paulavenicef

[paulavenicef]

I think, this is, by far, one of the sweetest bible verse out there.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

I am also convinced that this has helped me manage the anxiety and fear I get to feel every now and then.

When the world is loud, the voices of people around consume me - I just make myself be reminded of this line and for some overwhelming reason, I will be okay.

How nice and sweet it is to have someone who'd tell you these words. By focusing on Him, yourself, and the people who truly get and love you, life is a lot less hassle and stress-free.

We are not going to be in this world forever; so might as well spend our lives the best way possible.

Choose your people and stick to them.

:)

(artwork not mine. credits to the rightful owner.)

[paulavenicef]

It's been a while, Tumblr!

September 1, 2023

I looked at the other side of the glass door and again, it’s raining. It’s been pouring the whole day, good thing, I worked from home today. Our company still allows working from home on certain days! (Thank God). My watch shows 5:55PM right now and I thought my boys (my son and my husband, I meant) would be here as well but since the weather acted out, it’s going to be a whole me-time on a Friday night for me.

I can’t believe I am writing again. I remember, during my school years, I usually got a lot of creative juice when I was sad. But just now, I found myself writing again and it’s something new for the past few years. Since I got married, had a baby, and got busy with personal and professional stuff, I completely forgot how to write.

I sometimes misspell words, and I guess it’s just normal, especially with a lack of practice of the thing you used to love.

My heart is jumping with joy right at this moment – I don’t know why the Philippines put up Christmas lights as early as September 1st but I am joyful about it, anyway–even this extra dark iced mocha drink gives me butterflies while I am typing on my laptop.

It’s really the small things. Maybe because it’s Friday, too, and I was able to survive another productive day at and outside work–a series of challenging days, in general.

September is my favorite month–not because it’s my birth month, but maybe, yes? More certainly, it’s on how it is pronounced, or spelled, or it is the Filipino’s cue of year-end holidays.

I wanted to savour this moment before I turn 29 in 2 days.

In just a snap, I’m approaching 30s and unlike my teenage years, I’ve been all over the place for the past few months for some unknown reason. It’s not my usual self, but I have to accept her, anyway. Is it a quarter-life crisis? I bet I don’t even know if I can call it that way.

That’s all for now. Life is good. The universe, too. God, above all, is. I hope I can write more often moving forward. I recently went on a trip with my little family, attended a very special wedding, and cried myself to sleep because nothing, I just wanted to. I wish to share it here more. It’s been one of those days I particularly love.

With love and light, P 🤍

[paulavenicef]

— Van Gogh, The Letters of Vincent van Gogh

[paulavenicef]

Life lately.

It’s Saturday and I am currently in our bedroom with my two boys - my husband and my son - both sleeping. It is supposedly my rest day today but I decided to take an overtime work because why not? :D

I checked this little space and hey, it has already been two years since my last blog entry. Two years. The last blog I had was “becoming an enthusiast in life” and the like. I think life is so different now, or me, myself being different now. Within those two years I am missing in action on my Tumblr, I was able be promoted in my workplace; I was able to become a bride, a wife; and now as a mother to my almost 7-month old baby. Life’s pretty amazing, I must say. But in between those breakthroughs, you will also see the breakdowns. That is what I would like to believe. I came across this saying “Your breakthrough will lead to your breakdown” and I think I agree.

I named this blog “in her twenties” a few years back after leaving my teenage Tumblr and look where I am right now. This year I am already turning 27. I admit I am not the same optimistic Paula 5 or 10 years ago. I admit a lot has changed. But also I would like to admit that even though life seems to be a lot different now, it still is something beautiful and something to be celebrated for.

To celebrate. Being a mom to my little Abram is something I am celebrating for everyday. To celebrate. Being a wife to my other half is something I am celebrating for every single day. To be grateful. Being employed amidst the pandemic situation we all are currently in, beyond thankful. To be glad. Being able to spend days with my parents and siblings most of the time.

Turning 27 in a few months and always grateful and hopeful.

And lately, maybe because of Covid-19 pandemic, I’d realize how precious our health is. We need to be healthy in order to serve our purpose. In order to love, to live, health is absolutely wealth.

To the few people who made it to this part of my today’s writing, I hope and pray that you find joy in every little thing you do. Life is so short to get mad and jealous of other people’s victories. Our victories are totally different from one another so just get up each day, say a little prayer and live your best life.

- P ♡

PS: I’d like to think I’d be able to update this blog more frequently now :)

[paulavenicef]

Becoming an 'Enthusiast in Life'

(artwork not mine)

At 6:24am today, I got off from the bed and stayed for another 20 minutes thinking what to do today (before attending to a kid's party this afternoon). I thought of eating the leftover food inside the fridge but I realized I want to eat some sliced bread filled with liver spread alongside coffee, so I went out to buy.

I could still feel minimal muscle aches from last night's 30-minute workout and just about a couple of minutes ago, I had another 15-minute cardio exercise. Though, it's a lot fun when you do it with a buddy.

Then, I checked my phone and the first thing I saw is becoming an enthusiast in life. Like, how to be one, even if and despite all its shortcomings. I searched for some inspirational quotes on my best friend, Pinterest, and found this piece:

"I began to realize how important it was to be an enthusiast in life. If you are interested in something, no matter what it is, go at it full speed. Embrace it with both arms, hug it, love it and above all, become passionate about it. Lukewarm is no good."

That is, according to Roald Dahl, a British novelist, said Wikipedia on Google.

I remember I already came across this quote before, but today was different. The thing is, when I read the lines earlier, it somehow boosts me in different sides of my life, so far: that becoming a daughter to my parents, a sister to my siblings, an aunt to my nephew, a girlfriend to my boyfriend, a friend to my few but real friends, a workmate to my colleagues, and so on - I have to be an enthusiast in life. Whatever we do, do it with all our heart, body, and soul (I'm unsure where I heard this, might research about it later). This reminder is such a beautiful one. Being a believer of faith in God, and a believer of optimism, a believer of empowerment, it is something which is always on point. Because lukewarm is no good, you have to do it 101% - with all of you, not moderate, but to be great it. Only, if you already discovered what your purpose in life is.

But I think, it is not always easy to manifest what we want, or who do we want ourselves to be. I meet people in their 40s and still finding what's best for them; or meeting fresh graduates who already know what they want to be in life. In other words, different timelines are visible to each and every person we encounter everyday. And their timeline does not necessarily same with ours - and I think, that is one of life's beauty: to be able to showcase what you have and ignore what don't you have, and complement it with the world.

No matter how crucial or easy your current phase is, always do your best to be an enthusiast in life 'cause you will never know where it takes you.

💯 paula

[paulavenicef]

At my favorite place.

[paulavenicef]

02.08.19 02:30pm

There are really days when you do not want to do anything - or feel anything. You just want to lay down after a long day of work. And think of all things should've-beens, could've-beens.

But, these days are pretty much stable, I must say. Except last 30th of January when I learned I have cysts in my ovaries, life has been good, as far as I am aware of. My family is okay. My relationship with Von is getting better day by day. My work, okay, the work, itself, is okay - while I can't confirm the environment - people, in general. Casual conversations take place daily and I can say I am getting used to it.

I remember, there was this day I realized what I want to achieve in life: it is to become an Ambassador for Inner Peace and Life's Positivity. Lol, but yes, not kidding. It is too early to say but if I would be given a task to change the world, it is to remove all its negativity. I don't know why. I am getting much of that positive-thinker even at not-so-good days and situation. I remember there are too stressful days but I always choose to look at the brighter side. I remember several people, friends, who come to me for some advice until we found ourselves having life counseling, myself being the coach, and a friend being the client.

For the last couple of days, I frequently utter to myself that my patience is being tested. You know, not all people have the same level of understanding, belief, and goals in life, and that makes me see life to be more wonderful - its variations and how it affects the bigger picture of each of person's life. I am always the deep person in the group, I must say, and the most mature one. At the age of 24, I can live a life with people who are older than me. I don't know. It's just me as a whole.

When I started typing this blog, all I wanna say is thank God, it's Friday. But look how far I went.

Ciao! 🌸

[paulavenicef]

Unexpected Turn-arounds

So I thought of writing these down to remind myself how I go far with the life - in general. A few days ago, I learned I have this so-called Endometrial cysts both in my ovaries, and they may cause me to have difficulties on having a child. The cyst grew 3 to 4 cm already from the months it pained on my lower abdomen. At the time with my Gynecologist, I felt sad as that thing right there is no joke, and could lead to something more serious. But when the doctor told me that they are curable, I began to have hope, too much of it, I could say. I had an injectable which would be my thing for the next months while I am under medication and care of my doctor. I told myself I am having a baby in the right time so I have to be more careful on what I eat and do on a daily basis. I want to write again - to go back to the original Paula a few years ago - when all I want to do is write my sentiments and share good old positive thoughts to the readers. Earlier, I was about to sleep but I suddenly got this urge and thought of grabbing some coffee and write, again. It feels great to be back at it. Where my heart soulfully belongs. It's been a great past couple of months and life's never been this good. Just believe that everything happens for a reason - kahit gaano pa ka-gasgas ang linyang yan. 🎈paulavenice

[paulavenicef]

Saturday Musings - 010618

As I have my way home one Friday afternoon of January, I went on a public transportation ride and noticed the people beside and in front of me. I looked at them one by one thinking how on Earth does this group of human beings being near at me at that time. Like, in the next decades, these people would no longer be in this world; that either one or two among them will die of severe sickness, or an accident, or whatsoever. Not to hope for the worst but what I mean is, we have our each and own timelines to be living.

I am very humbled to be alive in this millennium wherein all becomes better, at least, from what I could see. Of course, first thing in the list is to thank my parents who have ‘the love’, the reason why I am here.

Something which some people do not see - the fortune of being in a place where they can do whatever they want, go wherever they want to go. Oftentimes, the pessimism invades the entirety of humanity instead of becoming optimistic. I do not know, and I am not sure why I end up thinking of these things right now but to be able to breathe oxygen in and out, to be able to wake up in all the mornings that have passed and in the next ones, to be able to see my parents smile, to be able to see sunsets, may it be over the mountains or in the horizon of the sea, one thing is for sure: being on Earth is more than a blessing, and I do not know what to call it.

[paulavenicef]

And I thought - what’s more saddening than losing the job you thought you were meant to have, but you really do not? Or losing someone you have loved for years now because he told you he doesn’t love you anymore? Or your passion to something that you used to do just great? Or something out of lack of assurance? There are a lot of ways of losing - but one thing is I am sure of: when you lose, you hurt. And it’s not okay when you lost something, but that’s perfectly fine.

[paulavenicef]

We are almost always there

We’re all now in the part of this millennium where everyone is only great at first.

Well, here’s the more personal way of saying it: I am in the state of my life wherein each little thing of joy and despair reveals to me, one by one. Almost twenty-two years of existence and still, not half of my lifeline is spent in total assurance that all is always going to be well in every aspect and in every step I make. From being a small bunch of cells inside my mom’s womb to being a toddler, a gradeschooler, an adolescent - to being a degree holder (which at times makes me feel that I am already superior to anything else in the world, like the group of ants underneath, but truth is, no, in any way which I might think is possible) - to being a professional now that I am already earning and seeing my sweat, determination and effort converted into something beautiful - to help out my family in any possible way I could).

Almost twenty two years of defending myself from myself and still, I am lost by my own thoughts and sometimes I feel a total stranger from my own body - feeling like I am a different persona trying to fit in my own system, which I don’t consider as my own.

But wait, among all these uncertainties and unsure ways of thinking, I could see something is still missing out - maybe that’s why I still feel lost at times - but don’t have any idea on what it is, really. I’ve been doing a lot of things these past few months. I go mountains, I go land hopping, I go to places and I meet a lot of people who I am sure also have their own ways of being lost. And as I look on the bigger picture, as I step backward, I realize that I, being lost, meeting these lost people as well, begin to combine ourselves in a way that we’re almost done finding ourselves. I realize that all of us are always one step closer to finding our ultimate self - regardless how fast, slow, aggressive, easy or the other way around we move. We are always almost there, a step closer and a little far from where we would want to be.

But truth be told, I’m just not sure if how that ‘one step’ looks like. Would you know how? And maybe, that’s why I see people only good at firsts. Because we’re always almost there - but not greater than almost. It’s like there is always a missing piece on us that we’re searching on whenever, wherever.

We’re just not sure.

[paulavenicef]

In your lifeline, you'll be hurt by someone and you'll hurt someone no matter how much you don't want to.

[paulavenicef]

You're pretty. I saw you along Gamboa St earlier! (!!!) - the Z boy

First, this is quite creepy. Second, thank you. Third, may you introduce yourself?

[paulavenicef]

Life lately

In just a snap, and it’s already the second quarter of 2016. Just. Like. That.

Not feeling well today, got colds because of the changing of weather from time to time - but more of a hooot weather, I shall say. I couldn’t really feel that the days are passing by just like the birds pass by above us. Moreover, it’s a pleasant feeling that I can’t feel it that much because of busy schedules at work (and sometimes outside of work). These weeks are pretty challenging for me - in all aspects. But I could say that it forms a better Paula, you know, the better you than yesterday’s you.

I don’t want to look back to the past - not I’m saying that I don’t owe everything from the past - rather, I don’t want to stress myself out on what’s happened before since I am more focused now on what I want to happen in my life, goal in general.

I have to really go for what my heart desires. And I am pretty sure that it’s not a bad thing, not at all.

[paulavenicef]

Photo Dump

Beatles Road, 2014

Down South, Kaputian Island, Samal, Davao City

Mt. Sipit Ulang

Mt. Hapunang Banoi

[paulavenicef]

I’m certainly sure, by now, that on the day when we were born, we started to get lost. We are all lost in a thousand of reasons and no one can save us but ourselves. When? We don’t know. I am waiting for myself to find myself.

[paulavenicef]

Apat na mga salita

Ano nga ba’ng nanyari?

Apat na salita na paulit-ulit ang pagtakbo sa isip ko - matapos kong makitang muli ang mga pictures namin noon. Masaya naman, I felt so blessed at that time, at that time na sa’kin siya at sa kaniya ako. Pero bakit nga ba? Ano nga ba ang nangyari? 

Kasing sarap ng paborito kong Swiss Miss dark chocolate drink yung pagmamahal niya sa akin noon na natanggap ko, ganun din ang pagmamahal na ibinibigay ko sa kanya, pero ano nga ba ang nangyari?

Siya ang paborito kong tao. Siya ang unang taong gusto kong makita at makausap pagkagising pa lang sa umaga. Siya ang taong gusto kong isama sa lahat ng plano ko, sa lahat ng lakad ko, sa lahat ng fancy dates at travels na pangarap ko sa buhay ko, noon. Pero, iba na ngayon. Angsakit. Bakit nga ba?

Hindi ko siya masisisi. Wala akong sisisihin. Dahil lahat ng nangyari ay nangyari na sa kadahilanang hindi ko alam, kung ano ang rason, kung saan nagsimula. Dahil lahat ng pangyayaring paghihiwalay ay nangyari na lang nang biglaan, tulad nang biglaan ko siyang minahal nung kami ay bago pa lang.

Ngunit ano ba talaga ang nangyari?

‘Yan ang tanong na hindi ko pa rin masagot hanggang ngayon. Tanong na lumulutang-lutang sa ere kasabay ng mga litrato at mga salitang pinagsaluhan namin sa loob ng tatlong taon na ibinigay sa’min ng pagkakataon. O pagkakataon nga ba? Baka naman hindi. Baka naman sarili lang talaga namin ang nagbigay ng lahat. So ibig sabihin ba noon, sarili lang rin namin ang dahilan kung bakit nagtapos ang lahat? Pero hindi ko siya maaaring sisihin, wala akong sisisihin. Dahil nangyari ang nangyari, pero bakit nga ba? Ano nga ba ang nangyari?

Kasing linaw ng mga bituin sa langit ng Cagbalete Island yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya noon, pero bakit biglang nawala? Natunaw? O baka naman naging shooting star na, kaya nawala na lang bigla? Pero di ba’t kapag shooting star nga, dun ka nga hihiling? Bakit naglaho ang pag-ibig na meron para sa kaniya, hindi ko naman hiniling na magkaganoon?

Sana’y may kasagutan. Nang hindi na nagtatanong sa kawalan. Ano nga ba ang nangyari? Bakit ang tayo’y biglang napawi? Bakit biglang naglaho ang dating pag-ibig na puno ng pangako? 

Ano nga ba’ng nangyari?