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[peedamoomee]

i saw your ex today at a cafe and weirdly it triggered me. she’s really pretty and slim! you were on my mind a lot today for a few reasons. being added to that gc for the hangout was interesting because as soon as i saw you were in it i knew i wasn’t planning to go to whichever function was being held. i just can’t and don’t want to be around you. also because there is free mixing and alcohol there and hardly any of my real friends were gonna be there. so i figured i wouldn’t go. when i woke up at 4am for fajr this morning I went on instagram and you were the first face i saw… seems like the banff trip already  happened. i totally thought that would be later in the summer but oh well! it’s crazy to see how you’ve become to close with people who i introduced you to although now we don’t even speak to each other. you’re probably hanging out with them rn and having fun. which is good for you. i’m glad. it’s great that since we broke up you have been able to make friends with these people. you’ll probably end up being closer with them than i ever was. i joked once that you will now replace me in all of their functions and although you said u couldn’t i think it’s for the best. i won’t be free mixing anymore. i’ll only see the girls when it’s just them hanging out, but i don’t wish to be around any of the boys especially because you will also be there around them. and that’s not something i want to deal with and a situation i want to put myself in.

then when i fell back asleep i had a dream you and i were with your mom and she was telling me how rude i was and that she didn’t like me and how i never ate with your family or greeted them or tried to become close with them and it upset me so much in the dream. i felt so bad. i feel like i was such a bad girlfriend in your family’s eyes. i probably wasn’t what they pictured their son to be dating and for a girl with a hijab to be with him was even more odd. i always felt uncomfortable around them because i felt like they were weird around me. i’m so embarrassed that i stuck around for as long as i did. i don’t really think i was wanted that much! it’s so embarrassing. anyway. your ex is such a pretty girl really. i was surprised. anyway. i don’t think you and i ever fit each other at all. we were too different in too many ways. i don’t really listen to bossa nova or frank ocean that often. she probably did. i think she must have been more similar to you. what did you and i even have in common?? what benefit did i even bring to your life? she honestly should’ve been the one who dated you, because you guys would’ve been able to have a more real relationship that was genuine and would’ve made sense in peoples eyes. i think your parents would’ve liked her a lot and so would your family and it would make more sense. to be honest, i don’t think i ever fit into your life. and although i like who i am, sometimes i wish i could change who i was to be with you. but i don’t think it was ever meant to be me. i think ill be a stain on your dating history because we were never meant to be together. i’m so embarrassed that i tried to make it work for so long and im so sad and regretful that i hurt you how i did. i wish i could’ve given you a better longer relationship instead of wasting your time. you deserve to be with a beautiful girl who just fits you. i never did. i couldn’t even if i tried. you were never even mine LOL.

[peedamoomee]