painalwaysremainsx

[painalwaysremainsx]

bali looks beautiful on you.

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a fairy.

so, you’re adorable. got it. as if we didn’t already know. opposites attract like i said before. kind of shitty that you assumed that i’d dip. i’m not my father.

[painalwaysremainsx]

nah, i’m pissed.

how you left it was shitty. sorry i couldn’t be perfect. sorry that i’m the thing that goes bump in the night. but if mytrue self bothers you, then you can fuck off. such a damn shame.

[painalwaysremainsx]

need to be held for a whole week straight

[painalwaysremainsx]

paris, the city of romance and lights.

funny, never thought i would be in a spot like this in my fucking life. i’ve had partners, one from back in jersey, some random girl i met on instagram, but nothing to note or last long. i don’t know if its my schedule or the fact that i don’t exactly care or have the emotionally compacity to hold onto someone for more than a night, for more than a moment of pleasure. so, this is terrifying to me. what if i end up like my father? saying i’m here for commitment, get married, kids… but just fuck around and drink my shit away? nah, i’d rather have someone new in my sheets every night, someone that wouldn’t care if i left, someone i wouldn’t have ties with.

but then you came along. i don’t know how you stirred something in me, and not just for me coming back for more of the same thing. no, i want to get to know you, what makes you smile, laugh, what makes you cry, who your favorite artist is, who gave you trauma… every angle of your shape, i want to know. its fucking terrifying since i don’t know if you want the same. but there was something how you would tug me along while shopping, rub my back while we were looking at chains. strange, wasn’t full pda but wasn’t just friends either.

but i don’t want to overthink tonight. its my last night with you before we must return to our worlds. unsure when we’ll see each other again, and that in itself is terrifying. who knows if we’ll touch each other the same way again? but i can’t overthink. for now, i want to smoke another blunt, look at you in the lingerie i bought with you and listen to some fucking etta james.

[painalwaysremainsx]

Fly me to the Moon Let me play among the stars Let me see what spring is like On Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand In other words, baby, kiss me

Feel my heart with song And let me sing forever more You are all I long for All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true In other words, I love you…

[painalwaysremainsx]

something about you in paris.

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waking up to you, in my shirt, was a great way to spend this morning. i don’t know that feeling something would happen.

usually, i would keep these moments to something short, not something to repeat unless there is a common ground. but, this shit seems to be out of some book. waking up in france, in fucking paris, your curls all over the place. the sun through the curtains, peeking while it found a home on your cheekbone. the sleepiness in your voice, half open eyes before rolling you over. normally, i would dip and not repeat anything from the night before, but here we are.

you’re warm and you’re beautiful. i wish we could stay here… just a bit longer than this trip.

[painalwaysremainsx]

“are you okay” no bro i constantly feel like i am too much but simultaneously not enough

[painalwaysremainsx]

idk if i even want someone. the moments tangled in sheets are just fine for me. who would even want a demon?

[painalwaysremainsx]

is it bad that i’m constantly baked? it makes me not feel a thing, yet everything at once.

[painalwaysremainsx]

fuck,

feelings, touch, more things i didn’t expect happened. sure, we made clear that we’d smoke and fuck… but waking up to you with the sun coming through the balcony, sun hitting your cheekbone. not what i expected. and you want me to hang around with you while you explore? that sounds like a date(s) to me.

but why? is it how you laugh and deal with my shit? is there that wall i’m intrigued to break down? is it the fucking fact we have matching tattoos and shit is practically permanent. did we already make this from the start without intention? did we see the future?

i don’t like that i’m even fucking thinking because that means you made me feel something that could potentially last. thats fucked.

[painalwaysremainsx]

if you don’t want me, don’t waste my time.

[painalwaysremainsx]

the coldness, the lack of affection, just wanted to fuel my desires is hilarious to me now. i’m slowly becoming a bigger piece of shit than i was. romance isn’t in the cards, but getting high and fucking is.

[painalwaysremainsx]

[painalwaysremainsx]

sometimes i forget we have matching tattoos. with the shit thats all over my arm, but now we’re talking again, its more visible. how do you feel about it? do you care about it? you dogged on me for joking about cover it up, so does that mean you think about it?

[painalwaysremainsx]

its kind of wild how quick i can move on, forget or just deattach is almost scary. every day i become more and more like my father.