pastellar1ne

[pastellar1ne]

Okay I COMPLETELY forgot to reblog with the corresponding headcanons. Here they are

- Gray's father is English, making him English-French. However, due to knowing why his father left, Gray dislikes associating with his English half and does not mention it.

- Gray received accommodation for his autism at school after being diagnosed, but his mother refused to accommodate him, as accommodating him meant acknowledging that he was disabled.

- Gray learned English from a young age in school, and therefore could already speak fluent English before he reached adulthood. If you were to hear him speak it, however, it would be with a rather thick French accent.

- Gray does not fully understand the extent to which his mother mistreated him growing up, often dismissing signs of mistreatment with excuses such as financial struggles, heavy workload, and stress.

- While now being no-contact with her, Gray often wonders if his mother has ever seen him on a poster, in a newspaper, on a TV interview, in a film... and, if she has, does she recognise his surname? His face? Does she see a son in him now?

- Gray's full deadname is Charlotte Amélie Monet, with his full name now being Gray Spencer Monet. He has no plans to change his surname without marriage.

- Gray's miming abilities are a genuine supernatural power, which he discovered in his adolescence when rehearsing for a school production. Afraid of how people react, he kept them hidden away from everyone — however, he now proudly flaunts his abilities, and uses them quite comfortably. They are frequently featured in his films, and often used for gags.

- Gray primarily works in the comedy genre, sometimes overlapping with other genres in the process to make things more interesting; however he can, and has, produced serious pieces.

- Due to his mother viewing him moreso as an achievement-producer than a child, Gray was often pressured to succeed, and was berated and punished if he failed or made mistakes. Thanks to this, he is an extreme perfectionist and a harsh self-critic, but he can also be quite show-offy and braggy if he is proud of something he has done (which typically worsens if this pride is validated).

- Tying into the above headcanon, Gray's life growing up lacked any social or personal aspect, leaving a lot to be desired as he buried himself in his school, work (once old enough), and helping his mother. Due to both this and his autism, Gray can struggle socially as he hasn't had as many social experiences and opportunities as most people — Gray can also struggle to shut off his 'work mode' upon getting home, being so used to overworking himself for his mother's validation.

- It's implied in the paragraphs but I want to make it clear. Gray was never praised, celebrated, validated, or complimented for any achievements he got. Gray's achievements were used by his mother as a way to uplift herself and make herself look like a better mother in the eyes of others because she had a 'perfect child'. This is why she was so worried about other people's opinions regarding Gray being autistic and transgender, besides also being generally against those things.

- Gray misses his mum a lot. He can also get upset if she is insulted, or if you try to insinuate that she is a bad person. While he is aware she is flawed and shouldn't have done what she did, he doesn't want to come to terms with what she did to him being bad or making her a bad person.

- Gray left for his conservatoire when he left his lycée at 18, and returned at around 21. He had known he was transgender since he was 14, but believed that he wouldn't be taken seriously until he was an adult — hence why he waited so long to come out to his mother, who was the first person to find out.

- Camille's reaction to Gray being transgender made it harder for him to come out to others, and he keeps it private. None of the public know he's transgender, and he prefers it that way.

Gray.

Okay the people want headcanons and I don't know where to start but I guess I should lay the foundations with some background for contextual purposes. I'm starting to write this at nearly 2am so please forgive any errors, and I'm starting with Gray because I'm brainrotting him specifically right now

Charlotte was born in France to a single 19-year-old mother, Camille Monet. Camille's boyfriend abandoned her when he found out that she was pregnant because he didn't want the responsibilities of fatherhood that young, and a lot of her family cut ties with her for having a child that young because they believed that it made her a 'slut'. This left Camille without much financial or childcare support when raising Charlotte, and this was especially difficult with already being lower class.

Thankfully for Camille, Charlotte was far from a problem child, even if she was a little weird. She matured and gained independence relatively early due to Camille often having to leave her home alone while she worked long hours to support them, she helped out with a lot of chores around the house because she understood that her mum was tired and already working a lot, and she was consistently good in school - both in behaviour and academics.

Camille often bragged about how good her daughter Charlotte was to the friends she gained over the years, and held her achievements high for others to see, as if they were her own - as if she wasn't leaving her daughter in the dark. At 15, Charlotte's perceived weirdness was explained when she was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder due to recommendations from her school, and Camille left that in the dark with her - believing that a disability 'dirtied' the achievements.

However, Charlotte's autism became harder for Camille to ignore when she took a step forward in her special interest and temporarily moved away to attend a conservatoire for acting. Charlotte had always had a deep interest for acting, particularly in silent films, and miming; even attending theatre courses during her time in lycée - but Camille had always assumed that it was a fleeting interest, something she would not pursue as a career. She never believed her daughter to be serious when it was discussed; it was just a childish dream, her daughter would understand that as she grew older, she had hoped, and pick something more realistic.

When Charlotte returned home from her studies three years later, Camille hoped to discuss her concerns about her career path with her; she longed to reason with her, to help her come to a more realistic conclusion - but the discussion came sooner, and more violently, than she had hoped, when her daughter proposed something new.

Gray.

Her daughter claimed to be a son.

Camille and Charlotte had a horrible argument that night, of the likes of which neither of them had ever had before - or anticipated having. Camille despised her daughter's decisions - the way that she longed for a dream that was impossible, a dream that she had wasted money and time on to have an education in, and the way that she believed such a blasphemous idea. To be a son. To no longer be an achievement. An argument so awful that, despite their past connections, Charlotte promptly packed her things, and was gone within the week.

Not just from home, but from France, and from Europe as a whole.

Charlotte moved to the United States, where she hoped to rebuild not only her life, but herself. Despite what her mother believed, despite what her mother had said that night; Charlotte was going to be a silent film actor - but not as she was now. The world would know his name.

Charlotte worked multiple jobs for several years, as she collected experience to boost her in her future acting career, and began to learn American Sign Language - eventually choosing to become voluntarily mute, once finally fluent and comfortable. Experience wasn't the only thing she collected however; as she found herself saving money. Money that, one day, finally changed her. Made him who he truly was. Charlotte walked into the doctor's office for the last time that morning, and Gray walked out.

He had never felt more free.

He had never felt so much like a person. Something beyond an achievement. Something of his own.

Not long after healing from his transition, Gray began auditioning at film studios; desperately attempting to propose his idea - to sell it someone, something, somewhere. For a moment, Gray worried for the reality in what his mother had said that night; until somewhere returned his call.

Starr Studios.

Okay that's it :33 thank you for reading if you got this far, I'll probably reblog this with some headcanons that directly relate sometime tomorrow... finishing writing this at nearly 3am. Goodnight everyone

[pastellar1ne]

That one tag / author note (forget which) from Ao3 that's something like "So you may be wondering 'How did you come up with this ship?' well, let me tell you, mental illness"

I need my Brawl Stars followers to know I ship Barley x Byron x Lola x Gray x Kit.

Kit has been humanised, I'm not shipping people with a cat. There are two versions of the ship depending on if I use human or robot Barley.

The primary / nesting relationships are Barley x Byron and Lola x Gray x Kit, but that doesn't mean the secondary relationships have any less love in them.

There IS a large gap because the ages go 34 (Gray), 38 (Lola), 57 (Byron), 63 (Kit), 65 (Barley). However I fear I don't care about large age gaps between consenting adults.

"Why did you come up with this ship?" multishipper Heaven is just making them ALL kiss and I'm making it work

Ship names I have are

- The Poly, The Group, The Gang, The Pentagram for all 5. Very creative I know, this is just how I've been referring to the entire relationship.

- Lolray and Achromatic Ego are for Lola x Gray specifically. I don't particularly use these anymore unless I'm talking only about Lola and Gray's romantic relationship, as I didn't originally have Kit in the poly.

- Lolkitray and Show Cast are for Lola x Kit x Gray.

- ByronBarley and Snake Wine are for Byron x Barley.

[pastellar1ne]

in da RV,doing stuff

gotta crave new idea cuz i need to experiment with random style i wanna try-

more will out soon

[pastellar1ne]

Darryl which i drew for my friend for valentines day

[pastellar1ne]

this bloodline I swear to god

[pastellar1ne]

STOP BEING SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT YOUR CREATIONS STOP SECOND GUESSING WHAT YOU REALLY WANNA DO STOP DEBATING IT'S WORTH. LET YOUR ART SERVE YOU INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY AROUND

[pastellar1ne]

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I fell asleep in my friends' arms. It was eleven at night, we were tired, curled up in a small pile on my tiny bed. I had my head buried in my roommate's side, and one of my closest friend's hand on my shoulder, steadying me. It was quiet and nothingness and peace and their heartbeats in my ears, my hands in their hair.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

We pack four people to that little bed, you know. Laps used as footrests, collarbones as pillows, little lights like moonlight in rustic yellow bathed on their faces. The TV plays an anime. The words are repeated by my dear friend on my shoulder, curled close. My legs are asleep; my roommate may be, too.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

The cat curls on top of our criss cross mess of legs and arms and heads on chests to absorb the warmth of us all. She purrs in contented peace. When my roommate and I are left alone in the quiet, she cries, and watches the door for our friends' return.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I will never kiss them but the top of their heads. I will never touch but the warmth of their arms. I will never take more than what's freely given, and in return I put my glasses on the bedside table fashioned from a guitar amp, and when I lean into their sides, I pick up my vulnerability and place it in their capable, tender hands.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I sing for them. I cry for them. I work and I run and I withstand the worst of the world for them, because some days I get to cradle their forehead on my shoulder and some days I get to see their shining eyes.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

Maybe to you. But look beyond explanation. I love them. With my heart in my unsteady hands, with my nose pressed to the side of their head, with the buzzing in my feet and the warmth all around Iike the sunset pushing into the window.

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

Is it enough to say I love them? With no strings attached? With reckless abandon and utter devotion and freedom and kindness and fear?

"there is no platonic explanation for this--"

I cannot explain it any clearer. I love my friends. There is no more to say.

[pastellar1ne]

Snowtel trio !

[pastellar1ne]

Why is it when there IS Aromantic or Asexual representation in media, it’s almost always AroAce and not Ace with no Aro or even less common, Aro with no Ace? Like c’mon, just give us some more nuance other than “I would rather die than come into contact with another human being.”

[pastellar1ne]

revamping one of my gray design from december

this is just his actual appearance now

edit: gotta scratch those up, he now can have another version based on his first design, night are dream-like while day are real life

[pastellar1ne]

hangover

(not a ship art)

[pastellar1ne]

Dont ask me why

[pastellar1ne]

Tell me ur fav Brawl Stars ships and I’ll rate it and say my opinion on it

Also frurps

@rainestormroom @theberriesncream @wotermelancake @8bitchmain @bixvibes @conyferoustree

Edit: It also have to be appropriate

Also specify if Platonic or Romantic

[pastellar1ne]

Tell me ur fav Brawl Stars ships and I’ll rate it and say my opinion on it

Also frurps

@rainestormroom @theberriesncream @wotermelancake @8bitchmain @bixvibes @conyferoustree

Edit: It also have to be appropriate

Also specify if Platonic or Romantic

[pastellar1ne]

Some Juju and Griff drawings i madee todayy

[pastellar1ne]

Fat people can never JUST BE FAT.

We can't be fat because it's just a normal way for a body to be, people always have to have all these "reasons" for "why" people might be fat, as if we need to justify our bodies, justify why our bodies are the way they are. As if we need to have a "reason" for "why" we are fat.

It always has to be "oh they can't help it", "oh they just don't have access to healthier foods!", "oh it's because-" MAYBE I'M JUST FUCKING FAT AND THAT'S IT. THAT'S THAT. NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS ABOUT IT, THAT'S IT.

If your fat acceptance has to include all these "justifications" and "reasons" for "why" our bodies are the way they are, I don't think you accept us as much as you think.

[pastellar1ne]

Being obssesed with this trio (especially griff)