peacejoyhealth

[peacejoyhealth]

This may not look like much, but it brings my heart such joy.

My dear mother made this little sewing kit for me, and here's what I think of when I look at it:

1) Quality. My mom invested in good quality things. This zija tea is great for your health!

2) Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. Before "minimalism" and "zero waste life" were branded as things (very good things!), my mom did it all like it was no big deal. Got an empty box? Use the empty box. Simple. No fuss.

3) Cursive isn't dead! I love my mom's handwriting. It pops up all over and it reminds me of how neat and mindful she was.

4) Love. When we moved back from South Africa, my mom found out I didn't have a sewing kit, so she scrounged around and found all the basics for me (I just needed to get my own scissors!). She loved sewing. I do not. But I'm so thankful for my little kit. And for someone who doesn't like sewing, I do use these little tools quite frequently.

Thanks, Mom. For all the little things.

- Hannah

[peacejoyhealth]

A Beautiful Legacy

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my wonderful mother and her legacy. 

I was talking to one of my sisters the other day about how my mom was just SO full of wisdom. Whether it was about simplifying life, managing finances, setting up good routines, gardening, or counselling, my mom could have written the book on it all. 

My mother went about her life in what seemed like a very ordinary way, but the more I look at it, the more I realize it was anything but. She was so intentional in every area of life. So dedicated. Willing to try new things. Such an encourager. Always looking for ways to better herself and the lives of those around her. 

Being a mom myself now, I think I miss her even more. There are so many times I’d love to run a phone line to heaven and ask her about sleep training, baby’s first foods, how did she make bread so well, and how did she manage to always get up before us every morning to have her own little quiet time? 

In the coming weeks and months, I’d like to use this little blog space of mine to do my best to honour mom’s legacy and to pass on her many, MANY wisdoms.

Stay tuned for more (hopefully soon)...

- HN

[peacejoyhealth]

Everything is New

It is a strange and spectacular phenomenon to share the same space as someone whom you've never met. And never having met this person, to love them so, so very much.

And these kicks. What a thing. Even at 26 weeks sometimes it feels a bit surreal that I'm brewing a little human. And the more it moves, the more my heart swells.

Oh my baby. I can't wait to meet you!

-HN

[peacejoyhealth]

Peace

I tend to be a very scatterbrained person and quite a procrastinator. I struggle with motivation and find it hard to set up good habits and routines. I doubt I’m alone.

For some reason, I tell myself I’ll do this or that, or get organized once “life calms down” - Hah! Life doesn’t calm down. Not on it’s own. So I’m trying to bring peace and calm back into my rather stressful life. 

Recently I created a dayplanner for myself. I don’t journal much and had been hesitant to make it, because I wondered if it would end up being just another hardly-used notebook on my shelf. But I finally did it. And let me tell you - I FREAKING LOVE IT. 

It’s Friday today, and I only started ‘journaling’ on Monday. It’s not so much a ‘dear diary’ type thing as it is a place for me to track things and remind me to do the things that I’m bad at doing, one of which is being quiet. I don’t mean just not talking, but really being quiet. Letting my mind rest, having no distractions and just being completely quiet. 

With the help of my journal and a couple wonderful little Apps (Calm & ChristAudio), I’ve started practicing meditation. Mostly deep breathing and mindfulness. It’s really so wonderful. Whether I take 5 or 10 minutes in the morning, or right before I go to bed, it’s so wonderful, relaxing, and refreshing to take some quiet time. 

If you haven’t ever tried meditation, I highly recommend it. And I’m not even good at it yet. 

This isn’t to say that I’m a completely at-peace person all of a sudden - that is not the case. I still have a lot of stress and anxiety, but I’m slowly learning to not let those things rule me. 

Always learning. Always growing.

-HN

[peacejoyhealth]

Time

Whoever said “time heals all wounds” was smoking something.

Thankfully I’m surrounded by wonderful people who tell it like it is: That sometimes things just suck. Time is both good and bad - it just is what it is. I’m thankful that God has placed so many wonderful people around me. Around us. 

I still feel as lost and down as ever, but perhaps not so hopeless. 

-HN

[peacejoyhealth]

Psalm 30

I will extol you, O Lord, for you have drawn me up    and have not let my foes rejoice over me. O Lord my God, I cried to you for help,    and you have healed me. O Lord, you have brought up my soul from Sheol;    you restored me to life from among those who go down to the pit.

Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints,    and give thanks to his holy name. For his anger is but for a moment,    and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night,    but joy comes with the morning.

As for me, I said in my prosperity,    “I shall never be moved.” By your favor, O Lord,    you made my mountain stand strong; you hid your face;    I was dismayed.

To you, O Lord, I cry,    and to the Lord I plead for mercy: “What profit is there in my death,    if I go down to the pit? Will the dust praise you?    Will it tell of your faithfulness?  Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me!    O Lord, be my helper!”

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;    you have loosed my sackcloth    and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.    O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

[peacejoyhealth]

It is not well

At mom's funeral we sang "It is Well with My Soul". It's a beautiful song. But here's the thing. It wasn't well with my soul. And it still isn't. Whenever I think of that song I can't wait for the words to be true. Things are far from well and my soul is not at peace. Even though I can and do enjoy the simple pleasures of life, time with family, and adventures...there is still an aching, a persistent gnawing inside. Just because mom is in heaven doesn't erase the pain she went through. It doesn't erase the memory of her painful last days. It doesn't erase the fact that she is gone. It will be well with my soul. One day.

[peacejoyhealth]

Grief is exhausting. I seem to be able to go for a few days quite fine, and then out of nowhere it hits hard and drags me down. 

I’m thankful that through everything, there is still joy in family, joy in friendship, joy in the rain and all that. But man I wish heaven had a phone line. 

[peacejoyhealth]

Words Fail

I find blogging to be a time to reflect and process information. It's especially hard to do when I don't want to process and I'd rather not reflect. I'd love to encourage and inspire, but how can I, when most of the time – even on a 'good day' – I feel weighed down by the gnawing ache of sorrow. Sure, there are times of laughter and joking around, but I feel like my joy is slowly seeping away.

I feel like nothing will be normal again. Things don't make sense. I waffle between pain, anger, and despondency.

So, I do want to blog more. I want to share my thoughts and my life. But right now I feel like all I can share is a contradiction to the title of this blog. I'm not at peace. My joy is tainted, and healthy living seems futile.

It is not yet well with my soul. - HN

[peacejoyhealth]

Reflections

I’m horrible at cultivating habits. Well, good habits anyways. I have no problem making a habit out of watching Netflix.

I’ve gotten very much out of the habit of blogging. And I miss it. It’s not so much that I feel the world is in need of my insights, but I find blogging a way to process and reflect.

So, as it’s the first day of a brand new month, I figure this is as good a time as any to start up again!

Johan and I have been back in the Great White North for almost a year now, and what a year it’s been. There have been so many struggles, blessings, frustrations, and life lessons.

Coming back was such a flurry of emotions. I struggled those first few months, just really wanting to go back to South Africa. Starting from scratch again wasn’t the most fun, but when I reflect on this past year, I think my biggest takeaway - honestly - is that we are so much more blessed than we deserve!

Through the ups and downs we’ve always had support, from each other, and especially from our family. Even this past month, as we deal with changes in work situations and battle discouragement, then we are reminded that we’re surrounded by such a giving and loving family. And friends - what friends we have! I don’t struggle meeting people, being a sometimes aggressive extrovert, but making good friends (not just acquaintances),  tends to take time - and in this area both Johan and I have been excessively blessed.

There are still many things that i struggle with, more and more lessons to be learned, good habits that need to be formed, and maturity and growth that needs to happen.

But I am blessed.

God is good. Always.

-HN

[peacejoyhealth]

Foodie Time.

I’ve been inspired as of late to get into cooking. Not just to cook - but to enjoy it. 

For so long I’ve looked at is as just this necessary task. Gotta get ‘er done, a bit tedious, causes a lot of dishes, not my favourite thing.

I think this is understandable in a way, since when one works full time it’s hard to enjoy anything after a long day at work. 

But - now that I’ve got more time on my hands, I feel ready to take on the challenge of mastering the culinary arts and other domesticities. 

I want to get good at cooking. I want to excel in meal planning. I want to be confident in making a vast assortment of dishes. 

I figure - I enjoy eating food. I so thoroughly enjoy it. And I enjoy creating and learning - so it shouldn’t be such a hard task. And yet I find myself rather daunted by culinary things. Pictures in recipe books are intimidating and the ingredients and procedures sometimes seems a bit...too detailed. 

Advice is welcome. 

[peacejoyhealth]

Life Changes

Change. It’s in the air...and man does it smell good. 

When Johan and I moved back to Canada in March, my brother - Aaron - was gracious enough to let us stay with him till we...got our on feet. That took about five months, and a good five months it was! Aaron and I have always gotten along and living with him and my man was such a fun time (we miss you already, bro!). 

But the time came, and we had to leave the nest. And so leave we did. 

Moving in my mind takes all day. Our move to two hours. 

Well, okay, packing, organizing, and unpacking was another story, but when all your older brothers have trucks and when one’s possessions are limited...it makes the job just that much more speedy. 

Let me tell you - it’s such a joy to be able to unpack without knowing you’ll have to move again in x-amount of weeks or months. I’m loving it. 

Another great change is that I’ve finally quit my temp job and have starting working part-time (which is heavenly) for church. 

I love being back to a work environment that allows for flexibility and creativity.

I’m proper psyched to start making more life changes. 

[peacejoyhealth]

Timing

I struggle with God’s timing. It seems to rarely line up with mine.

Shocking I know.

And yet when I look back I always come to the conclusion that His timing is - hands down - the bestest.

Somehow though - in the moment - I tend to forget that. 

God’s timing IS best. His plan takes time in unfolding. 

Life isn’t like a 2 hour movie that quickly develops characters, has a movie climax and a conclusion. Life is like the longest running reality show/TV drama/Sit-com with so many twists and turns, tragedies, triumphs and too many characters to keep up with.

I just need to work on embracing the fact that I’ll never know what the next scene is going to be - and that it’s okay not to know. I just need to have faith.

So here’s to being sure of what we hope for & certain of what we don’t see.

[peacejoyhealth]

Holding Loosely

Recently my laptop kicked the can. After much ado with various apparently tech savvy people - I’ve discovered that the backups from the past few years have all - let’s say - been made moot. The only files that are potentially still usable are on the hard drive of my very much deceased laptop, and will cost a pretty penny to recover.

This situation has got me thinking:

What are the things I really value most?

Are photos from the past eight years worth $1,000? 

Should I be putting so much value (and mental excursion) into earthly things?

Why am I so upset about losing things from the past? Should I not perhaps focus more on the future?

Well anyways, these have been my thoughts as of late. I’ve also had thoughts about how I’d like to deal with those responsible for this ... mess up. Those thoughts are less than productive. I suppose I’m just trying to find balance. We’re taught to hold on loosely to the things of this world - and admittedly things can bog us down. But I also don’t want to be completely unsentimental and decide that thousands of photos from the past years don’t matter. 

Sometimes I just don’t know...so here’s to not knowing.

[peacejoyhealth]

Birds

I think I’d like to be more like a bird. Not just for the obvious reason of flying, but for their whole attitude to life.

They never seem to run out of energy.

When they wake up in the morning they’re not like “Agh. Mondays!”...they just joyfully go on tweeting, chirping and occasionally dive-boming other critters to show that they can be hardcore when they need to be.

They seems to be fueled by berries and photosynthesis. 

They’re so fly.

[peacejoyhealth]

Poor Mac. (a little rant)

My Mac died a couple weeks back. It served me well. Maybe not for as long as I had hoped, but long enough. 

Alas, now - much to my chagrin - I have purchased a PC. 

Back to the dark side. Or did I leave the dark side? I don’t know. This feels like the dark side now. 

Not my first choice, but this just means that for a few years I shall endure the woes of PC and then be ever the more joyful when - one day! - I shall purchase an iMac. Ahh sweet daydreams. 

I really don’t mind PC too much, but Windows 8 - what is this madness?! I don’t like it one bit. You’re not a tablet - why you wanna look like one? Why you a touch screen? Isn’t that was a mouse is for?  You are very colourful. I like that. I also like your wide screen. Also - decals and skins seem mostly to be made for Mac. 

I will grow to love, no, tolerate, and perhaps even like, this PC. 

Time heals all wounds.

I’m sorry Mac, I’ll be back for you. 

[peacejoyhealth]

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

Ephesians 3:20-21 NIV

I read this verse today.

How amazing is it?! I love the word IMMEASUREABLY. Such lavish, extravagant, ridiculous love God gives us! I’m continually astounded by God’s character. Even when things aren’t going great…I know He has SUCH a great plan for me.

I don’t even need to write any more – this verse is so wonderful it really speaks for itself!