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thppppp

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i’m absolutely screaming my 6th graders had to write essays about their favorite celebrities and one girl wrote hers about abraham lincoln

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When I was little, I ran up to my dad and told him excitedly, “Mom said I was a lesbian!”

He looked startled.  “I don’t think she told you that,” he said slowly.

“Yes she did!  She said I was a lesbian!”

“No, I’m pretty sure she didn’t…”

I started getting mad.  “She did!  She said I was good at acting!”

“…That’s a thespian.  A thespian.”

“…Oh.”

But in the end I just grew up to be a lesbian.

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last night i had a dream that i met mother earth and if u were wondering what she looks like it’s dwayne the rock johnson in a flowy white sun dress with rly good winged eyeliner 

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Guy Drops Everything To Travel The World But Doesn’t Forget To Assure His Mom He’s Fine

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me, as a spy: ok gotta be quiet gotta be sneaky my joints: *crack*

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This woman confronts racism in the funniest way possible.

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The last week has been so ridiculous even the satirists can’t take it any more

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You know you’re a 90s kid when you have no good source of income and want to die

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video game: allows me to double jump

me: double jumps for no reason, double jumps all over the place, double jumps just to walk around, double jumps over buildings, double jumps off the buildings, double jumps over npcs, double jumps over the person talking to me, double jumps over the enemy, double jum

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The blink-182 song that brought it all back to the band I fell in love with. 

I’m in deep with this girl but she’s out of mind She said, “Babe, I’m sorry but I’m crazy tonight”