peachazara - Tumblr blog

[peachazara]

Anyways I got a new job after being laid off lol..I applied for low income housing/rent.

I'm going to move out as soon as I receive notification.

I am going to be financially smarter and take care of myself.

I'm going to work on myself, heal and enjoy life....

I'm going to live.

[peachazara]

i blocked a lot of childhood trauma....but as an adult, I remember more and more..I am able to understand that how I was treated was wrong and that I was innocent but really gaslighted to believe I deserved it or I was the problem.

Tell me how a mother can gaslight their child into believing that a mother giving death threats to their own child...and making stabbing motions with a knife at my face....how is that the fault of a child?

That as a child getting beat up by a sibling is because I "obviously did something to make him do that"....this was excused for years. Months ago I found out my grandma spoke up to my mom about how I would bend over and let my brother beat me so I could protect myself...but let him finish....and like really my mom never disciplined him for beating me for years and years.

That "why are you depressed, you have nothing to be depressed about"......(context: for what my mm was aware of i was beaten and often exposed to violence between parents)

That I was blamed for everything bad...

That I got slapped for throwing up food when I had a sickness where i threw up everything i ate for a week and my mother didn't bother taking me to the hospital because she thought it wasn't serious.

That I would cry and scream and rip my dress as a kid because I wanted to sleep but my mom wanted to stay and party at weddings till 4 am. My father would yell at my brother and I saying this is the last wedding we ever going to because we are ungreatful and horrible children.

That when i was finally building enough trust with my mother, at 16 i told her about one of the many traumas I experienced when I was 12...when my cousin tried to suffocate me in my sleep and coerced me to jump off the balcony, but luckily my other cousin woke up before i did it......Her reaction "That was so long ago, why is that bothering you... why do you hate my family so much?" That time I was testing her....i revealed a small thing and wanted to reveal how i was S.A since I was a toddler to pre-teen by her so-called family....but I just never did because of her reaction....She broke the trust between us further.

There are good parts of our relationship but the bad parts are so ugly to me...its hard to heal.

[peachazara]

Anok Yai by Ana Takahashi

[peachazara]

desi parents will watch 3 idiots multiple times and love it and then go and force their kids to study something they have no interest in

[peachazara]

[peachazara]

I’m honestly livid...at this injustice....like i don’t care when people are assholes to me....but when i see a hard working person...who has literally been going through so much shit and still working hard be shit on 

Its fucking on...I’m fighting for this person. idc. fuck this whole company. 

[peachazara]

the general population’s education of indigenous american cultures is literally painful like people walk around not knowing that native americans domesticated dogs and turkeys, that many communities had farms that stretched for hundreds of miles, that many communities had completely terraformed their territories, that there were native trade systems stretching across the continent, that there were native metalsmiths before european arrival, that most native people were multilingual etc

[peachazara]

Anyways misogyny is still well and alive in even the most “cultured” of places....really bought their bullshit and now the reeking scent of performative activism smacked me in the face....

[peachazara]

i really got 3 offers to leave this god forsaken company and blew it over a project that never got published...and was redone by my manager

[peachazara]

I didn’t know therapy was so much work lol I got overwhelmed and stopped doing it after 2 sessions….

[peachazara]

Oh she gets it

[peachazara]

[peachazara]

honestly it all went down hill once bighit became hybe

[peachazara]

bruh can hybe chill their ass....like let sm be sm....

[peachazara]

RED VELVET’s 4th Concert ‘R to V’ Poster

[peachazara]

[peachazara]

The Handmaiden (2016) dir. Park Chan-wook