patchoulicigarettes

[patchoulicigarettes]

Sophie mixed up their laundry (again).

[patchoulicigarettes]

Consider: A fantasy series where the court wizard is treated and portrayed just like an IT guy. Court Wizard, fixing the Queen’s magic mirror: has’t thee attempted cleansing and reapplying the runes anew?

[patchoulicigarettes]

I say “my gender is my own” but deep down I know my gender is autistic nonbinary transmasc tumblr user

[patchoulicigarettes]

I made a little zine!

You can download and print it yourself here

[patchoulicigarettes]

So my family has a Gay Pirate Plate.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE–”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

But he’s trying to get me and my sister out to visit him. And plate mounts are cheap.

[patchoulicigarettes]

the fact that we only have “herculean task” and “sisyphean task” feels so limiting. so here’s a few more tasks for your repertoire

icarian task: when you have a task you know you’re going to fail at anyways, so why not have some fun with it before it all comes crashing down

cassandrean task: when you have to deal with people you KNOW won’t listen to you, despite having accurate information, and having to watch them fumble about when you told them the solution from the start (most often witnessed in customer service)

feel free to chime in i ran out of ideas much faster than i anticipated

[patchoulicigarettes]

crazy thang is whenever someone makes a post talkng about how xyz thing annoys them someone will always go 'oh so we're not even allowed to do [thing] anymore??' like no you literally can. that person just will not like you. if that is enough to stop you then its not that youre not allowed its that you are not capable of existing outside of the approval of others

[patchoulicigarettes]

Part 1 | Part 2

Please enjoy this cute sapphic comic about accidentally adopting a werewolf from the pound based on this post. (Except I made it gay.) Meet Sabine and Jazz as they fall in loooove.

If you enjoyed please consider donating to my Kofi! Comics are a labor of love and tips really really help me out while I'm in school!

[patchoulicigarettes]

Zombies shouldn't growl or snarl, they should babble a mixture of incomplete word sounds and whole words or sentence fragments. Every zombie should sound almost but not quite like it's trying to tell you something.

[patchoulicigarettes]

Hey trans people I just want to remind you that your experience is your own and there is no wrong way to describe it.

If you feel like you were "born in the wrong body", that's fine.

If you feel like you "used to be X gender but now you're Y gender", that's fine.

If you feel like you "were an X gender who chose to be a Y gender", that's fine.

If you feel like you've "always been Y gender", that's fine.

If you look at things with your deadname on or pre-transition photos and feel a sense of connection or recognition, that's fine.

If you look at things with your deadname on or pre-transition photos and feel like it's a completely different person, that's fine.

If you feel like you "killed the X gender you used to be", that's fine.

If you feel like "the X gender you used to be is still here but they're Y gender now", that's fine

Personally, I like to say that the little girl is still around, she just lets me do the talking now.

It's your experience and you can describe it however you choose.

[patchoulicigarettes]

doberman femme bulldog butch what’s better than this

[patchoulicigarettes]

Kanto Starter Pokemon Japanese Ukiyo-e Style Artwork made by Lanipuna

[patchoulicigarettes]

funny phrases to use when something goes wrong instead of jokingly saying "i'm going to kms":

i'm going to kill god

i'm going to delete my blog

i'm going to explode

i'm going to blow up this entire website

i'm going to become the joker

this is going to be my villain origin story

i'm being so brave about it

fuck it we ball

god had to nerf me because i was too powerful

i'm too pretty for this

all according to plan

feel free to add on

[patchoulicigarettes]

F*g is a slur and no amount of quirky posts is gonna make you cool for using it

You have rights because faggots and dykes fought for them. Respect that you cunt

[patchoulicigarettes]

Infighting only helps our oppressors.

Infighting only helps our oppressors.

Infighting only helps our oppressors.

Infighting only helps our oppressors.

Infighting only helps our oppressors.

[patchoulicigarettes]

Cops are trained to be bad. Anyone who insists on being good is not welcome.

[patchoulicigarettes]