pavotaulait

[pavotaulait]

The Sun (Riko/Kevin)

PAST:

Every June he thinks about the cicadas. How they tremble and shutter and crack from the trees. So loud that you can’t hear them. Then again you can’t hear anything over athletic shoes on polished floors, over grunts and calls and the thuds of racquets that violently kiss black jersey’s. The body is only made to process so much and when it hits its limit things get lost. Time, pain, cicadas. 

The first time he saw them they were going to an away game. They pulled up to the gas station where the floodlight flickered like god calling and what had been dark plaster panels became white again. And Riko couldn’t move, he couldn’t offer up an excited remark like his teammates. It had never been so quiet. They say like recognizes like. screaming loud and screaming quiet. beating against the air saying “I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.” a short breath before dying as they had done what they were born to do.                                                            

“Everyone sit back in your seats.”

He can feel Kevin looking at him as he looks out the window where gas station attendants are out in sunglasses and baseball caps, handkerchiefs protecting their mouths. he wants to say something. they both do but they are both so used to Riko’s screaming quiet. Nothing happens. The tank is full and they pull away from the banks of pumps and the cloud of black falling back to the  cement.

He has always been so quiet. Sometimes Kevin has to look at Rikos mouth even when he’s shouting because it’s the master speaking, not riko. “Freshman, get the lights.”

 "Number #22 you fall into the net one more time I will break your legs myself.“ 

"Kevin go to the room.” When they first met all those years ago Riko wouldn’t talk in their room. Kevin would say enough for the both of them because his sadness needed air. Kevin had come to the nest with an aching wound while Riko came to Kevin eyes and mouth and hand so loud they never made a sound. Like no one had taught him to make the inside come out.

No he had been taught to keep the inside inside and the outside outside. Informally, by The Master. Informally, In the bedroom. So that formally on the court he was one cohesive person.

With all the extra practice Riko should have had no reason to believe he was the cicada. And yet there is no after Exy or Thirty. Kevin plans on teaching history. Maybe coaching on the side. That’s how Riko knows they aren’t really brothers despite their love. After exy the master will take back all the parts he used to build Riko , it won’t work.

Planning to not be alive after thirty doesn’t bother him as much as living beyond that would. When he was sixteen and realized this it had changed things. Punishments were bearable. extra practice did not haunt him. He may not last forever but neither will his pain. Its just another thing lost to the systemic compartmentalization of the nest.

It’s both not a long time and forever at nineteen. Eleven years. Its not bad. Riko looks at Kevin sleeping beside him from the high up cellar window, eleven more years together. He honestly couldn’t ask for more. The taller striker shifts in his sleep fisting the bottom of Riko’s nightshirt in his hand. He knows he won’t be able to go to sleep now because of the fragility of the moment. Not when he gets to decide right now what he lets in to. His eyes blink rapidly as though he were a camera shutter. ‘i can have this’ . Kevin and exy.

Riko thinks that Kevin is where all his good goes. Kevin who hates driving and  puts his socks on left then right always. Kevin who tutors him in history whenever he’s needed because Kevin will talk about what he loves and Riko remembers things from Kevin best.

He doesn’t blame Kevin for knowing what Tetsuji does to him. What the master has made him do in his room. He can’t blame Kevin for being quiet about the extra practice when Riko himself never says anything. It’s not their secret, they just don’t talk about it. The secret is that they both stay screaming quiet about it. It’s acknowledged and they move on to the Crimean wars. The fall of the Berlin wall. The truth China’s missing generation.

Kevin tells the truth so that Riko’s is just another white noise. Can it even be considered rape after all these years? Can it even be a crime if Riko’s stopped running from Tetsuji’s hands? Is he a victim after what he’s done to jean? No, He didn’t think so either. Neither does Kevin. Especially not Jean.

but that’s what Jeans for really. To know and to understand and to hate him the way he deserves when he’s dead. Not a false hero or a false brother. Just darkness replaced by light.

“ riko, stop stairin’. "Kevin lethargically pushes against his abdomen aware of his brother’s tendency to stair.  So Riko closes his eyes to keep the mauldin inside and replays past Raven games waiting for 5:30 a.m and the sun to come for him.

PRESENT:

Riko has a lot of triggers. He didn’t think he would but turns out outside of the nest its a lot all of it. less than five goals scored by himself, any meal over 1,300 calories, any school work under an A. Black Jack gum. rubbing alcohol. birthday cakes and his lower back being touched. He used to be able to tell if tetsuji was going to fuck him or beat based on which hand held his cane. and no matter where riko hide or ran to Tetsuji would always find him. like a nightmare.

kevin is biting off more than he can handle investing himself in riko who is crashing. he can’t be near a court, think of the court or exy. cognitive dissonance of saying he needs exy and the nest and his body shutting down in terror trying to preserve what is left of himself.

And wymack says, son, why are you doing this why won’t you just let Riko leave? Riko is violent and a perfectionist and so fake. 

Its always he’s my brother and the nest is evil and I owe riko. 

and the truth is all of this but more its that no one has ever chosen riko. its that tetsu had been raping riko for years and Kevin has not once stopped being afraid for Riko since he went to Evermore. See, they are one person like this. 

Its that Kevin was afraid what riko would do at 27 or 30 when he was forced to retire from exy and was left a shell of a person. “After exy? there is nothing after exy Kevin.” and his body language said nothing I can have, nothing that wouldn’t be taken from me. 

Its that for as long as Kevin has known riko he’s know and stayed quiet like riko has stayed quiet and he can’t do it anymore. he can’t and he won’t even if this all goes to hell. its that Kevin always wanted a brother and riko called him brother and Kevin couldn’t even protect his mom from a car accident but he’s going to sure as hell protect his crazy obsessive brother from their child rapist coach.

“ I made a promise coach.”  

@warensupremo

[pavotaulait]

A lullaby of war

AU Where doctor Hale Under the influence of wolfsbane admits to his patient Stiles he has never seen the Lion King before (Stiles wants to fix this) , unfortuantly for Hale this broken boy doesn’t take no for an answer. 

2/3

             Oddly the more inappropriate the dream Stiles had about his doctor the better he felt. As long as the fog of lust lay dense in his brain , other painful thoughts couldn’t encompass him; thoughts like his mother and family that would arrive tomorrow. 

                Probably born out of some latent masochistic kink Stiles attraction to Dr.hale had been born. For reasons unknown since the good looking man just harassed him whenever he had free time.  Maybe it was the fact that he was around so often that caused Stiles body to rebel against his common sense. The doctor would come in during meal times to steal his sorbet and watch Star Trek. What a bastard seriously.

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[pavotaulait]

A lullaby of war.

Ch. 1/3

AU Where doctor Hale Under the influence of wolfsbane admits to his patient Stiles he has never seen the Lion King before (Stiles wants to fix this) , unfortuantly for Hale this broken boy doesn’t take no for an answer. 

                 The first time Derek Hale and Stiles meet, the younger teenager isn’t even awake. While taking a moment to gather himself from looking at the bloodied body, Stiles is holding on to life with pale shaking hands the same hands that are holding his mothers necklace. 

                 "Sarah Stilinski, D.o.a, was driving when a semi ran a red light collapsing the left side of the car, Genim Stilinski, 17, in passanger seat, critical condition, right lung punctured and possible femoral break. “ Commands were being given even before the tired e.m.t finished Hale jogging along the gurney.

                 ” Call the blood bank Nurse Evens, four liters wont be enough if this kid plans on living.“ A montage of hand washing and phone calls from the e.r. followed. Putting on scrubs, opening the chest cavity, suturing a punctured lung and assembling the young man in some semblance of normality.  If he was being honest with himself, the fact that they reassembled people like dismantled Lego figures still took his breath away even as a second year resident.         

                By the time the kid was bandaged and ready to leave the e.r. twelve hours had elapsed putting the fatigued older man on break. Adorable brunette in hand Dr.Hale decided to make the best of his time in the on call room. hopefully very very naked.

              In the movies when a character is in an accident there is some  touching sequence where they meet a dead loved one or revisit times in their life. 

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Nicholas Hemmick has been told he was wrong since he turned fourteen and not a year has passed by since that someone has failed to reaffirm this sentiment. 

Though he had only ever told the truth, they called him liar

a boy crying wolf

attention seeking.

And despite the lacerations on his wrists and knees, he began to doubt himself along the way too.

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[pavotaulait]

Eli to Johnathan: how are you more human than anyone I know despite being a demon?

Johnathan: I don’t try to hide my flaws, I embrace them.

Eli: I was talking about the fact that you just threatened to divorce me for sending you too Monopoly jail but ok.

[pavotaulait]

Book covers for original works I need to write already 1/?: What Liars Say 

aka the false prophet and his demon.

“Elijah and Jonathan went together like biscuits & gravy, summer pea’s in a pod and Jesus & Judas. Well before the divine betrayal that is but there was no doubt that the incorporeal way they were about God left little room for any one else. It was like walkingtowards the dias of a saints bones knowing you were not worthy.  You too might think it fitting that the demon that gave Elijah his future would also be his partner. After all what intimate concern does not breed fondness?”

[pavotaulait]

@foxes-evermore

oneuponinadream submitted:

Hello ! I hope you had a good day! Can I ask you to tell us more about Riko Russian boyfriend and his cats <3

I love your blog and you’re starting to make me feel for Riko, even tough he is a complete ass. 

Answer: I was before but its even better now. I’m so invested in this au that it makes me really really happy. Ah! Yay! That is also one of my favorite things. I love encouraging feelings for characters that may not deserve them lol.There is a short answer and a long answer.

Short answer is that in this au Ichirou recognizes that Riko is a child acting under Tetsuji’s influence and kills Tetsuji instead. He also recognizes that Exy is like a cancer in Riko and that if he is allowed to stay in exy he will keep creating trouble so he shoots Riko in his dominant arm effectively killing his career and sends Riko away to the countryside that night. A place where Riko cannot cause trouble. Riko receives a well-staffed house with psychiatrists and medical assistants and maids in a place that could not care less about Exy. The long answer is that Riko is exiled because he is a hazard to the Moriyama empire and Ichirou is not sure even if Riko will live for very long because for Riko exy is his purpose and without he is useless. Riko is on suicide watch for months. Most of his day is spent in therapy or staring outside. He does feel broken.

 Who is he supposed to be now? Why wouldn’t Ichirou kill him when that’s what Riko had been counting on? In comes Alexii, Russian by name and ancestry but he speaks with a slow southern accent that is calm as it is attractive. Like sun to flowers. He’s unaffected like a child’s blow-up toy always bouncing back despite Riko’s venomous tongue.

  Alexii is like Jeremy know if Jeremy had a whole lot less self-preservation and a love for dangerous things. Alexii is the medical assistant that waits for him outside of therapy sessions in case Riko needs to go talk a walk to calm down, He checks Riko’s bandaids and sits with him during meals and while he goes to bed. Alexii’s family went to the same course of private schools the stateside Moriyama’s always have. His family is well off but Alexii was simplicity, he wants helping people and doing it with his own two hands. Well, Ichirou thinks he’s perfect. Close enough to Riko in age to be a friend. A nice enough disposition to temper Riko but also strong enough not to let Riko get away with being an asshole. 

So Alexii inserts himself neatly into Riko’s life no matter how much Riko yells or ignores him. He gets Riko into gardening because it’s easy and calming and then he brings home a cat for Riko. Pets are good failsafe. 

Even if Riko gets the time to think about hurting himself he will have to think about the cat and how it will be alone if he’s not there. Riko pretends he doesn’t care but when he smashes a glass into the wall and the cat escapes out the back door into the night Riko hardly talks to anyone for three days.

 See Riko has a lot of abandonment issues. He craves company and he’s scared of people leaving and he fucking hates how everyone in that damn house thinks he’s going to magically be reformed into a good person. They know what he did to Jean. They know that he is as ugly and as mangled as Frankenstein’s monster and they still have the guts to talk to him about the future. He wants Alexii to be upset and hurt him because Riko really deserves it. If anyone should be hurt it’s him but Alexii cleans up the glass from the floor, bandages his hand and takes Riko to bed. “We don’t often get what we want Riko, I will never hurt you.” He never does, that’s true.

 The cat comes back after a week and he names it because, well, that’s what people do with pets. That’s what Alexii told him because Riko has never had a pet before so he wouldn’t know. That cat loves him to death. Following him outside all the time, gardening, trailing after him and Alexii when they go on walks, Sleeping on his bed. They find out she is a she and that the cat is pregnant and wouldn’t you know all the cats love him too. He names them all after flowers not because he cares or is very creative like that. He just opens a book on plants point to random names. The only reason he keeps their names straight is because Alexii does and he gets collars made for them. Alexii calls them their kids jokingly because they are standoffish to most people until they warm up to them like Riko and just like Alexii they are very calm. 

It’s gross and cute and Alexii takes Riko into to town when it approved by the head psychiatrist. He drags Riko early in the morning to farmers markets to sample maple glazed almonds, honeysuckle lotion, and  rhubarb jam. After doctors appointments, he bundles Riko into diners with sweet tea and dessert that Alexii always pretends is too much for him to eat alone. Thursdays at the drive-ins they play older children’s movies and Alexii packs a blanket and the cats into the SVU and they watch Dr.Doolittle because Riko has never seen it before. Alexii is a too soft that Riko at first thought he would always puncture and then discovers it’s more like elastic that always retains its shape.

  Alexii asks better of Riko, He challenges the shit morals that the Ravens beat into him. Alexii isn’t a saint. He’s better because he’s a real person and he tells Riko he wants a real relationship with feelings and going slow. That some of the shit Riko does hurts his feelings but mostly he tells Riko he wants to see who Riko can be as a person when he figures that and he’s willing to stick around for as long as that takes so see it and he does so holding Riko’s hand with the cats curled around them late at night so disgustingly domestic and sincere that Riko can’t say anything but keep on holding his hand.

@coldsaturn

[pavotaulait]

dark aftg fandom give me Nicky/Matt and Nicky/Kevin and Nicky/Neil and Nicky/Jean and Nicky/Jeremy

[pavotaulait]

Au where Neil, Andrew, Aaron, riko, ichi and Kevin are all Kengos sons vying for the throne of the dying King.

[pavotaulait]

Dark au where Olympic destined figure skater Andrew Spears escapes to the palmetto hockey team to get away from nationally regarded hockey player Drake. Andrew gains a family that helps him destroy Drake’s future while finding a dream for himself.

[pavotaulait]

Figure skater turned hockey player Andrew au snipit

He feels like a devil

like death valley heat and

a plague brought to Palmetto State. 

David Wymack, the head ice hockey coach does not know any better which is almost enough to make him feel bad. Feel something. 

Psu varsity hockey does not know that he melts ice in oceans, that his political Olympic figure skating was poorly treading water in disguise. 

but the bruises trapped between his skin keep his mouth shut, he almost feels free. 

Standing on the ice with only his shoes on watching the red digital clock of the stadium. His vision is swimming and he cannot tell you how he broke into the building or what time it is but he can say that he doesn’t feel cold anymore. 

“What an Amazing run. Andrew Spears is really showing us tonight that genius can make up for lack of experience. Can you believe he’s only been figure skating for three years? I think we are truely witnessing the rise of an olympic gold medalist.”

Inevitably the ice will be responsible for his death, maybe it will also be held accountable for his life. 

@phereinnike

[pavotaulait]

Villain turned hero au snip-it

There is ash and fear in the mans expression but he holds out his hands.

should he hold out is hand if he is trembling?

maybe there is no answer

or the answer is the- he can’t remember the word he’s looking for.

there is nothing but dust. 

The sky is so pale that the ash covers his eyelids, invisible and then visible only when it is too late for his watering eyes. 

“Your bleeding, where are you hurt?” The neoprene hood covering the man’s head shakes in the wind-  has he ever heard this kindness before?

“Aeros, The Sun has been spotted in the Southern quadrant, please respond.”

He can’t say anything, all the ash has dried his tongue out. 

“I found a civilian in the wreckage, The Sun is not in sight.”

but it is he wants to say when the taller man leans down to pick him up, 

there behind the grey, the sun glows with its dying light, 

but it glows. 

[pavotaulait]

Wip 2017 collection

1. in which riko suffers and you will not enjoy it.

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[pavotaulait]

H.C. brainstorming snapshot w/thea

I have spent most of the day writing poly perfect court + andriel and lemme tell you the feelings. they hurt me. 

I know its naughty but i only put my part that i wrote unless otherwise stated but trust me Thea hurt me a lot. 

+ @rikomoriyamaofficial: andrew will never understand what these boys mean to each other, a relationshio he’s very much an intruder on, but he can definitely try

poze-laceen: he can understand that it goes beyond power plays and that its important to all of them. he gets going through abuse and it making you grow closer to those beside you he gets. that once you let someone it they are there in your heart.

rikomoriyamaofficial: exactly. and because he knows, they find it easier to let him into their little circle

poze-laceen: maybe they ask for a show of faith. a vaulnerability of andrews past. they know ofc but its different having him willingly tell them.

rikomoriyamaofficial: does andrew know that they’ve researched him (that neil has researched him), and that they know everything there is to know about his past, down the ugliest little detail?

poze-laceen: i think he figures that they know about his juvie record and beating up those guys for nicky, that he was in foster care and that he’s on meds. but i don’t think he considered they would dig even deeper.

rikomoriyamaofficial: What does Riko ask from Him then?

+ to be vulnerable. to talk about himself. maybe he asks, “what hurts you?” and andrew says nothing, anymore. so maybe he says “what has hurt you the most then. so he gives them cass. and he gives them his scars. and he gives them his abuse but not his rape(s). because those were awful but losing her was the worst

+ Andrew goes into it knowing if could go poorly for him. An ask of vaulnerability could turn into a witch hunt for every demon hiding beheind the bruised surfaces of his organs. He could be asked to give and give until there is nothing unknown about himself. He knows this but he lets it happen because, why not? and Nathaniel with his rose gold lashes hold his arm so delicately, he says he’s glad Andrew isn’t hurting anymore. It shakes him, that was not something he was expecting as a reward. A fault line has opened through the center of him as he watches the pale boy curl around Kevin similar to an expensive gaurd dog. His eye’s already fluttering sleeping as though it is time for his nap,it probably is and Andrew cannot stay the dorm room. he’s not going to cry but he does not feel like he can compete with the silence now. He needs to distract and redirect. He needs to think about the silken texture of Nathaniels lips not what they were kissing. not how sincere he sounded. he heads for the courts looking for a fight that he can take with his heavy raquet and uneven breathing.

+ Normally Andrew would not care for someone sick, he does not need the responsibility. Normally he would not agree so quickly but the though of Tetsuji or a physician holding neil up while he was sick was worse. So he voluntered. "Yes, Kevin i can take care of a snotty noes. go back already.” But also Andrew isn’t stupid. this is a trial run. this is saying that the perfect court is willing to trust him with neil. That Nathaniel wants to trust Andrew. Andrew does not play with trust or promises. Not matter hard it is to breathe with his tightening lungs as a fevered Nathaniel lays against him. Nathaniel normally has low energy but now its like everything comes at a cost thats too much even pushing the book he had gotten into Andrews hands has him flushed ,panting and closing his eyes.“Please?” Andrew hates the word but he can’t scold nathaniel who has layers of blankets covering his clamy shoulders while his forehead burns into Andrews side. “alright, calm down. ” It’s treasure island, Kevin’s favorite book. He’d rather read something from his room but Nathaniel works his hands into the hem of Andrews t-shirt waiting for the pain pills he had taken to work. “alright, i got you.” he opens to the prologue with his hand in Nathaniels hair smoothing it back from the permiter of his face while he reads

+ It’s been so long since anything from his past has hurt him. Andrew looks sad for a moment when Nathaniel tells him about the master and tears ache in the corners of his eyes. He doesn’t want Andrew to be sad for younger him . Nathaniel know its because Andrew too has scars from bad adults picking at baby soft flesh. And he thinks the tears might be for Andrew because Nathaniel has reminded him of being small and broken. both such awful things to feel and worse together. Andrew stops reading to look at him and his wet face. He sets the book down to pick up Nathaniels face. “Why are you crying?” he doesn’t sound mad at Nathaniel and he doesn’t say he will give him a reason to cry. He rests his forehead against Nathaniels waiting for sick slow words to crawl forth. “i wish there were more soft things, i wish everything wasn’t so hard.”

+Andrew holds Nathaniels hand he looks like he’s coming to terms with something. “I’m not hurting now.” not with you here and im ok with that. and Nathaniel wants to cry until there are no more tears left for either of them but he will be a big boy. Andrew leans to the side table to get tissues and wipes Nathaniels nose gently and gets another tissue for his cheeks. “do you want me to continue reading?” Nathaniels fingers are pressed against his mouth, a habit of self-soothing that appears when he’s tired. “will you talk? tell me something nice.” and Andrew whose eidetic memory has caused him scares since he could think searches and clings and spins cold memories into softer light. “My third foster sister taught me how to how to cook and bake. we made three dozen peanut butter cookies one weekend. it was the first time i had a cookie.”

@coldsaturn

[pavotaulait]

Work in progress

@warensupremo , @foxes-evermore 

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[pavotaulait]

Happy Birthday, @shihoran  !!!

For a very talented and cute friend if felt proper to make a very cute au.

RikoKev Au Where:

They are normal college kids. Kevin is interning at a museum and riko is undecided trying to figure out what he likes, besides Kevin. 

Riko makes breakfast every morning because Kevin hates being up early but he will if riko is up and there is coffee and a nice sunrise.

 They’re living together because rikos last roommate was a nightmare and Kevin had to come pick riko and his stuff up off of the lawn at the end of last term.

 Kevin maybe kind of wants a pet but they are on probation raising a cactus named Poe. Riko works at a cat Cafe, mostly for the cats but also for the free coffee which is where he met Kevin who spent a solid week in there before finals the year before. He spends his breaks reading books Kevin has suggested and texting Kevin his reactions.

Riko was thrown out of the house at 16 and Kevins mom died when he was in highschool so its mostly just them & poe but they both finally feel like they have a home when the other is around so its ok. 

They do end up adopting a cat and a dog. Riko takes psychology and acting classes and ends up at a community center for at risk youth. Kevin proposes to Riko in the Romantic authors exbhit on a tuesday when Riko is looking particulary ruffled and pretty. Riko say’s yes .   

[pavotaulait]

Nicky drabble, HOH au

Nicky likes Matt

when he didn’t great matt hello the first time they met Matt hadn’t taken offense

even when people know Nicky is hard of hearing they take offense, they get frustrated that he is something they have to adjust too. 

they talk too fast or too loud or they ignore him. 

Matt maintains eye contact and introduces himself again. He gets Nickys number too because the vibrations of his phone get his attention faster sometimes. 

he also doesn’t ask Nicky why he has a phone with any number of facial expressions Nicky has seen before. 

confusion

invasive curiosity.

it takes a while for the others to notice, they do as always because Nicky signs when he’s tired or feeling overwhelmed. 

Andrew and Aaron both learned in high school because his community had been a population of one for so long that he would forget to talk to the twins for days or that some people liked to have a verbal response. 

He had felt just for a moment belonging. 

Luther and Maria had wanted him fixed in so many ways that they could not have and had said that he did not belong in any group besides the one they designated. 

and again he feels outside of the group even thought hand signs and rehearsed plays benefit the team he feels

accommodated.  

Matt makes him feel,

known. 

He comes back practicing basic signs the day after they meet for the first time. 

He says that he needed a second language for his core credits, that its useful too. 

Nicky thinks he means for practice 

he didn’t think he meant to ask Nicky out. 

But weeks later there they are with inside jobs and sly hand motions during team meetings and Matt saying how he wants to take Nicky out on an appointment

which confuses Nicky until the question is followed up with a very slow kiss and concentrated fingerspelling. 

Nicky would have turned his hearing aid back on, he would have if he could have remembered how to breathe properly too focused on having Matt inches from him. 

Matt is always trying to meet him on level ground and Nicky has no reason to say no.

and every day after the reason to be happy he said yes grow

The rest of the team does learn sign language, minimally, its almost a shame not to have the privacy to talk to Matt or his cousins anymore 

but Matt started adding to his community the minute he took the time for Nicky and now he is letting himself be known by the people he wants to know him

seeing it as an adjustment rather than an allowance to exist how he would like

and he doesn’t have an implant installed when the money finally is enough. 

As his boyfriend, the every inspiring Matthew Boyd says, If it’s not broken there is nothing to fix.