p3rs3pho0n3

[p3rs3pho0n3]

A Moonlit Woodland Scene

— Ottoman School

[p3rs3pho0n3]

Thu 17 July 25 23:02

Every time I read something that is promising or interesting or exciting, my mind starts to whirr with possibility, and a million tangents and ideas form, and then I must shut it all down. Is it a lack of energy? A lack of cleanly available tools to organize such things? The already absurd state of all my mental maps that makes it all feel overwhelming? Is it the sickness? It happened just now and as I come to think of it, my head hurts. I'm not sure if I really noticed my head hurts until now. Maybe somewhat, barely consciously a few minutes ago, but not much longer. How much of myself am I unconscious of? I just so badly want to sleep, I want to be healthy and successful again or I want it all to end

[p3rs3pho0n3]

[p3rs3pho0n3]

Tue 15 Jul 25 12:50

Very long and vivid dreams..

In one, I was sent to a house where L*r* and Fr*d and V*ct*r had ties to the woman who ran it, and she was to watch over me, and a few others my age. I must have been a teenager, perhaps. We had been up all night and the sunrise was not too far off, though it was still dark, and we were stuck in a classroom with this woman teaching us while we sat within the rows of desks set up for a larger class. She was tall and big-boned and blunt-boned and pale-skinned with brown hair tied in a low bun and wearing an apron. Something about her was horrible and frightening and oppressive and I rebelled in the classroom, leading the class, and she got enraged at me. I tried to run away and by morning L*r* and Fr*d and V*ct*r had arrived. The sun was golden and they sat at the kitchen table of this big, old, Victorian or post-Victorian house eating cold egg & noodle & lemon soup or some such for breakfast, hunched over at the kitchen table situated in a large kitchen next to the large living and dining rooms with plenty of empty space. I instinctually went to beg them for help, and to get out of there, to stay safe, but before I even reached them I knew this would be a fool's errand, that they would side with her - whether ignorant of her crimes or perhaps, it increasingly felt like, in collusion with her - and I continued to try to run. N*ld* showed up in a car in the gravel driveway next to the big backyard and I tried to ask her for help.

Later I found myself in a large exhibit, like a conference, with a female friend, perhaps S*lv**. We had perhaps driven there, through misty rain covering a bright green forest, perhaps more mediterranean than tropical, or somewhere in between. We walked from a large, high-ceilinged expo room full of tables with people working on things, blue-grey and artificial, down the hall into another room, which was more of a tropical exhibit, containing a path that led through dense tropical forest and on the other hand on a sandy cliff covered in waxy, vivid, green-leaved plants flanking the sandy path. We walked first toward the cliff and then the plants, intending to gather or collect or observe some things, then kept walking in the reverse direction through the forest. At some point M*lc*lm came up to me, or perhaps a message from him through someone else, telling me I had to take care of something, to which I said, alright, no worries, I'm coming. With me I had a bag full of my things, including clothes, and was wearing a tight, soft red corduroy jacket with gold embroidered accents. I found myself at a large round table where sat M*lc*lm on the opposite end against the wall, and I started to unpack my things messily from my backpack, and leave them skewed around the table. We talked about the plan, and I went to the opposite side of the table and sat next to him. Others were around us, wealthy lib boomers and such, milling around, and opposite the table was a tiny little lobster restaurant, comprised of a large white painted wooden booth with light blue accents, where the boomers were moving to sit to eat their lobster and such. I sat to M*lc*lm's left and as he spoke put my head and left hand against his tan bare chest, his white shirt unbuttoned, and found comfort there, and he allowed me to, and caressed me gently. Then all of a sudden my attention was torn away as someone came to berate me, perhaps one of these boomers, or I noticed something amiss, and I tore my head and hand away too. They had been taking my stuff, and I marched over to the booth and yelled at them, where above them they had placed my clothes on a rack. I told them these were mine, and they protested and angrily insisted that no. I feared if I kept going they'd call the cops on me, or a judge, but I kept going anyway, and said I'd been wearing this red and gold jacket when I came in, and I know they saw me, and I know the'yre liars, and I gathered all my things and packed them back in my bag and left anyway, down the stairs, and I was in the house again with this evil woman, and I think again I saw Fr*d and the others, as well as N*ld* off by herself.

Later in another dream I was walking into a kitchen, like M*r**'s, with N*ld*, but instead of M*r** and M*k* there was H*ll*ry and B*ll Cl*nt*n. H*ll*ry was cooking something in a big pot, and seemed stern, while B*ll stood around cracking jokes. I found myself standing on a balcony with him, of a very tall tan and grey stone house, or perhaps in some church tower, presumably part of this house, looking down at the flat land below - ornate gardens and pools on one side that stood between another stone estate or church, and on the perpendicular side a stone church next to which was situated a stone patio with green and red umbrellad cast iron tables where sat members of the public enjoying ice creams or other lunch foods. The tower we were on had a cast iron railing, and we were high up in the sky, and B*ll was very genial, and mentioned something once about young girls no longer being into him and oh well, and I thought for a moment that I would be willing to hook up with them, but I knew H*ll*ry and she'd be mad and it didn't seem fair to her, so I didn't say anything. I later found myself following around, or being followed around by, a girl around my age, a rich girl with dark hair. The house was dark and we were preparing for people to come over for a party. It was my house but still I did not have the social capital here. We found ourselves on a sofa as others started to stream in, the room was dark but for some very low, distant light, not unlike the red couch room here - same placement to the door and kitchen and door, but smaller. Before us was a wooden coffee table around which sat two other sofas, and a tv perhaps in front of us. The people streaming in were all young celebrities, and I was a nobody. They started to crowd into the couches, and I got a couple texts, at least one of them a group chat, on my phone, though I did not recognize the senders. Up till then I had been seated directly next to the brunette. Then a small, thin blonde girl with short hair and in shorts and a tank with red, white, and blue accent came and made as if to sit between us, so I moved out of the way. She lay on the couch and quickly replaced me with this brunette. Eventually I said I was going to leave and check on things, or do something, and if they needed anything or I did we'd use the group chat and just reunite. They stared at me blankly, and I realized that the texts were not sent by them but someone else, and I was not part of this group. I swallowed my pride and simply left.

Later, in a separate dream, I found myself on the phone with H*s*n, saying "look at this" about different subjects, hoping to get his attention as he sat at his desk, and I couldn't really pique his interest. Then I mentioned something about the riviera, and only then did he start to argue, perhaps somewhat defensively, but perhaps conceding to my point, I don't entirely remember. Then I finally, after 1 or 2 false starts, forced myself to wake up, as it was getting late.

At two points in this dream, and perhaps even on previous nights, I looked at my arm to see large tattoos there, one of them on my left forearm said something I did not agree with, perhaps about how ME can be improved with GET, or some sort of treatment modality I strongly disagreed with. In the first scene I had been worn down - it did not take much to wear me down - into getting these tattoos, and i saw the treatment one and was upset but resigned. I believe this happened in the old house. In the reprisal, which may have happened in the party scene, I saw the tattoos and was upset and almost internally panicking about what I would do, how I would hide them if I wanted a job in finance, and I desperately settled on makeup, because removing them wouldn't guarantee their elimination and up my risks of cancer.

[p3rs3pho0n3]

Sergius Hruby, 1935

[p3rs3pho0n3]

Ida Rentoul Outhwaite - 1921

[p3rs3pho0n3]

Sun 13 Jul 25 11:55

This morning I had long and vivid dreams though I only remember the latter parts -

I was in school and had appeared somewhat late to class, taught by R*s*m*ry W*lch or someone like her, and the class was laid out similarly to her room except that her desk stood on a slight platform at the front and center of the class before the chalkboard. Or, I was asleep in class near the back right, near where I usually sat, and I'd just woken up quite groggily. She was running 2-person little competitions/games and on account of my apparent unpreparedness she called me up front to be a competitor against my friend, a short, nice girl with short, vivid platinum hair. After coming up to the front behind her desk, I was given 2 arrows with neon yellow arrows and flags on light, smooth wood, with the intent that I was supposed to hit some target at the door or across the classroom or something; then my partner would do the same, and we would do this repeatedly, 10 times or so, while the class watched. My partner was excited, and I felt like I was in a trap set to lose.

At some point I found myself walking the halls of the school, half trullosur, or drunk, or concussed, or sleepy, or something. I looked in 1 or 2 or 3 other classrooms, like a math classroom run by a man white whitening hair but still strong and broad and tall with a square jaw. I found myself at some point in the bathroom, or on the floor outside the bathroom, curled up in a ball. I was looking for water, or wanting a spot to cry, or something. The details are unclear.

I eventually returned to the classroom, the teacher was asleep or away, I was to come back and had spent a lot of time out - I was only meant to be gone for as long as my partner was throwing her arrows in the game, a much shorter time. When I came back the class was in some chaos, all chilling, and my partner intended to go. I sat there waiting for her to even throw my arrows, and when she came back, I was so upset that I slapped her, or barely caught myself from doing so. At that moment the teacher walked in, or woke up, and I was in trouble. She asked me to explain myself as she sat on the doorway-side of the desk and I sat facing the class near her side, and suggested I better drink some scotch or whiskey, to be uninhibited and tell the truth. I said that wasn't necessary, and I was perfectly capable and willing of being truthful. I said my partner had made me wait all this time, and the teacher called me out for my hypocrisy. I told her yes I knew, but still...

And now I sit here thinking about the opportunities I've lost as a result of my own stupidity and laziness, sometimes opportunities I didn't even recognize as opportunities, and took for granted, and that I must remedy my saturn and my mercury (as well as my venus), especially given how much time I've lost...

At some other point in the dream, maybe at or near the very end, I recall looking down from the second floor of the house into the backyard, on the eastern side, and seeing before me that the shed, or some close form of it, had been moved between the bog, perhaps even on the bog, and the shed, with big cream-grey dividers extending toward the fence, and close to it the tent of mold, and all this nearby the original shed and its ingress platform. The sunlight shone gold on this scene, and it appeared much closer than that area is to the window in reality, I noticed when I woke up and passed by those same back windows. I cursed this scene, in despair that now another side of the shed would get moldy. This look down was a reprisal on an earlier part of the dream where I had looked down and seen only a lengthwise ditch or mound or mound next to the ditch made of dirt from the ditch, in the area where this was to be placed, but it wasn't placed there yet, and though I saw clear indications that something was to be placed there, I had breathed a sigh of avoidant relief.

[p3rs3pho0n3]

Old french fairy tales, by Virginia Frances Strrett, 1920

[p3rs3pho0n3]

St 12 Jul 25 9:58

Long and vivid dreams this morning.. I was meeting up with G**rg** *l*x somewhere in the city, or a city, at some sort of subway station, or some covered stair entrance that went underground. He stood at the top of the stairs and called for me to come. I did, walking across the little concrete plaza under some larger outdoor roof, and followed him down the stairs - he was quite a bit ahead of me, and had turned a sharp left underground at the end of the stairs, and kept beckoning for me to come. As I followed him some other man came up behind me, with a gun, looking somewhat demented or out of his mind, yet calm and not filthy. I tried to run, finding it very suspicious, and eventually, as he came closer to me, on the ground floor, he began shooting - slow, black bullets. And shooting and shooting. I don't remember if any of them hit me - I think one did, and I was working on dislodging it, it wasn't like a normal bullet but it wasn't great to have in there either. He had followed me into some sort of room underground and that's where he had hit me, but then had been ushered out by a couple other guys in the room, like *m*r and a couple of his friends perhaps, but younger.

The room was a blueish gray with fluorescent lighting, and had a table in the center. The boys were sitting on a black folding chair in front of the tv, playing some video games. To the right was a window with a grey blinds, and in front of the tv and the table was a couch. There were also two or three others, a woman and a man, seemingly brother and sister perhaps, around my age. They were Fr*nch, and this was P*r*s, and we were to go out. One of them sat on the couch with me, the girl perhaps, and the other on the floor across the table from me. The other boys had already vacated left into what was perhaps the kitchen, and only stood on the periphery of the area. I had apparently dumped out my belongings on the table and had to choose what to wear. Among my items were a forest green top, a beige fuzzy sweater, and red and black turtlenecks - the latter three seemingly similar to tops I've worn in my time here, and all four with long sleeves. I was debating what to wear depending on the temperature, which was cool and misty, and first intended the red turtleneck under the beige sweater, but I knew it didn't look as good, and wanted to switch to the black. I had to do it even though I didn't really have privacy to change, especially in front of the man who was handsome and charming. Over top I intended to wear a leather jacket, like the other two, which apparently I did though I don't know where it came from.

We walked out into the foyer, me trailing behind begging them to bear with me while I changed, then out of the brownstone door onto the top of the slate steps. The man leaned against an iron railing in the misty dusk, before some delicate decorative green trees, and then we set forth down the steps onto the misty spring street, that looked more like N*w Y*rk. We walked through the city in the short night and then made our way to a drive through by morning, still misty and a dusky grey, but walked through it instead. It was some sort of *m*r*c*n transplant company, and as we walked through the empty car line - skipping the order box and going straight to a window where two or three men were busy rapidly preparing food, the woman told them that I was *lb*n**n, as if this was some major news, and asked them if they could tell, and they said, no, how are we supposed to tell? They wore black costumes with red trim, on collared cottons shirts and those stupid little velcro visors. They looked nerdy but competent, and gave me some food which I forget, but I believe involved a pickle, though I do not recall eating it.

Later I found myself in a dream - after I believe waking up from this one quite early, around 5 am or so - where I was again in that sort of industrial, smoky, crowded grey city where I'd been walking with the crowd before in my dreams. On the walk up through the winding road with various tailor shops, I linked up with H*pt*c on the move, who was friendly and happy to see me, and perhaps a friend of his. I walked with him into a medium orange-y wooden paneled lecture hall, not unlike the auditoriums I've dreamt of repeatedly, where he had a class. The hall was built wide at the mouth with long, curved walls which narrowed toward a flat wall at the end where the teacher had her desk. I sat next to or near him at a desk, as a guest, and no one said anything. It was some sort of geography or history class, it seemed. The teacher had shoulder length, bright blonde hair, or perhaps a student did, but in either case, some female stood up at her desk and, with the attention and consideration of the teacher, began to shit on H*pt*c kind of backhandedly, which pissed me off, but we weathered through it and ignored it as the class ended quickly. The teacher walked toward this girl but H*pt*c and his friend and I walked away to the other side of the classroom and avoided getting caught up. We began to walk out back onto the street and as we did so, or before we did so, he pulled out a j**nt, not a ton of it left but burning with bright red embers on its end, and smoking, and asked if I wanted to smoke. He was in a mellow mood.

[p3rs3pho0n3]

The Strand Magazine, December 1905

[p3rs3pho0n3]

Thu 10 Jul 25 11:59

I had three long and vivid dreams this morning, though I forget the first, though I think it involved somewhere close to home. In the second I was in some town, on an empty street full of townhouses, and it was starting to get dusky. Later I found myself on a bike, in front of some boys including J*nny and some others, riding home from the city over hills and stuff, and it was even duskier, a vivid blue, with bright yellow city lights and big steel and glass buildings. We rode down an escalator and across cement sidewalks. I obstinately held my own as they pursued behind me with mockery.

Later I found myself in a dream where my wedding was to be held. I was in a dress in a large parlor, that somewhat reminds me of the parlor where I first confronted death, with that soldier who was killed overseas, except this time of course I was taller and the parlor was much larger. I had red roses and perhaps a red sash, the accent colors in the room were green (of leaves) and a deep rose red. The place was chaos, with lots of people in the room getting ready, and I was nervous. Someone brought in an outfit, that seemed that it might be for me, or for a man. I stood off to the side of the very large room, opposite the door, with my mother and a middle aged handsome blonde man, long hair tied back in a pony tail revealing a strong jaw and weathered skin, who got out the suit and put it on. At first I was horrified, it seemed all wrong, but then he began to put it on - black pants, a white shirt, then over it a black vest, like a suit without sleeves, or perhaps it did have sleeves, I'm not sure, though the image was vivid and seemed important, and then a sort of short brown fur tunic - bear? unclear, but it seemed very rustic, tailored straight from the kill. And I felt relieved at how good and proper and distinguished it looked. Then I woke up

Backlog:

Wed 9 Jul - which I failed to write down before I forgot:

Also long and vivid, involved S*d. The part I remember most vividly was us in a grey and brown modern hotel room in the city, we had been getting along just fine before this, and then some room service I had apparently ordered arrive, that involved three things, that I don't remember well, but were something like this - something brown (perhaps French toast or pancakes), something fruity, like a red and blue berry cup, and then something white, like yoghurt or ice cream with the same red and blue berries piled on top of it, quite large. He was upset because of time, it was morning and we had to go, or perhaps because what I'd ordered was improper and low class, I don't know.

Mon 7 Jul - long and vivid, but forgotten..

Sun 6 Jul - long and vivid, but forgot, although I wrote down these notes:

- S*lv**, house, friend, cream

- has

- garden party

- friends running around

- then things got more macabre

One morning, I forget which, I also dreamt that I was in a parking lot, I believe of H*m* D*p*t, under cloudy skies, and I had to run to my car, which was some truck or SUV to avoid being caught by a man, who turned out to just be D*n**l D*gg*r, who did not want to do harm to me, but simply told "This thing ain't over yet", and I nodded and said ok, and had to remind myself that he was right, for now

[p3rs3pho0n3]

'Spirit of the Night', detail, by John Atkinson Grimshaw, (1836 - 1893)

[p3rs3pho0n3]

Tue 8 Jul 25 10:37

Long and vivid dreams this morning..

First I was living in my dream version of NY, or perhaps P*r*s, in a cheap but sturdy flat with another girl, perhaps *nn*l*s*, but it was above or next to a hair salon / astro salon situated in a short, narrow alley, and it was fine, we were happy. We hung out in the salon and had a good time, and later went up to our flat which was dark but lit by warm yellow lighting. Next door we met two other girls, a bit older than us, or perhaps they were store owners of a tea shop or something like that, perhaps the salon and the tea shop was downstairs, and they acted as our sort of guide. Or perhaps it was that we went in their store to purchase clothes, which specifically my friend wanted but were too girls/french for my usual style, so I just admired the store politely, including a grey lilac leather bag, and that's when we left the store and went to our little flat upstairs and met the girls. We were supposed to go out but I was taking long getting ready, and my friend was impatient with me. The other older girls were sat at the kitchen table watching something, and I went to join them with my friend, while I continued to be slow. Then the other girls or perhaps my friend left through the door between our apartments, and didn't come back, which was odd - something happened where someone was gone, and I was considered this concerning - it seemed like a frightening monster or spirit had taken them. J*** came into my room to join me and more or less told me to chill out, but I had alerted others who also were concerned, like some other friends like *m*ly and K*r*n perhaps, who were horsing around in what had morphed into a hotel room, in a hot humid night at a Fl*r*d* resort, and two older men, who took things seriously, one white-haired with a musket. But apparently the stolen or abducted or hurt or bleeding one was my mother, and when I went downstairs to the computer one she wasn't there, so I panicked and went back upstairs to get ready - perhaps this was one of those reprisals, and this is when J*** told me to chill. I went back down through the green-yellow lit, blue-yellow-green pastel tiled resort lobby, replete with gators and mild flooding, and then down the steps of the house, to find the men in the front seat of my car with their supplies, and now I had to drag J*** to come with us. But before I did I found my m*th*r, who was more or less ok if not with a little bleeding, or perhaps I had imagined the bleeding all along.

Later I was in a dream where I was at the mall with friends including S*ndy, and some others, perhaps K*r*n and V*, in warm casual teenage summer dress, short shorts and such, and we had bags on our warms and were exhausted and greasy from spending a late night at the mall shopping. If a sequence had happened there I don't remember much of it. We were to go home and get some rest, which I did, and I found myself in an early fall or late summer mistral in the late golden afternoon in a house that looked out upon a tree in a field somewhat like S**rr*'s in Tr**p*r. It was late and S*ndy was pissed and wanted me up, and said when the hell are we supposed to go shopping, her arms folded and her face and voice cross, I scrambling to live up to her expectations, or to appease her while I subverted them. Instead I walked my way into *m*ly's room, or perhaps had woken up there, perhaps in her basement, and said hello to her while I lay plank like in the bed, under pink sheets, exhausted and bleary as one is when they pushed their sleep schedule too far the night before. We hadn't seen each other for awhile, but we tried to make as if that wasn't the case, and were open, and I asked her to teach me how to play chess, to which she enthusiastically obliged, and on a screen or chalkboard under a canopy across from me - still in bed - flashed the individual players in their rows across a screen. I thought, let me be black, because I tend to like black, then no, I'll be white, because it's lower status, and i'm the student here. Then after there started to appear writing on the screen that resembled a smaller board, with less squares, all black or dark brown with white divisions and white writing, where the writing involved letters like E and O and perhaps B as well as some numbers, arranged in some gradating pattern down the board which I could see but not understand around the edges of each square. I asked about this, and finally sat up in bed, and she began to explain to me, although we didn't get too far, because then S*ndy came in and got cross with me, I think - perhaps another reprisal, this one more of a shadow the former. I got up and headed out the basement door, out into the windy late summer/early fall afternoon, with *m*ly, out to a windy meadow with soft pink wildflowers, up a hill on which stood a big majestic tree, standing before an enormous vertical mountain up in the distance, granite or some other grey stone, that looked like Y*s*m*t* or those mountains in east *s** or something like that, with a tuft of wild greenery below it. As we walked toward the tree I said, isn't it funny that S*ndy thinks your house is basically H*llyw**d, and she said yeah, and we chuckled a bit, then sat under the tree and began to talk.

We weren't there for long when we got in a car - big and gunmetal with dark leather underneath - to go to the hospital. It was a dusky blue outside now, and the car was more or less driving itself, and I sat on the right, I suppose that was the passenger seat although *m*ly was letting the car drive itself. We sped through the wooded hilly roads of C*ll*g*v*ll*, the trees with their leaves gone, down an enormous hill and then up it at great speed, and as we got up it I asked if I could take control of the car just to slow it down otherwise we would fly over the bump at the top of the hill and it would be uncomfortable and dangerous, to which she said sure, but I only slowed us down in time to temper the bump rather than avoid it altogether. As we came over the bump the town spread before us in yellow twinkling lights, the hill higher and the sight prettier than it is in reality. We had been talking in the car again as old friends who hadn't seen each other in awhile and were uncertain. We reached a hospital and walked through there to find someone - perhaps a girl, who we didn't talk to much, or wasn't there, I'm not sure, but we continued on. The hospital was strangely dark, and there we found a man, *s**n, who had been beat up badly by D**n*. I had had my own issues with her so I was quite appalled, but he was very forgiving, and didn't want to hear much. He was much healed but still in pain, had had to urinate in diapers, or deal with lots of blood, or something, and as he stood up carefully or at first sat up, *m*ly and especially I got to work adjusting the vivid red towel folded lengthwise underneath him on his crisp wide bed, in a large room with multiple other people where he was near the front. He told us not to do it, but we insisted, and moved the towel back up so it began at the head of the bed, and he laid back down. He was kind and clearly in love with D**n*. I thought about what I might tell him, although I don't think I did, and that's around when I woke up.

At some point in the dreams, I believe toward the later ends perhaps but I don't quite remember, I found myself flying over an island that we wanted to get to to look for something, maybe in the dream where we were looking for the abducted person, or perhaps because we simply wanted to travel. It was me and another girl, I forget who, perhaps *nn*l*s*, though I took the lead, and flew across the ocean and around this deserted brown desert island that looked like it had a giant snake wrapped around one side of the mountain that jutted up in a tall point on one side from the sea. I flew around it and across the ocean again and found myself flying over S**th *m*r*c*, but I could see the continent in full view as the strange thing, and I wondered if I had been in *nt*rct*c* somehow, although that didn't quite make sense, and then I flew above M*x*c*, which was covered in snow, and then up into the northern continent.

[p3rs3pho0n3]

'Fireflies at Ochanomizu' by Kobayashi Kiyochika , 1880

[p3rs3pho0n3]

The Infamous Pond, by Maximilian Liebenwein, 1907

[p3rs3pho0n3]

Full moon at the Temple of Poseidon in Sounio, Greece

[p3rs3pho0n3]

Sat 5 July 25 11:35

This morning I dreamt many things. In the second dream I was in Fr*d's house, and had woken up at 4:15 AM, although it was already a golden light out, which confused me when N*ld* told me it was so early - I felt it should've been 8, although perhaps even that was too late. Where I woke up in a bedroom upstairs, K*n* might have been too, I'm not sure. I went downstairs where she was in the kitchen, doing things before the stove. In those days I was not going to school as I was busy doing other things at home, but I surprised N*ld* by saying that I was in fact able to go to school today, and I would do everything I needed to do, it was fine. I determined also that I would help M*k* by asking him for his resume, as he was just starting out as a beginning engineer, and pass it on to people I knew to see if they were looking for an intern. I walked over to the dining room table where L*r* sat at the end of the table, and she hardly recognized me if at all, and hardly looked at me as I appraised her from the side, and was in a grumpy mood, and projected that onto me. Then Fr*d sat at the end of the table, in a black shirt with his arms crossed. I refused to look or speak to him as I ate breakfast - oatmeal - and did so quietly so as not to spark his ire. By now it was dark again, pitch black outside, with only a little golden light from the kitchen. He asked if I was finished, and bid me to follow him outside, which I did. He told me to put my slides on, which sat right outside the door opening onto the deck, or simply put his on, and I ignored it as I thought we were just staying outside. I wasn't sure what he wanted to show me. But he began to descend down the stairs, and I thought that we must be going down into the basement from outside (although there is no such basement entrance outside), so I turned around to put my slides on. He didn't wait and kept going, so I knew I would have to rush to catch up with him. Then I woke up.

In an earlier dream I found myself in a store in N*w Y*rk, the version of the city that exists in my dreams and is quite older and dilapidated. I went from front to back in the store, which was fairly large and contained quite a few things, but mostly quite girly things that didn't quite fit my style. C*thy was there too somehow, as were others, all girls, and the only light was the outside light on a cloudy day - but the store was quite large with high ceilings, so the light reflected quite a bit, even to the back. Some of the items were sparkly and blue and pink, and I did not quite feel like it had anything to offer for me, though at one point I believe C*thy scolded me to find something. After reaching the back of the store where there were sparkly blue and pink kitten themed fluffy slides, I walked to the front of the store, where I saw H*yl*y B*ldw*n and another even lighter blonde girl, perhaps D*k*t* F*nn*ng, who said they were going to another store nearby, that had gear that was perhaps a bit more subdued if not sporty, but also had maternity wear, which sounded like it would stretch to fit everyone from non-maternity all the way through maternity. I wanted to go with them, although it sounded quite expensive, and I wasn't sure I should be spending that kind of money, but I felt somewhat flattered that they'd asked me, or us, although I was the only one considering, to join them, even if their tone was subdued. They stood together at a distance from me on the wide, wide sidewalk to the left of the store in front of a busy blaring Y-tail intersection, and the city looked third world, quite frankly. Before I could make a decision a procession of B*shw*ck-ites walked by, at the edge of what seemed to be a parking lot, from its entrance to behind the store, in front of a row of trees, perhaps whose leaves were falling. They were all punked up and grungy and artsy, and said they were about to be going bar hopping, of which I had fore-flashes of, in a venue I feel I had been before, at least in my dreams, in M*ntr**l. The people I was with yelled out that we were the natural enemies of the B*shw*ck-ites, but I thought, no, that's silly, I think we can suspend our enmity to have fun, and why should we even feel enmity in the first place? They proceeded, and I went back in the store, with H*yl*y and the light blonde still on my mind, still deciding whether to go with them or not.

At some point earlier I may have dreamed of S*d as well although I'm not sure.