for as long as she is with you, she will believe her worth is less than it actually is. I pity her for she will not know her potential because you will tell her otherwise. 

But I hope to god someone will come along one day, whether the partner she marries or a friend, or even better - herself, and asks her to believe, spread her wings, soar high and become the best version of herself - with success and confidence. I hope to god the man she marries will tell her that her place in society and in his life is beyond a household. I hope she is told that she is unstoppable. And I pray she comes to a place in society and her life where you will one day look up to her and tell her you were wrong and that you are proud of the strong woman she is and everything she has accomplished.

To the man who thinks a woman can never be career driven, independent and a provider to the family, I pity you for your ego has broken you so bad that a strong, independent woman scares you and intimidates you. I pity you for you fear a strong woman will treat you just the way you treat them and place them in society. I hope you step foot on a plane flown by a female pilots, be treated by female doctors and have many encounters led by strong accomplished women.

To the man who says a man who steps into a kitchen is less of a man and is weak, I pity you, for you will never see the smile upon your wife’s face as she is pampered with breakfast in bed and made to feel special.

To the man who told me that my way of thinking will lead me to an unsuccessful marriage and life, your opinion is another one in a million that will not stop me, but will only fuel the fire I already have burning in me to get to where I want to be.

To the man who said all of the above, I pity you, I pity you for the box you have put yourself in. i pity you for you will never truly experience the pride all fathers, husbands, brothers, grandfathers feel for their wives, daughters, grand daughters, sisters, and all their accomplishments, whether big or small.

I pity you for you will never see beyond the box you have put yourself in and witness the great minds and capabilities of women unravel in front of you or beside you.

[pennedfromtheheart]

It all starts somewhere...

So here I am, writing a post on a newly built blog or site, or whatever you call it really. A place to make sense of the thoughts in my head, or the emotions that are drawn from life’s events... or even just a space to rant! 

A place to pen my thoughts from my heart and mind.. 

So, there's really no specific purpose of this blog - but if it was to have one, I hope to have shared some  food for thought to even the one person who may across this page. 

To anyone who comes along this journey, I hope you are doing okay! And don't forget, there is always light at the end of a tunnel, and that light is within you <3