pauraluman

[pauraluman]

sun or moon? rain or sun? summer or winter? Halloween or Christmas? smell of rain or smell of campfires? are you a morning person or a night person? dogs or cats? sunset or sunrise? holding hands or interlinking arms? how many pillows do you sleep with? are you happy?

[pauraluman]

“I like the dark part of the night, after midnight and before four-thirty, when it’s hollow, when ceilings are harder and farther away. Then I can breathe, and can think while others are sleeping, in a way can stop time, can have it so – this has always been my dream – so that while everyone else is frozen, I can work busily about them, doing whatever it is that needs to be done, like the elves who make the shoes while children sleep.” - Dave Eggers, A Heartbreaking Work of a Staggering Genius

[pauraluman]

Rainy night twitch screen!

Insta: @debbiebalboa

Twitter: @DebbieBalboa

[pauraluman]

There'll be a moment when you realise you're 27 when yesterday you were just 17; and you wouldn't be able to tell how a decade passed away and your life got divided into before and afters. The fury of youth will subdue and nothing will really change but everything will feel different when you look at old photographs and blurry videos taken on cheap mobile phones. Scents will remind you of childhood and certain friends you don't talk to anymore, hangouts will become reunions and mom's burnt pie will become the best food you ever had. And I know on some days you won't be able to show anything of those 10 years but I hope you remember to breathe, and let go of the knot in your chest. I hope you go out in the sun and live a little, because tomorrow is 37.

Edit- I added the visualizer for this piece on my YT, check it out here

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned

[pauraluman]

“Everyone who terrifies you is sixty-five percent water. And everyone you love is made of stardust, and I know sometimes you cannot even breathe deeply, and the night sky is no home, and you have cried yourself to sleep enough times that you are down to your last two percent, but nothing is infinite, not even loss. You are made of the sea and the stars, and one day you are going to find yourself again.”

— Finn Butler, From The Wreckage

[pauraluman]

i keep my sadness like a lover i will hold until time no longer exists. today, i realized how sad i have been for the past months. today, i felt the weight of its existence in my chest, and i wonder how my ribs haven’t been broken yet. i can no longer remember the last time someone looked me in the eyes and told me ‘i know you’re not okay.’ and thank god. for years, i let everyone else believe that there is happiness that blooms in my fingertips. i carry my warmth like a badge that says ‘come over, you’re safe with me.’ for years, no one ever stopped and wondered how i can still smile this way. and i smile. and smile. and sometimes laugh. this is how i keep my sadness like lover i cannot speak of. a secret. a skeleton in my cupboard. it’s not because i don’t trust the ones i love or the people around me. it’s not because i feel like my sadness is a burden. 

it’s because i don’t know how to talk about my sadness to other people. i write about my sadness. i listen to songs about my sadness, but i have never found the words to say to other people. so instead, i cry. and i hope that’s enough to translate my sadness into something others will undestand. so hear me out, i tuck my sadness in my pockets because i don’t know how to talk about it without unravelling in front of others. 

forgive me that all i have given you are smiles and laughter. forgive me because at my age, i still haven’t learned to talk about my sadness in front of you. forgive me because my heart has been breaking for months and i still don’t have the words to tell you.

[pauraluman]

sacred prayer and we’d swear to remember it all too well

[pauraluman]

I know it will pass, but it's heavy

[pauraluman]

“I used to see in colour but I slowly started building walls around myself and before I knew it, everything went black.”

— Georgiaonefour

[pauraluman]

The walls are closing and I can’t breathe

[pauraluman]

“This is for the ones who stay up until the sun kisses the sky in the morning with fists closed and heart trembling in fear. For the people too afraid to go to sleep because the reasons for waking up might walk away when we’re far too deep in our slumber. For the ones who cried themselves to sleep last night and woke up without a single sunshine waiting on the windowpane. This is for the ones who fell in love with the boy on the sidelines; eyes following him while he makes his way to the one he claims to love. For everyone who fell out of love and found the ashes of their love scattered by the whisper of the wind. For the brave ones who never tire of taking that leap, that risk, that hand that offers to wipe the tears away. This is for the ones who got drunk because of the ghost of an ex-lover tasted very much like eight shots of tequila. For the ones who washed the same sheets three times in hopes that his scent will no longer linger in the home from all the love you have made. For the people who thought that a cup of black coffee is more than enough to take away the sweetness of his name. This is for everyone. Everything will be okay. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday it will be. Someday.”

—

[pauraluman]

i don’t like myself very much right now. not for any real reason. i just don’t love how i look or feel or am functioning. but i know it’ll pass and there’s no reason to make myself feel worse about it. there are off days. off weeks. off months. they’re little storms of negativity that will pass by.

[pauraluman]

i wish you love that is not a test or a lesson

[pauraluman]

Rachel Forrest // Unknown // S. C. Lourie

[pauraluman]

It's way past midnight. You're tired yet you're still awake because this is the only time you can have peace by yourself. It's okay.

[pauraluman]

Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu — The room in the Dragon Volant

[pauraluman]

i keep my sadness like a lover i will hold until time no longer exists. today, i realized how sad i have been for the past months. today, i felt the weight of its existence in my chest, and i wonder how my ribs haven’t been broken yet. i can no longer remember the last time someone looked me in the eyes and told me ‘i know you’re not okay.’ and thank god. for years, i let everyone else believe that there is happiness that blooms in my fingertips. i carry my warmth like a badge that says ‘come over, you’re safe with me.’ for years, no one ever stopped and wondered how i can still smile this way. and i smile. and smile. and sometimes laugh. this is how i keep my sadness like lover i cannot speak of. a secret. a skeleton in my cupboard. it’s not because i don’t trust the ones i love or the people around me. it’s not because i feel like my sadness is a burden. 

it’s because i don’t know how to talk about my sadness to other people. i write about my sadness. i listen to songs about my sadness, but i have never found the words to say to other people. so instead, i cry. and i hope that’s enough to translate my sadness into something others will undestand. so hear me out, i tuck my sadness in my pockets because i don’t know how to talk about it without unravelling in front of others. 

forgive me that all i have given you are smiles and laughter. forgive me because at my age, i still haven’t learned to talk about my sadness in front of you. forgive me because my heart has been breaking for months and i still don’t have the words to tell you.