ozzieowenwilson-blog - Tumblr blog

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

22/05/22

Good morning

1. Comforting framing of fundamental and necessary realignment of political landscape as unwelcome intrusion - check

2. Cancelled Daily Telegraph subscription - check

Final score:

Australia 3

Negativity 0

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

20/05/22

Good morning

1. Pleasing return to balance on last day of campaign after six weeks of astonishing bias by way of amplification, hysteria, suppression, Liberal opinions proffered objectively as news and much more echoing first day hedge in tacit acknowledgement of Albo's influence in the Rugby League community - check (bonus marks for Liberal-blue and Labor-red text highlights as reminder that State of Origin is imminent, serviceable if somewhat diminishing pun)

2. Democracy's VVV Discredit Rating as failures in Morrison-designed covid election legislation exposed, leading some to query intentional voter suppression - check

3. Uncharacteristically sloppy omission of Kooyong candidate Dr Monique Ryan raising ~$130k in ~5 minutes to mount legal challenge today against government re: validity of covid election legislation (actually it's subordinate regulation, so Minister Morton could fix it quicker than it took Ryan to raise legal fees) - check

4. What a vexed choice between Labor and Liberal - vote for Clive's brazenly hollow populist BigThinks to ensure a return of the Coalition with a clear conscience - check (query electoral wisdom of continually hammering Chinese Australian communities)

Final score: uploading, please wait

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

19/05/22

Good morning

1. Welcome rare appearance on front page of stunt-prone PM in last-minute visual offering to Rugby League Media - check (bonus marks for derisory pun jibing ALP, query timing of stunt)

2. Comforting reminder that nation's powerbrokers are warm souls who hold the common people's interests close to their hearts, in faint suggestion status quo operating perfectly well - check

3. Any trouble - even at the Easter show - and there will be arrests - check

4. Pleasing attribution of cock rock band reference to traditional faith leader in powerful display of the broad reach of Triple M and its associated cultural influence in order to establish context for masterful double pun-scare set piece - check

5. Welcome reacquaintance with Harvey Norman ad spend appropriately timed for dynamic pro-Liberal front page imagery - check

Final score:

The relentless vacuity of Australian media 5

Australia 0

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

18/05/22

Good morning

1. Pleasing prominence ascribed to portrayal as Deep Panic rational response to dutiful Liberal Party handmaidens masquerading as baying media pack relentlessly demanding answers to non-question thereby confecting crisis over non-issue in stark contrast to routinely allowing Morrison daily space to air his essential contempt for accountability and scrutiny over actual problems such as his economic vandalism, corruption, preference to pay people to cook the planet, abuse of women, disavowal of conventions of governance and general habit of lying - check (query increasingly active role of legacy media - note central positioning of Sky News' most punchable Jonathon Lea with "cammo" lackey - in protecting corrosive status quo directly against interests of national and international citizenry ahead of holding ruling class to account, decent pun)

2. Bit of footy - check

3. Gleeful acceptance of UAP ad spend promoting Morrison's captain's pick and failed used furniture salesman as Liberals welcome anti-vaxxers and the generally disaffected thereby positioning to re-enter government through the rear doggy flap - check

4. Curious omission of Tracey Grimshaw absolutely owning indolent PM for 15 minutes live on prime time - check

Final score: Vested interests (not Albo) 4 Australia 0

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

17/05/22

Good morning

Theme: Breaking Baddies (query strained pun / Pop Culture Reference)

1. Warming, comfortably predictable continuing prosecution of gangland war coverage sorely needed in face of prospect of terrifying change (of government) - check

2. Footy has a bad guy, let's break him, and on the front page - check (bonus marks for reference to club owner Arthur Laundy, also the proprietor of the Crossways Hotel in Enfield, the nadir of civilization)

3. Breathlessly excitable delivery of bad polling numbers for bad guy blow-in Kristina Kenneally, a.k.a. ALP's worst cocktail bar - check (ed: product of indefensibly stupid factional deal)

4. Blushing gushing for good guy blow-in Gosling's expression of impeccable taste - check (query 'falls')

Final score:

250 respected economists 1

LNP nakedly political Home Super Saver Scheme 0

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

16/05/22

Good morning

1. Half-Warne significance ascribed to tragic death of quite good, rough diamond cricketer in pleasingly neat narrative fit of unlikely male hero trope (like Albo, nah just jokes) - check

2. Triumphantly uncritical praise of recklessly desperate "Loose Unit" announcement by responsible economic managers (of the Great Wealth Transfer Project) entitling and enticing first home buyers to drain whatever superannuation they have left after being similarly entitled and enticed not long ago in order to:

a) deprive themselves (it's a free country / you're on your own, sucker) of secure retirement via massive gains from compound interest in a low tax environment;

b) drive up property prices ever further; and

c) feather empty nests in typically cynical play for boomer votes - check

(query utility of scheme for low income earners with little to no superannuation to draw on, wonky pun to keep the fiancée interested)

3. Two codes of footy - check

4. Powerful, hegemonic sport and crass retail politics framing in impervious and imperious display of entire country's sole acceptable narrative - check

Final score:

Swannies: 100+

Other team: doesn't matter

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

13/05/22

Good morning

1. Pleasing prominence afforded to independents in pursuit of notoriety and profile by way of pun-laced but fundamentally misogynist attack on doctors' teal wives threatening to pull plug on Murdoch's status quo - check (bonus marks for a) traversing a good lot of typical male fear tropes, b) focus on Tony-slayer, query whether next they'll want to referee rugby league matches, where does it end?)

2. Crime crime crime crime fear fear fear terror terror vote Liberal - check

3. Striking omission of coverage of*:

a) written evidence Manchurian Morrison dumping $20m of public funds on inducement for sale of Port of Darwin to China

b) written evidence of Mendacious Morrison ceaselessly lying about just about every aspect of the half a mill in public funds dumped on settling claim by former staffer against misogynist cabinet Minister

c) Morrison's minders roughing up former High Commissioner to Solomon Islands for crime of seeking brief audience with man who in a short three years has done astonishing damage to Australia's public institutions - check

* non-exhaustive, Scott had a shocker yesterday

4. Clive's back with bonus Craig in hunt for that sweet antivax vote - check

Final score:

Substantial crossbench poised to democratically represent society - 1

Liberal Party - 0

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

12/05/22

Good morning

1. NRL team threatens to take bat, ball and go home if Labor wins - check

2. Comforting reassertion of mateship, tribal codes and police authority as unstable electorate becomes restive - check (bonus alliteration)

3. Classic "poll" pun deployment in even, sober election assessment - check (bonus marks for omitting ALP from headline, kicking teal independents in pleasing retention of hostility, query whether teals' failure to acknowledge rugby league affects standing)

4. Shrewd insertion of "productivity" into Harvey Norman advertising in keeping with Labor theme - check (bonus gift card in warm gesture that Gerry's still here come what may in May)

Final debate score: Albo 3 Morrison 0, a remarkable indictment on the most reprehensible PM Australia has ever known, given Albanese cannot actually talk

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

11/05/22

Good morning

1. Stay inside, lock the doors and vote Liberal, or we gonna send the bikies after you - check

2. Taut pun deriding Albo's support for minimum wage increase by way of vivid illustration to working class readership of vintage, essential deceit of country's conservative masters: that improved working conditions are somehow contrary to workers' interests - check

3. Welcome return to Palmer ad spend following Clive's admission that he is once again a front for the Liberal Party - check (bonus mark for timely introduction of parochialism to super scares)

4. Heartwarming tale of child's courage (as though she had some other choice) by way of polite enquiry to voters - do you really want to risk your newborn's future on a change of government? - check

5. Curious omission of Perrottet standing adjacent to the most malignant man in human history (Scott Morrison) and actively supporting federal ICAC and shared equity scheme, then later announcing boost to ICAC funding - check

Final score: runtime error, press the any key to continue

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

10/05/22

Good morning

1. Shock eschewal of stock "dull and uninspiring" criticism in favour of artfully constructed negative framing of alternative PM as showpony after mobbing by starstruck schoolchildren - check (bonus mark for demonstration of remarkable agility and refusal to be bound by strictures of moribund status quo when sufficiently motivated, fact check on central assertion required)

2. Deft placement of violent husband yarn adjacent to cuddly Albo - check (query 'query')

3. Deft placement of ugly drug yarn adjacent to cuddly Albo - check (query wisdom of mules underwater)

4. Pleasing prominence ascribed to industry musical in rare moment of regard for the established arts - check (query prolonged (two days) absence of Harvey Norman and/or Clive Palmer ad spend)

5. Striking omission of:

a) corrupt Morrison's brazen defence pork barrel in marginal seat, and

b) former front page pinup model and idiot TERF Warringah candidate doubling down on trans comments days after transactional PM claimed they had been disavowed and were history - check

Final score: 11 out of a possible 15,000 more days, god willing

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

09/05/22

Good morning

1. Breathlessly tumescent vaulting to front page - ahead of all other news - of bold, exclusive, treatment of lone reasonable NSW Liberal's intervention in inner city Liberal seats under threat from (moderate liberal) independents as phony allyship with dominant extreme right wing of the party - check (bonus kick to greens in reinforcement of unsustainable conservative value system)

2. Forensic examination of current NRL drafting outcomes in sly dig at vexed choice voters must make on May 21 - check

3. Clever implication that voting Labor is a superficial flight of fancy better suited to matters of the heart and, let's be honest, women - check (bonus Labor-in-red frock in clear indicator of male panic)

4. Guy Sebastian sucks - check

5. On a lighter note, maybe magical Albo bearing promises of fantastic adventures is the upbeat nanny our darkened, gloomy country has desperately needed for a decade - check (bonus mark for early May 15 start)

Final score:

Ipsos: ALP 57 LNP 43

Roy Morgan: ALP 55 LNP 45

Newspoll: ALP 54 LNP 46

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

06/05/22

Good morning - "writes itself, mate" edition

1. Adroit application of novel acrostic form in deft treatment of acronym thereby enabling gleeful attack on Albo over not much pursued seemingly exclusively by self-interested media class - check (bonus marks for returning Opposition Leader to front page after lengthy absence, query "disaster")

2. Bit of footy - check (bonus loss to Albo's Rabbitohs)

3. Guy Sebastian sucks, points added for agreeable pun - check

4. Curious omission of Solomon Islands PM hammering pig-headed Morrison for insulting Pacific partner and paving way for Chinese military base in our region - check

Final score: Broncos 32 Rabbitohs 12

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

05/05/22

Good morning

1. Following several days' enforced absence during Morrison's self-inflicted abjectly torrid time, a welcome return to front page prominence of election campaign coverage via "exclusive" (no one cares) attack on Labor candidate in key seat - check (bonus mark for heavy lean on food puns)

2. Deft follow-up "Labor soft on borders" jab in pleasing completion of combination - check

3. Guy Sebastian sucked long before:

a) being Morrison's disgraceful arts funding campaign shill;

b) desperately distancing himself after arts community rightly condemned him as destructive, opportunistic charlatan - check

(continues to suck)

4. Likely empty defence announcement inadvertent admission of costly submarine failure in comedic attempt to reignite fire under coalition national security credentials - check

5. Shrewdly timed return of Harvey Norman half page ad spend attracting the engaged (Labor bashing) voter - check

6. Innocent oversight in failure to publish ICAC boss stated view (backed by Liberal Premier) that corrosive comments undermining public trust in ICAC by the most dangerously corrupt politician in Australia's history - Scott Morrison - also render him a "buffoon" - check

Final score: nil all draw

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

04/05/22

Good morning

1. Shocking economic tragedy dutifully reframed as devastating commuter accident by way of absolution (including for probable election loss) of the laziest, most diabolically incompetent government in the history of federation - check (bonus marks for helpfully introducing bumbling face of rate train driver from RBA as target for blame, pun scanning like a hard rock lyric)

2. Air of resignation as Clive's advertising dollars accepted and contextually appropriate but brazenly hopeless claims platformed yet again - check

3. Pleasing pastoral care posture on emotionally difficult day conveyed via the elegant medium that is rugby league - check (bonus mark for looking after Jake)

4. Half-hearted attack on social media as vague threat to society's fabric in faint echo of Liberal Party talking points - check

5. Passionate splash of glitz from abroad serving as welcome distraction from crushing economic reality and stoking powerful class reinforcement "it's alright for some" envy device - check (query whether choice of maroon first sign that state of origin is coming)

Final score: 40% of fixed rate loans out of a possible zero Australians have used the pandemic to get ahead on their mortgages

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

03/05/22

Good morning

1. Special home-front / "women and children" lifeboat edition as Liberal Party ship begins to sink

a) Pleasing centring of mums outrage device serving as "stay out of the kitchen" invitation for the fellas (being the political misogynist Morrison's sole path to victory) after PM's worst day yet - check (bonus pun and assertion of conservative cultural essence)

b) Deft double play via coverage of female wiggle wedding - check

c) Nothing's more important than family, sometimes you just gotta switch off from all the politics 'n that, 'n just take stock, and ultimately vote against change - check

2. Eager acceptance of ad spend by way of promotion of topical, optimistic and somewhat baffling non-sequitur at heart of Palmer proposition - check

3. Sharp scything of greenie tall poppy - check

4. Curious omission of:

a) polling indicating possible loss of Goldstein to independent - check;

b) Morrison's shrill, comedic come-apart at prospect of interest rise during campaign - check; and

c) unearthed footage of foundationally hypocritical Morrison breathlessly spruiking shared equity mortgages in neat rebuttal of his hysterical criticism of the first (only?) substantial policy announcement of the entire campaign - check

Final score: suppressed by Court order following Commonwealth application

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

02/05/22

Good morning

1. Powerful catapulting to prominence of irrelevant yet damaging culture war now resplendent in authoritative "modern Liberal freedom of bigotry blue" (pantone 81G07) in revealing pivot away from Labor bashing and due reward for taking a stand - check (query "exclusive", "all" and "they")

2. Wistfully sentimental longing for the past in warm community outreach moment - "Nothing's forever, not even the monarchy" - check (bonus marks for pun and elevation of news item more accurately characterized as mild curiosity)

3. Gentle undermining and diminishing of ALP launch as silly circus (that may yet take office from a government so brazenly corrupt an envious Sir Joh would be calling the cops) - check

4. Further development of Last Stand theme in satisfying execution of rule of three device as Morrison nails himself to freedom of bigoted, Modern-Liberal-Party-Blue (pantone 81G07) cross - check (bonus alliterative device as indicator Newscorp shaping to abandon ship)

5. Striking omission of:

a) allegations of contemptible PM exercising improper influence regarding AAT appointments;

b) another savage newspoll predicting Liberal Party wipeout;

c) increasingly widespread view that Frydenberg along with other "moderates" will lose seat leaving Liberal party to lurch unelectably to the right;

d) Scott "every form of violence wrapped in living tissue" Morrison lying directly to camera about disrespecting Anzac service - check Final score: Marrickville Red Devils 2 Hurlstone Park Wanderers 1

[ozzieowenwilson-blog]

29/04/22

Good morning

1. Powerful shot across the bow in pre-poll warning to voters in hopeful attempt to squeeze last vestiges of electoral panic out of asylum seeker issue - check (bonus mark for syncing relitigation with Albo's return from iso)

2. Begrudging acceptance of Palmer's advertising dollars despite newly hysterical and vaguely Messianic campaign message - check (bonus mark to Clive for tapping culture of disavowal rife in Australia and rewarded by the Library Party, query focus on Asian countries)

3. Friday means footy - check (bonus mark for dig at serial abuser Liberal Party daddy Morrison's supposed team in rare note of disaffection)

4. Shrewd reduction of gangland story prominence in important test of prolonged newsworthiness - check

5. Audacious sally of alliterated Schadenfreude device in breathless tall poppy / trouble in paradise story as clear indicator electorate "doing it tough" - check (bonus mark for "yeah same thing happened with mum's estate albeit on a much smaller scale mind you, I dunno what got into me brother, I tell you money is the root of all evil" everyman relatability)

6. Stunning omission of election coverage on yet another shocking day for the Liberal Party and its underlying fictions - check

Final score:

Albo's campaign by absence 3

Morrison 2