pan-and-tired

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every time that i drive through winchester, va i become insufferable and i am sorry

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worlds slowest fanfic author tries really really hard

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i’m driving home thinking about my silly little fictional characters. a car flashes their lights at me. i slow down. there’s a state trooper sitting in the parking lot of a baptist church. on all levels except physical i’m making out wet and sloppy style with the light flasher.

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Alien pulling your sleeve to get your attention: and who is this Cunt you all serve

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I love personalization. I love stickers on water bottles and on laptops. I love shitty marker drawing on the toes of converse. I love hand embroidered doodles on jeans. I love posters on walls. I love knick knacks on shelves. I love jewelry with goofy charms. I love when people take things and make them theirs.

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id say hell yeah brother to anyone

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every time i reblog one of your posts it's me moving my pinkie closer and closer to your pinkie and one day i will reblog enough posts for our pinkies to interlock

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would be so cool if my wips would write themselves. they’re gonna be so cool to read but the horror is that i must finish them first

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we don't make enough fun of Batman for not being a vampire. seriously this guy:

nightwalker, lurks in the shadows

goes flying through the city at night hunting down his quarry

romps around in a dramatic ass cape

lives in a gothic manor that is definitely haunted (by the narrative, the ghosts of the past, etcetera)

served by a single devoted familiar servant who seems to share some portion of his strange powers

has multiple fledglings proteges he recruits and trains to share his dark powers

the source of great, often contradictory lore (conflicting reports on his powers/weaknesses/backstory, varies by canon)

unaging (his publication history spans how many decades?)

clearly has some sort of arcane powers superhuman abilities, despite making a huge effort to pass as a Normal Human Guy

autistic bisexual

notice i didn't even mention the whole BAT themed everything. and we're expected to believe this character is NOT a vampire? i'm being baited.

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Hold on pause what do you mean fish are incapable of sin.

They weren't destroyed i the biblical flood, where god got rid of every sinning living thing.

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why is shopping for computer shit so difficult like what the hell is 40 cunt thread chip 3000 processor with 32 florps of borps and a z12 yummy biscuits graphics drive 400102XXDRZ like ok um will it run my programmes

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I've been waiting for months to post this. happy birthday to the character of all time.

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I need you to understand that when I say "comments are appreciated!" I mean that I will reply to every one of them. I mean that an email with an ao3 notification has a higher priority than a message from my mother. I mean that I will have entire discussions in the comment section if you're up for it. Message me on tumblr and I will have the same discussions on an even more unhinged level. I will dissect entire personalities and ships and fictional political structures and worldbuilding with you. I will become your new best friend. You already ARE my new best friend. At the last battle, I would raise Anduril and say "For my ao3 readers" while a single tears rolls down my cheek, and dive into the fray. I would upload from beyond the grave if someone asked about the next chapter

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The concept of mazes and labyrinths is frankly quite funny. Like yeah this is a confusing and elaborate arrangement of walls that we specifically designed for your dumb ass to get lost in. It serves no other purpose. It's not trapping you, you'd be free to walk right out if you only figured out how. You are only imprisoned by your own stupid ass that walked in willingly and now can't figure out how to get out. Is there a monster roaming around here with you? Probably not, but you're free to imagine there is one.

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Parents having more than one gay son is always so fucking funny to me like. Your mom is a faggot factory