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It's been a while

So, it's been a while. I'm alive, well physically. I graduated uni last year don't know if I've mentioned that. I have a job and I hate it. I'm stressed, depressed, and lowkey suicidal. I dated someone decent earlier this year. Lasted almost 5 months and I genuinely felt loved and understood, but he ended it because he "can't see himself loving me" so I don't know what I was feeling. It was perfect till it ended. Except he didn't love me or want me or care about me and was just wasting my time while he wasn't truthful about his intentions. I don't know what love is. How someone can make you feel so special but not mean it. Did I do something? Am I that easy to ditch? Worthless is how I feel and I can't get him out of my mind. I don't know how I can trust another man again. How can I get played and have literally no clue? He thought about it for two days two fucking days and called it quits. Like I never mattered. Anyway, I'm searching for new jobs and unfortunately him in other people.

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When you sense someone losing interest in you

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Every now and then I fall apart and build myself back up. Always build yourself back up.

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Don’t ask me if I’m okay I’ll cry

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I just want someone to listen, but I don’t even know where to begin.

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I feel worthless.

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I want to remove everyone from my life and start over.

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Anyone else feel like a massive failure?

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Quiet on the outside, loud on the inside

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The Diary of SAD

Why do I get mad at myself when I get treated like shit?

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I feel this.

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The Diary of SAD

No one talks about how social anxiety affects you even in your own home. When you’re not surrounded by people. Social media exists in your home. Texting exists in your home. Calling exists in your home. Overthinking definitely exists in your home and you think about how fucking (socially) stupid you are. You really can’t get a break.

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I feel disposable.

Like you could throw me out and get something better.

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I don't wanna be different Just a little tired of being too different And I'd do everything I can to fix it Wish I was born as somebody different So I never know myself

Catie Turner (Different)

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The Diary of SAD

I don’t know. Does my personality just suck?

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The Diary of SAD

What does it mean when everyone you start becoming yourself around starts backing away?

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“So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me because I, too, am fluent in silence.”

— R. Arnold