overthinking-momma

[overthinking-momma]

She got beau because of Dominic. Heart breaking all over again.

[overthinking-momma]

I wish there was a step by step guide on how to handle the things no one tells you about. The emotions no one mentions, no one tells you how to handle them when they tear their ugly head. You learn so many useless things in high school, but no one teaches you the important things. How to how go through life with emotional damage, or when life changes and new emotions you never knew existed, never had to experience come about and you feel like your getting dragged down drowning. Kicking as hard as you can but nothing makes a difference because you don’t know how to handle these emotions.

Overstimulation. Overwhelmed. Deregulation. Depression. Happiness. Loneliness when your not alone.

The anger and disrespect you feel so harshly when someone does something minor but to you because your so deregulated you feel like it’s so much worse then it actual was. When the overstimulation gets so bad you don’t even want your own husband to touch you because your child has taken all the positive stimulation away from 12 hours of way to much touch. When you get so overwhelmed from feeling so happy, angry, for having to control yourself after your toddler hits you. Your emotionally drained that all you can do is feel everything all at once and feel like nothing is okay. The pressure in your head is so great it feels like a balloon being popped. How do you cope with these emotions day after day, how does anyone function feeling these for a great amount of time. If someone could figure out how this works and let the rest of us in on it…..

[overthinking-momma]

The holidays are hard.

It’s been proven that this can be the hardest time of the year for most people, whether it be that they are alone, or they have mental health issues and struggle more this time of year, or maybe they’re struggling themselves financially. The holidays at the end of the year are supposed to mean so much more, but sometimes can be the hardest of them all to deal with.

Through the past few years the holiday season came with dread for me, the enjoyment and spirit were gone. Which is something I never thought would happen. I grew up on a Christmas tree farm, my grandparents poured their heart and soul into these pine trees 8 months out of the year. Everything has changed, they would be so disgusted to see their legacy twisted.

[overthinking-momma]

I had a piece of cinnamon sugar toast this morning. They say that it’s the most important meal of the day.

While I was making my cinnamon sugar toast I couldn’t help but smile. On any given morning and if not every morning waking up in the house with what seemed like 1000 mile long driveway when your so young the smell of toast and cinnamon sugar was abundant. Grandma made that for me at least every. Single. Morning. As well as cereal but I ate that just because, as in my mind I could eat a whole loaf worth of her cinnamon sugar toast. The simplest of things put together to make something great. To this day I make it and to this day it brings back memories of visiting grandma and grandpa at that White House with the water slide and zip line that again I never got to go on…. Yes I’m still bitter about that. All the laughter and smiles of family that came from all different places that they call home, back to the place where they once resided in. All to be together to share more memories together and stories of their separate lives. That’s what Grandma and grandpa wanted, they wanted all their children and grandchildren to be there with them. That’s what they most cared about was family, their love for their family was felt everyday weather it was spoken or not you knew how much they cared. Today is an end of the living era, but those memories and the love they shared will forever carry on through each one of us and through our children and grandchildren. We will remember them by living how they would’ve wanted us to live, to the fullest and with a cup of coffee or a glass of vodka in hand depending on the time of day of course.

To grandma and grandpa together again.