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fighting over posts on tumblr.com how absolutely lame of the both of us
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i was giving you grace at the start, but seeing how you’ve been handling all this has soured everything
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i did read your blog tonight and have been reading your blog, and you know what, after every mean thing i’ve read about myself i don’t even fuck care anymore :)
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for what it’s worth, i don’t think i’ll ever get over you either…
#but after reading the hurtful things you had to say‚ even if it was out of frustration‚ i can’t do it anymore#at least not anytime soon
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also i read all of your angry post from the other day. i saw it all and yes it did fucking hurt to see you saying that shit about me
#i’ll never let you know that though#as far as things go. i want you to know i’m happy and thriving#i have a shit ton of new friends that i enjoy hanging out with#ALSO two can play in the game of trying to hurt each other#one of the security guards started making moves a few days ago#and if you get to go to bars to flirt with people and download apps to fuck then i don’t see why i can’t do the same#just found out he was interested a few days ago and have been just going along with it because why the fuck not at this point#having the audacity to ask me not to move on anytime soon while trying to do it yourself#i 100% had every intention to not move on anytime soon but if you get to then why can’t i?#so i don’t see why i should have even the slightest bit of loyalty to you anymore#also the fucking audacity of you to message me and ask me not to ever marry anyone else??#mf you didn’t even want to marry in the first place why should i listen to you??
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also i didn’t fucking cheat on you!!! do i find people at my new job attractive because i’m seeing that people in fact don’t live like you and actually take care of themselves? yes, but it was all just surface level shit. did i break up with you because i was planning on moving on to one of them? no!! why is i so fucking hard for you to believe the reasonings i gave?
sorry i want to eventually be married to someone that actually wants to marry me. sorry i don’t want to be your live-in maid. so sorry i want someone who showers and brushes their teeth at least semi-regularly. sooo sorry for being hurt for months after finding out the person i loved was choosing to move across the fucking country and leave me behind because they wanted to live in some cluster fuck city that i have always expressed i do not like. and also big fucking sorry to you for not telling you i wanted you to stay because i didn’t want you resenting me for “holding you back” and wanting you to come to the decision on your own to pick me over some fucking city and not because i begged you to stay
#too late for the resenting part though since you already resent me for ‘convincing’ you to come back to tucson#even though i never asked you to do so#you fucking came back on your own. yes it’s probably because i was crying and didn’t speak for hours because i completely shut down#but i never asked you to!! i was fully prepared to let you stay there no matter how hurt i was going to be#you were the one who asked me if you shoud come back not the other way around#you came back because you said you also needed to withdraw money and change banks#but as far as i fucking knew you had every intention of going back#also don’t fucking say you picked me over new york#from the looks of it you ran out of the money to be able to afford the rent over there and didn’t really have any other option
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also the whole marriage thing?? wtf do you mean i said i never wanted to get married?? never once in my life have i said that. i had every intention of marrying them and i thought they did too. cheesy as it sounds i even started making a fucking pinterest board after they first told me they loved me. when we broke up they told me they never want to get married, but they’d do it if i wanted to, which is not the grand gesture they thought it was. if i’m marrying someone i want them to 100% want to marry me, not feel like they’re just doing it out of obligation
#they would even fucking joke about eloping??? so why would i assume that meant they didn’t want to get married#they talk a whole bunch of shit about me not communicating shit when they also don’t fucking communicate either#why did i have to find out almost a year into our relationship that they had zero intentions of marrying me in the future??
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the way i’ve been trying to stay civil on this whole situation and not say anything that they will definitely see and be hurt by because i know they’re hurting, but then they go and say so many things about me where i feel like i can’t defend myself because i don’t want to embarrass them publicly
#but since it seems like you’ve got no problem sharing stuff i won’t either#you’re gross. plain and simple#you hardly shower. you hardly brush your teeth. you put in zero effort to take care of yourself#and that’s also the whole fucking reason i didn’t want to move in with you#and then it all just got even worse after you were unemployed#and like other people very much noticed#which was embarrassing#when we would stay in hotels or airbnb’s i was also always left picking up your messes#your shit just laying everywhere. dirty clothes‚ shoes‚ and just random assortments of things#those trips‚ although fun and i appreciated the time we had together‚ stressed me out#and gave me a glimpse of what i would have to endure for the rest of my life#i have a hard enough time cleaning up after myself and i didn’t want to be stuck cleaning up after you too#i would consider myself a very hygenic person and although i can be messy i’m no where near what you have shown me#when you brought up finding a place together after we had just gotten back from the bachelorette trip#it made me seriously rethink everything#i got stressed out about living in filth and having to basically be your mom and take care of you#i know exactly how all of the men in your family are and the apple does not fall far from the tree#they all found women who have become their mom and pick up after them. every single woman i have talked to in your family#has flat out said it is a problem and that they are the sole reason all of their homes are clean#and i’m sorry but i truly don’t want that for myself
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main has been compromised. i know they’re still scrolling through my blog and i will admit i’m still checking out their’s so i post vent and personal stuff here now
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☆ new secret blog ☆
about
☆ shannon/peach
☆ 25
☆ thai/lao/white
☆ main
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