peachiithoughtss

[peachiithoughtss]

4/13/2023

I'm feeling creative again.

I've been dabbling into creative writing again and it feels really good. I stopped for a while because I hit a rut in my life - a deep depression that stopped any kind of creative flow. For a while, I was disappointed in myself, never picking up a pen and paper or even typing anything up in a Word document, simply because I was just wallowing in despair. As dramatic as that sounds, that's basically what it was. I was pitying myself, feeling so sorry for myself that I was losing my creative touch that I didn't have the motivation to write again. But because I'm doing well in life again, I started writing again and I'm feeling very grateful. It has been a while, so it's quite rusty, but I'm still proud. Although no one will ever see my creative writing, not even J, I'm still very proud of what I'm doing. It's almost like an outlet for me, especially because I'm so bad at articulating my thoughts verbally. I can say whatever I want and feel confident in what I'm saying when I'm typing or writing. Lately, creative writing has been an outlet for me to just get away from real life. Some might say I'm trying to run away from real life, and maybe I am. Maybe I'm subconsciously afraid of something in my real life that I don't want to think about or bring up, so I use creative writing as a medium to escape it for just a moment. But honestly, I don't mind it because it gives me a sense of relief in a way. I can get away from the stresses of real life, become a character I've created even for just a brief moment, and run away into their lives and live in that moment. And once I'm done living vicariously through them, I can breathe a sigh of relief and go back to my real life and just live it. I've found a happy medium between running away into a character's dramatic, action-packed life and my real life that I'm feeling rather satisfied with myself. I've also found enjoyment in re-reading my old stuff. Even though some of it is cringe-worthy because of my writing lol, I can also see the growth in my writing and that makes me feel good too. I like writing and I'm disappointed in myself for allowing my mental health to affect that - but I suppose that's part of life anyway. It's what you do with it after the fact that really shows who you are as a person. And again, no one will ever know the growth I've gone through in my writing, simply because I don't really plan on ever sharing it with anyone (which is okay with me), but I know. And that's more than enough for me.

[peachiithoughtss]

4/8/2023

I'm doing well. Like really well.

I'm beginning to realize that people are right when they say that if things are going well in your life, you don't feel the need to post much on the internet lol. I've been writing a lot in journals but I've been feeling like using something digital to keep track of my thoughts lately.

Things have been going well. I moved in with J and we've already spent about 5 months in our new home together. I hate to say it, but I feel a lot safer and more comfortable in our home than I did with my family. I love my family dearly, but it was hard living with them. I've felt as though I've been getting closer to them after I left their roof and I don't regret a single thing. I speak to them daily still and we've grown closer because of it. I think the space has given us a chance to live our own lives and be able to give us the opportunity to miss each other and be able to get closer every time we do see each other.

I'm actually genuinely happy with my life. Of course, there will always be things I need to work on, but for the most part, everything has been calm and I think that's what I needed in my life. J gives me the peace that I need and as far as I know, that's all I need at the moment. My job is relaxing (for the most part lol) and my coworkers are great. I'm finally in a company that treats us like human beings and has a low turnover rate because of the fact that they're being treated right. I've become close friends with my coworkers and I cherish their friendship through and through.

I think I'm at that point in my life where I don't really care about something if it doesn't either a) bring me peace or b) bring any positive value to my life. I've come across a lot of people who are miserable and a lot of it is due to the fact that they worry so much about the things that stress them our or make them upset. They tend to dwell on things that shouldn't even matter to them because they need to learn to let things go. A lot of people think I'm nonchalant or don't care, but in all honesty, it's genuinely just because I don't have time in my life anymore to be dwelling on things don't bring me positive energy.

I want to start focusing on things that will positively affect me in the long run. A lot of people stress and worry about things that won't matter a week or a month from now. I wish people can start looking at the bigger picture of things and start focusing on things that will help them become a better person at the end of the day.

I like the life I'm living now; I'm at peace, I'm comfortable, and I genuinely enjoy living again.

I don't want to deal with anything that will take that away from me again.