pastgrowth-futureglow

[pastgrowth-futureglow]

Why it’s important to check on those who check on everyone else.

Everyone has that friend, relative or associate they know who’s always checking to make sure others are doing ok, getting through the day. How many of us are returning that favor? More often than you realize those closest to you are the ones that need the reaching hand.

It’s easy being the person who always wants to make sure everyone is ok, being the friend or spouse that you believe you should be. For a lot of people it comes natural caring is just a way of life. You call, you check in... send a simple “I love you” just so they know you’re thinking of them. What happens when you need that help? Of course you’re too proud tho mention it. You’ve painted this picture of the well put together person so those around you don’t know that you’re hurting. Why is that? Why do we feel as a people because someone paints a perfect picture that they must “be fine” “mentally stable”.

So now you suffer in silence... you’re hurting inside. Yet you smile and laugh in the midst of it all. Though it may be small, a small problem could lead to a world of mental issues. So much so that it effects your daily routine. Why is it that you can turn on that light and give someone else the very advice that you should be following? We can speak it.. but we can’t walk it. Why? Because it’s easy to say it but the execution is like digging from under a brick wall. That first break of air will cause a complete break down and of course you can’t show weekness. That’s not an option. So no one knows the truth, your struggles. Until it’s too late... you’ve hurt yourself.

Some people cut in silence. Others use many forms of drugs to harm themself. Then there’s those who hurt others. Mental illness is exactly that.. an illness. You don’t have to be always sad to have a mental illness. More often than not it’s the ones who are always happy that suffer the most.

This is why it’s important to check on those who are always checking on you! Even if you always see a smile, an “hi just thinking of you” goes a long way. Who knows what moment you may catch them in. Make the time to be there for those who are always there for you!

[pastgrowth-futureglow]

A Day In The Life

Try waking up mid life and not knowing if you are living the “true you”. You’ve always had self doubts but this was different, this somehow feels like you’re trapped. Your body is constantly changing in ways you don’t want it to. You’re eating to cope with the change, which in turns makes your body worse. There’s things in places they shouldn’t be… ya know normal shit right? That’s a day in the life.

I never really noticed how often I tugged at my shirt to hide the fact that I had breast, or to just feel a little more comfortable in my own skin. It’s not really something I spoke about considering I didn’t know where to start. I don’t have everything figured out and to open that door seemed more confusing than it was worth. So how does one make themself feel a little more comfortable?

Lots of layers

Shower, avoid the mirror at all cost (unless it’s to pick at your face of course) don’t stare too long. Take your clothes into the bathroom to with you to avoid having to leave after the fact to change. No one can bare to see you this way right? So what do you wear? Well lets start head to toe. There’s your sports bra followed by a tank top… followed by a T-shirt and then finally your shirt you plan to wear for the day. YUP…You read that right.. By the time I’m done I’m wearing four pieces of clothing just on the top half of my body!

It’s crazy to think/write about it because I never gave it second thought when doing it. It’s just what I did. It’s what made me comfortable, It was my normal. I bet you’re thinking what’s on the bottom right? I mean all those damn shirts it must be the same down below. Well you’d be right.. sorta. For the longest time I never wore shorts, no real idea why, I just never did. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I hated my knees from all of my sports injuries.

Underwear is imperative, the wrong underwear can just ruin your entire day so it has to be right. After numerous back and forth trials and errors I found that I LOVE extra long boxer briefs. They keep my comfortable, they don’t ride up and I feel secure. Which in my case is extra important. After you’ve found the right pair you then have a pair of shorts (you know… to hold everything in). Shorts give a sense of comfort that your underwear can’t provide. Now I don’t mean some saggy nasty looking shorts that the entire world will see if you bend over. These are more snug and close to you, they should almost feel like tights (but not that tight lol). Then there’s your pants (cause you don’t wear shorts remember). You’re pants are actually pretty lenient. Jeans, joggers, sweats.. etc. However; whatever you wear it has to ALWAYS be presentable.

Your feet are simple just NEVER! EVER show your feet, so all you wear are tennis shoes and boots. See simple.. toss on some socks, some kick ass nikes and you’re ready to go. So lets recap: four items up top, three down below and never wear flip flops ALWAYS tennis shoes. You’re now comfortable in your skin. Sadly it could be 110º out and it wouldn’t alter my wardrobe.

About two months ago I looked into binding, I’d done so back in college but it was very casual considering that I had ZERO breast. (it’s no wonder I was more comfortable then than I am now). It’s rough looking into something so intimate but I couldn’t be more happy for myself that I did. Though It’s not a complete fix, it’s a start. My eating habits are a work in progress, but my self comfort has maximized to all new heights. Since binding I’ve cut out all under shirts. Which was a HUGE thing for me. I can’t remember a time before now that I didn’t layer before now. This dates all the way back to my middle school days. I’m actually wearing shorts.. now, but that started a little bit before binding. I think I now own more shorts than I do pants. I can’t say that I’ll ever cut out my undershorts though (not cause of a comfort thing) because I just feel naked and weird wearing only underwear and pants. Doesn’t seem natural, lol.

I plan to continue this journey no matter where it may lead, and hopefully I come out a better version of me on the other side.