patches-in-my-thoughts

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Seen someone say “I can’t die, I got graves to dance on that hasn’t been dug yet.” And honestly, that goes hard. We need to keep that energy.

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LIKE TO CHARGE REBLOG TO CAST LET'S GET THIS FUCKER EXPLODEDED

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i think i'll watch gay porn tonight and touch my personal penis. every day is a gift you can give to youreself....

[patches-in-my-thoughts]

wore my thigh high boots on a walk today and we had to take a path through some long grass and while everyone else was rolling their pants into their socks and putting on jackets to protect themselves from ticks i was standing there smug as hell in my thigh high leather boots.

[patches-in-my-thoughts]

sick post i just found online. sorry i couldnt find the source

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Otra víctima el Chupacabra

[patches-in-my-thoughts]

why are you microwaving carbonated drinks that feels wrong.

IDK, most people hate it, but I'm also the person that purposely lets coke go flat because I like it better flat so me and carbonated drinks have a weird relationship.

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it's crazy that madame tussauds has been around since the 1800s. they barely had celebrities back then. "ooh its a wax sculpture of voltaire" bitch how would you know

[patches-in-my-thoughts]

i’ve been told by various european friends that the most american sentence i’ve ever said is “sophomore year of college, some friends and i road-tripped thirteen hours to florida for spring break.”

and now i can confidently say this is the most guy-who-lives-in-paris sentence i’ve ever said: “today i was cycling to meet a friend at buttes-chaumont and i went over some cobblestones and my baguette got launched out of the bike basket into the middle of the roundabout”

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i wish you guys could hear the noises i'm making. what the fuck is that thang

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Don't be mad, but I changed my name to your dog's name and then I robbed a bank, and now they're coming to your house to arrest your dog.

[patches-in-my-thoughts]

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I really don't care if Miley Cyrus smoked a bong. She's 18? She can live her own life...

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Puppies getting warm and toasty by the fire, ok?

[patches-in-my-thoughts]

a professor told his class “consciousness doesnt exist. there are only neurons”

a student stood up “would you eat a raw egg and then drink oil and vinegar?”

“no” the professor replied.

“would you eat mayonnaise? perhaps on a sandwich or with some fries”

“of course” the professor replied, unsure of the purpose of this inquiry.

“mayonnaise is made from these very things and yet when combined, new properties arise.”

the professor was astounded. “what is your name?” he demanded

“shadow the hedgehog” said the student