peechicorn

[peechicorn]

hi, it’s been a while.

[peechicorn]

saint omer (2022)

[peechicorn]

I have so much I want to tell you, and nowhere to begin.

J.D. Salinger, Raise High the Roofbeam, Carpenters; Seymour: An Introduction

[peechicorn]

“Slow fold of year into year, past into fiction.”

— Felicity Plunkett, from “Sunturn”, A Kinder Sea

[peechicorn]

“Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing.”

— Elizabeth Gilbert

[peechicorn]

“All you can do in life is to be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all.”

— Rita Mae Brown

[peechicorn]

I’m always thinking if I’m going to be the person who should understand everything always? It’s a bit tiring actually. I want to free myself from being chained to those who are around me. Sometimes, I just want to tell them I’m getting tired. But I can’t.

[peechicorn]

“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as you see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”

— Stacey Charter

[peechicorn]

I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath 1982

[peechicorn]

[peechicorn]

“Time always exposes what you mean to someone.”

— Unknown

[peechicorn]

“Listen closely to the songs I play, because the lyrics speak the words I fail to say.”

— Unknown

[peechicorn]

“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future,stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding exactly what we want, and just see what happens.”

—

[peechicorn]

[peechicorn]

Hole; A taboo

It is already 11 in the evening, and I am holding the man that I really care in my arms. Not planning on letting him go.

Him: Hey. *laughs* I really need to sleep.

Me: Hey.

Him: Yeah?

Me: Is it okay? To hold you like this, I mean.

I hugged him tighter. I do not want him to be out of my sight. I want us to be like this, forever.

Him: You can hug me like that always.

Me: Yeah right. *loosen my hug* good night.

Him: *Kisses me in the cheek and forehead* good night, Marsh. I love you.

I did not respond. I think he is lying. He knows we cannot hug each other like that. He knows we cannot have each other. I think we are in grave full of living. Sometimes, I am thinking maybe if we hadn’t been so close, I would not fall into this hole. The hole that is already big to get out easily.

Him: Hey? Are you okay?

I’m not okay. I do not know where did I go wrong to be in this path. But I know I’m one of the contributors to this consequence.

Me: *Forcibly nod* Yeah. Just a bit tired, good night. Love you.

He kiss the back of my hand and silently close the door for him to not get caught being with me. At the end, I have no choice. I get myself in this hole, and now I need to get out by myself.

[peechicorn]

Me: I badly want to go to our province!

Quarantine: Hello! (*waves hand*)

Me: Uh-oh.

[peechicorn]

ECQ

Everything change the moment this happened.