pastel-vent

[pastel-vent]

Today was a good day. My friend gave me Reese’s and I actually drew something I’m proud of. It ended a little meh but overall a good day. Having good days always scares me though, I feel like it’s all going to go wrong? Like an ominous feeling?

I was productive today-preparing for next year since I have a lot going on-specifically to distract myself in case my brain decides to have a mental breakdown since me having a good day is.. crazy lol. I enjoy being productive, I just hate it when my efforts end up being in vain-getting a bad grade and stuff like that. We are about to start filming in my Advanced Video class and I’m excited but suuuuuper anxious, this is our first *real* project and I, somebody who will probably be doing the scriptwriting, putting a ton of pressure on myself to make a good movie and impress my teacher. I like him; he doesn’t sugarcoat things and is honest-every compliment he gives is earnest and that’s really awesome. I’m also doing decent in my Advanced Math class-91% overall since I got 17.5/20 on a test. My dad got kinda upset at that, which hurt but I’m kinda numb to it at this point, and I know he just wants me to succeed. I hate this feeling though-of knowing I’m in the wrong yet still feeling resentment and frustration-I kinda wish I still went to therapy, but my parents don’t believe in social anxiety. Overall, a decent day.