pathotomed

[pathotomed]

Im a doctor now. 

[pathotomed]

just to let everyone know im a final year medical student now and cant fucking believe ive made it this far. 

looking forward to job life. 

[pathotomed]

While I’m here and its two o’clock in the morning here I thought id update myself on my life (Im the only one that reads my posts)

you are a fourth year medical student - you absolute hero. 

So proud darling - although you have done fuck all this year. but lets not dwell. 

Ill stop talking in the third person. 

Emergency medicine has been wild fun. Enjoyed that life - can see myself doing that life for a while yet. I think thats what i what to do when i grow up. 

I didnt mind geriatrics either or fractures. Its all been pretty fun. I quite like the medicine life except for the studying part and the getting up early part etc

I had COVID so got that over and done with. 

friends are being ...you know my friends. 

Im tired i may go to bed now. goodbye.

[pathotomed]

seasonal depression seem to be hitting diff-...the exact same as it has done for the past 10 years

I have a memory of a doorknob

[pathotomed]

Next time i have to do a case report can someone remind/force me to do some each day instead of waiting literallly till one in the morning to do thy work .

GOD,  I  DO  NOT  LEARN

[pathotomed]

ooh so second thing 

i have a assignment for tomorrow morning and how the fucking fuck is it one o clock in the fucking morning

[pathotomed]

so im moving like 15 mins down the road and i still have that eating disorder thing that we talked about years ago but anyway so every couple of days at like 11 at night go down to the shops and buy crisps, chocolate and a diet coke. So i know the people that work there. And they know me. They are the ones that in fact know im going to have a heart attack at age 30. but anyway i digress, the guy who worked there practically told me that he will miss me when i move down the road so yeah there you go. thats the end of the story thanks for staying

[pathotomed]

I passed my exams thankfuck

3rd year baby 

[pathotomed]

resonates with me today

i gave out all my fucks 

and i have an exam tomorrow

fucks wait, 

please fucks come back i need you

[pathotomed]

My exams start tomorrow. 

Holy joe. 

This has been a quick year. 

But also Im so ready for a break. 

So please gawd let me pass these motherfukcing exams. 

Im ready to chill the fuck out. 

See you on the other side...

[pathotomed]

thisdoesntfeellikeachoice

thisdoesntfeellikeachoice

thisdoesntfeellikeachoice

thisdoesntfeellikeachoice

thisdoesntfeellikeachoice

godthisdoesntfeellikeachoice

[pathotomed]

So basically im a child and I asked mum to pay for (another lot of) personal training sessions which cost a lot. 

I was expecting her to be all like yeh no probs my child take all my money. 

I joke, but onr i was expecting her to say yes no probs. 

she outright said no. 

and now im so annoyed and frustrated

like literally how dare she say no to her fat daughter

like i thought she wanted the best for my health and well being etc

and now im annoyed

and my feelings are real and valid

yet utterly wrong 

like Im expecting her to pay for her twentyfive year old working daughters personal training sessions. 

why the fuck do i feel so hard done by 

god im a fucking dick

i think its because sometimes she can be so generous with her money - and she has a fair amount

and so it it is still so surprising when she prevents me access to all her hard earned cash

ha 

[pathotomed]

Order of events

Eat something

Clean

Run a mile

Uno cigarette

[pathotomed]

Update time

Its summertime and Im going to go into 2nd year medicine in September. I have a job in a pharmacy at a local hospital and i actually dont mind it (British talk for I actually like it!)

Otherwise i feel like my life is going to shit. And im sorry for writing on this only when this happens.

I feel really sad that i don’t have a partner. In fact a bit lost. I have a huge fucking crush on my pharmacy manager, despite him being 20 years older. He is (i believe) single and no children. But I don’t want to ruinng the relationship since Im literally going to be in that hospital for a long ass time throughout my medical career. But I’m holding out hope!

My bulimia/BED has gotten so much worse. I feel like its unstoppable sometimes. It makes me feel so out of control of my life. The compulsions are just too strong sometimes, and this happens almost everyday.  

Since we had so long off for summer, I also thought i would get a lot done - aka lose weight, fix my eating disorder, start doing a bit of revision for next year etc. So I have got a therapist (who is actually pretty on top of it) and a personal trainer who i don’t want to go back to. So theres some evidence of trying to change - despite my life not changing a whole lot. 

Last Sunday, I booked a flight to America to climb some mountains. I booked it for the next day - i.e. Monday. So I did - and a couple of things happened that made it a pretty not amazing trip. 1) someone tried to get into my tent, like rob me or something  2) i binged almost the entire time. So what i thought was going to be helpful in terms of my mental health, was in fact not that helpful.

Ive starting smoking when life becomes overwhelming - its not much but big enough for me. My house is a fucking tip. I need to clean. And do washing. Im spiralling and have little place to go. 

and i have jet lag. 

the end. 

[pathotomed]

i know the jealousy of handshake is real but

onr - eating disorder shit is flaring up - i kind of want to die and i hate myself. the end. 

[pathotomed]

Oh and btw i passed all of my motherfucking medical exams and this girl is becoming a second year med student 

also FYI I met the pres of the medical school 2 days ago and he gave me a hand shake and said well done on doing so well on my exams - like first of all how the fuck do you know who i am but second of all yaasssbittchhhh

basically to sum up - congrats me. 

[pathotomed]

gODOODOOD I dont want to go to work tomorrow or go to personal training gawwdddddddd